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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say, errr, no thanks (covid related)

38 replies

Ionlyhave2hands · 30/07/2021 16:02

Got a mum friend who I chat to and meet up with quite frequently. She has 2 DC. One of them was tested positive for covid about a fortnight ago (no symptoms and is fine). As a family, they've been isolating since that test. Just as they were coming out of isolation 2 days ago, her other DC tested positive. She was gutted, thinking she'd be stuck in the house for another 10 day period after that latest test. I offered my sympathy and sent a present to her DC by post.

She messaged this morning and said, according to new NHS guidance, the rest of the family don't need to self isolate now as they've all been doing that already for past fortnight. It's only the one DC who needs to stay at home now apparently. So, can she come over to mine this weekend for a catch up?

Not a bloody chance! I've made my excuses for this weekend. We're both in work during weekdays so next week she won't be asking again.

Just wondered if any of you would be more relaxed than me? I've only had the one jab so far but even if fully vaccinated, think I'd still not go along with this.

OP posts:
WetWeekends · 30/07/2021 16:03

No I wouldn’t risk it. Not just for a catch up and especially not indoors.

chunderwunder · 30/07/2021 16:05

It's up to you what level of risk you're comfortable with but bear in mind she is totally correct.

BlueSurfer · 30/07/2021 16:05

She is right. I don’t think either of you are in the wrong as she is following the guidance correctly and you don’t feel comfortable having her visit.

Siepie · 30/07/2021 16:09

She is correct and it’s not even ‘new’ guidance. It’s been that way the whole time.

It’s still up to you if you want to meet with her. Personally I might have suggested meeting outside and distanced.

Crunchymum · 30/07/2021 16:09

She may well be right but i'd not be chancing it (we are on the countdown to our holiday though!)

Notaroadrunner · 30/07/2021 16:09

One of her kids now has covid so what's to stop her catching it from them, despite not catching it from the first one? No way would I allow anyone in my home knowing they currently have covid in theirs, regardless of the guidelines.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 16:10

I wouldn't even though I think she's right.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/07/2021 16:13

I wouldn’t have met up either, just because she didn’t get it from the first child doesn't mean she won’t from the second. I don’t get the logic is not having to isolate again as surely there is just as much risk as the first case.

Original poster
Ionlyhave2hands · 30/07/2021 16:15

I don't doubt she's correct but for the sake of delaying having her round mine for a brew for a week or 2, it just seems like asking for trouble for no massive benefit. If it was an emergency or something, I'd def help her as the risks are probably quite low but not just for a random chat.

OP posts:
PeonyTime · 30/07/2021 16:18

She is correct, and doesnt need to isolate further (and this isnt new).
But I wouldnt be meeting up with her inside just yet.

mabelandivy · 30/07/2021 16:24

Absolutely not.
I'm in a similar predicament. MIL and other family members due to come and stay with us 2 weeks time, but their household has just gone down with Covid. I'm reluctant for them to come in 2 weeks time, but when I have broached the subject, the response was they will come unless the other family member doesn't catch it. If either DH, myself or DD catch it whilst they're here, they will end up staying a fortnight, which will be hard.

valnevavaxx · 30/07/2021 16:28

It's fine if you don't feel comfortable, but what seems like "just a brew" for you is probably something she's long been looking forward to having just done a long stint of isolation!

You're well within your rights to postpone though if you want to, as other PP said I'd have maybe suggested meeting outside or something instead but I wouldn't have her indoors right now.

JustDanceAddict · 30/07/2021 16:30

She is correct. I’d be ok with meeting outside, but not inside just in case. I’d ask her to do a lateral flow that morning too.

venusandmars · 30/07/2021 16:32

She is correct, according to the NHS advice. But that just goes to show how batshit the following the science advice is.

Make your own assessment of the risk.
(PS It's high risk)

Kittenss · 30/07/2021 16:32

I would definitely not meet up and am surprised she would even suggest it. If I had a DC at home with a very infectious virus I wouldn't even think about potentially exposing my friends. Government guidance is irrelevant IMO, it's common sense. Same as if one of my DC had norovirus, I wouldn't be going to see friends and potentially infecting them. Seems very selfish to do otherwise.

Notaroadrunner · 30