to tell my secrets before i leave mumsnet

[abouttoleave2021]

Im going to deactivate my account soon so thought perfect time to tell someone about my life
Im 29 married with 4 kids. I hate my life.
my whole life is about my children due to having no family support and a piece of shit husband. i never get a break not even for a few hrs. My husband stays indoors all the time. He does wfh but hasn't set foot out the door in 2 wks. This has been a longterm issue that ive given up on. I wish i could leave him but i don't want to be more alone. I have no family or friends and im overweight and no man looks at me so id stay single all my life. I love my kids but Im trapped.

[Italiangreyhound]

Stay and talk. Find your own path and find what you love. You are so young, you should be happy. Good luck.

[AtticusHoysAnus]

I'd ask to get this moved over to relationships and stick around for a bit.

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

Thanks for reaching out, OP. You have so much time ahead of you to steer your life in a new direction. There is support out there (and here!).

And can I just say it warms my heart to see the lovely responses of other posters.

[Threewheeler1]

Another one saying don't go yet OP.
Stay a bit longer and talk.
It sounds hard and lonely for you but you are still young and so much can change for the better.
There will be lots of posters who've been through similar & might be able to advise you. Don't give up yet x

[Neapolitanicecream]

To not leave the house for weeks can be a sign of mental health issues. He needs to seek help as well.

[lannistunut]

[CaptainMyCaptain]

@notangelinajolie

Why have you had children with someone you perceive as a piece of shit?

Really unhelpful as there is nothing OP can do about this now and I'm sure she loves all her children.

[fourminutestosavetheworld]

There's nothing more lonely than a miserable marriage. From personal experience I can tell you that being single is infinitely better, and you get time to yourself when the kids go to him. Post in Relationships and you'll get loads of advice about how to leave. Don't live the next 60 years in abject regret.

[Bellend101]

Please don't deactivate. And please understand that while you're scared of being alone, there is nothing worse than feeling alone when you're with someone. I split with my ex after a very controlling and miserable relationship, he then guilted me into staying friends for five years until he met someone else. Again, everything had continued to be under his control, IE I decided the relationship was over but he decided when that became reality. Since he met this girl I have stopped smoking, lost a load of weight and been able to focus on just DS and myself. I can make plans and not consider him, if he tells DS he is coming over I say "Are you? Have you asked my permission to come to my house?" Don't get me wrong, he can pop in to see him (also has him two nights a week) but it's the expectation that he can show up whenever he wants that I nipped in the bud.
Also, don't focus on meeting someone new. Focus on YOU. Find yourself again. It's ok to do things for yourself. I don't have friends that I see often (I'm talking years in between some of them) and am home alone with DS five nights a week (the other two I work the late shift while his dad has him). But I can watch what I want, I can go to bed when I want, I can wear what I want, I can take three hours (when DS is in bed) to fanny about with my makeup collection before giving myself a facial and not be judged for having this as a hobby. I don't have to focus on anyone but DS and I and honestly, it feels fucking amazing.
Do I sometimes look at my friends and think it would be nice to be with someone like they are? Of course, I get twinges at times. Then I see their partners sitting playing video games while they're running around doing everything and I'm brought back to the reality of just how fucking fabulous it feels to be "alone". I don't miss sex because it was rarely consensual with ex and I've never met a man who could do more for me than I can do for myself 🤷
Leave him and start your journey, OP.
Basically, leave him, not us.

[Vallmo47]

Here to listen, not to judge OP.