to despair when my kids are invited to totally extravagent birthday parties for young kiddies

[MicrowaveOnly]

The other thread on birthday parties encouraged me to write this one...cos last month my dd was invited to a Grease party, where boys and girls dressed up as T-birds and pink ladies. It was a wonderfully decorated hall where they all had hot dogs and chocolate fountains, squash fountains and marshmallows etc The girls got trained to practise amazing Grease dance routines. The boys did the same and did go- karting and there were over 30 kids there.

and so what you're asking, sounds kinda fun...but these kids were 7 years old. Most of the parents were stunned and while recogniseing the effort and fun to be had it begs the question..

What will they expect when they are finally 16 years old??

just because we can afford to spoil our children surely that doesn't mean its the right thing for them in the long run???

I feel more than

I think that's a bit of a miserable pov tbh

I quite like to make birthday parties a bit of an extravaganza (perhaps not quite in the same league as you describe) - not because I am an in training Alpha mum / vulgar and ostenstatious, but because I am quite hot on having 'fun'. I want birthday parties to be amongst the most treasured enduring memories for my children. Possibly because my own childhood was so grey - brought up by two dull dour parents

A fancy smancy party is better than a pursed lip gritted teeth party for the puritans

It's a personal bug bear that some mothers (I don't mean you - since despite my rigourous defence of larger than life parties the one you describe sounds a little OTT) can't seem to cope with the fact that other mums put a bit of effort into their children's parties, and seem to want to attribute some sort of base motive to it

The birthday party is the best bit for most kids - I know some families who just spend on the party and don't really buy a present at all. They remember the party and they have a fab time.

"Tellusmater - most things loved by large groups of 7 year olds are naff.... "

Ok inthegutter - lets give them something high brow instead. We could read them some Dostoevsky..

It seems to me that parties reach a peak at about 6 or 7 ... then they tail off into girls only/boys only activities instead of having to invite everyone, and then down to just a few friends for a film or pizza or suchlike.

SIL hired a sportshall,bouncy castle & childrens entertainer for her son's 2nd birthday.None of the children were interested in doing anything other than charging about,so it was a bit of a waste.Food was terrible too.

The dd's went to a four year old's party that was catered-it was absolutely lovely.

I would love a grease party!!!!
We have 2 sons and have had big and small parties for both, ranging from a tea party in the back garden,bouncey castles, bowling parties to DS1s 7th birthday where we spent £400.

But I like parties, we also have Halloween and Christmas kiddies parties, children grow up so fast and ok I admit it is for me as much as for them, I love to see them having fun.

The Grease party sounds amazing! i would never put that sort of party on for a young child (too much hassle and expense) but I see no problem with the rich and bored putting on great entertainment for the poor and frazzled among us

lol LoveAngel

LOLOL

In fact, it might be the morally superior option - those who can afford it ought to spend their money on parties for those who can't?

Sounds great to me. I'd love DS1 to have a friend like that as its not happening at one of his parties

cheritongirl, our parties have been like yours. We went to all these one yr old parties where it was totally mad.
We had our post natal group and cousin, at home, for 1st and 2nd party.
Last yr for 3rd we went to a ball pool.
What a disaster.
this year, for Feb, we are having a Buzz Lightyear party at home. I will be making lots of effort, making the cake, making buzz lightyear chocolates. We will have 'Pizza planet' make your own , to eat. But it will be at home.
This party thing for under 5's it totally OTT.

Ok
I am happy to lie on the sofa and talk about my feelings.....

My kids have FANTASTIC birthday parties BUT that is not based around how much money we spend - although they can be expensive.
Lets talk about my childhood. I was one of 8 kids. I never had a party until I was 12 and that was really bad - crying in my room type bad. My parents forgot birthdays completely on more than one occasion. Don't blame them but I didn't want my children to feel like their days were insignificant like mine were.
So they have big parties. DS has had paintball and motor cross for 20 kids all taken to the track in minibusses and barbeque at home afterward. He is now 14 and this year he has asked to go to the cinema with a couple of mates. So not desperately demanding in an 'it must be better than last year' way. DS2 has had bowling parties but usually wants a bouncy castle in the garden that he can repeatedly inflate and deflate ( a little asd characteristic). DD had a princess party with 20 kids and Snow White entertaining them in the garden.

They do not however get fantastic gifts and they are not spoilt. It is the one day a year where they can be the centre of attention because the rest of the year DS1 and DD ALWAYS make sure that their ASD brother is included and is happy. That actually means a year of compassion and kindness and in truth frequently forgoing what they want because DS2 can't cope or needs to be somewhere else.

So what I am saying is - it is not always competetive show off stuff. I do it for my kids because it is their one day a year and because they are nice kind little people. And because I can afford it and yet they do not have lots of stuff and are not spoilt in the least.
So if I invite your child please just come and enjoy yourself and don't tut or assume that i am being flash. If DD wants a two girl, hot chocolate and sing song sleepover for a tenner then that is fine. From DS1's reacion that is entirely possible.

What a lovely post pagwatch.

we have just the one child now, and I enjoy making the party one to remember. At his last (13th) had 9 kids doing kayaking/raftbuilding/bbq on the river and it was fab.

I think I only had one party when I was growing up which was lovely (happens to be bonfire night), dh never had a party his whole childhood, so there's definitely a bit of time to make up.

Helps if your childs birthdays are in the summer. My sil has a lovely bbq at home for her ds(3). Ds(3) is in Feb and it always is damp and miserable, no bbq's or bouncy castles for us.

My 2 boys (will be 3 and 5)are having a party in the village hall in 2 weeks (eeek) It's just going to be some party food, games and dancing, oh and a treasure hunt in the hall gardens (weather permitting) and I know they will love it!

Tbh with 2 on the same day, we don't really have the option of having things like say the soft play etc as it would just be so expensive for them both. I know lots of people hire entertainers, but then what would DH do?

It's not going to cost us that much at all and it will be fun.

I always do something for the boys for thier birthdays but we never spend loads of money on it (probably because the 2 youngest are just before xmas and the oldest just after) DS1 had some friends for a sleepover this yr for his 13th - pizza, some dvds, board games etc and they enjoyed it. You don't have to go mad, they just love spending some 'different' time with their friends imo.

Sounds fab but totally OTT, and I guess other parents will feel that they might disappoint their child by not being able to do something similar - therein lies the downside.

Chodders - you sounds like some sort of life coach or spiritual leader !!!Blimey!

Ooh can't remeber who it was wgho said it, but £400 for a childs party !!!!

I can't type/spell or do anything today!!!

i think pagwatch says it all

stop being so miserable.

a big lavish party doesn't automatically mean spoilt children. i spent a lot on DDs birthday last year (at the Little Gym) but i don't even remember what she got for a pressie (neither does she i am sure), but she remembers her party, who was there, what they did etc.

It doesn't matter what they cost, as long as everyone enjoys it. There doesn't have to be a hidden motive.

Thing is.. you throw your child a party at home with pass the parcel and jelly and ice cream (age dependant obviously.. but say, 7 as OP).. and everyone will still have a good time! Lavish party.. old style party.. it's the parents going to the effort to do anything to celebrate their birhdays that matters. My best friend AND my DH for that matter, are quite often heard to say "I never had a party as a kid...". It's not what you do for them so much as doing "something".

Frankly, I would just like someone to invite my SN DS to any party. Halfway through his 4th school year and only ever had one invite. But I'm always whinging about that on his behalf so I'll shut up..

squirdle, yes the £400 shocked me. When I did ds's home parties, I think I must have spent about £30 all in all. A hall cost £44 'round or way'. When I stupididly booked the ball pool last year, it cost £100 and I thought that was ricky-doo-dilous.
Now £400 is
Own up, own up, whoever-you-are, why did you spend £400 ?

I saw 'I 'spent-too-much-money' kissing santa claus' - SHAME ON YOU FOR YOUR £400

If my child was invited to a totally extravagent birthday party, I would be thrilled that he was going to have great fun, especially as someone else has organised and paid for it

it wasn't me, but the £400 didn't shock me

last year we had DD1s party at the Little Gym

the party cost £250 for the hire of the place plus 2 instructors
plus another £72 for "extra children"

plus food
plus party bags
plus cake

yep, i reckon it cost me about £400 too.

and this place is booked out solid for parties.

Hear hear Crokky... in fact I think some fecker ought to invite DS2 to a £500 party... just to make up for all those he's never been to!!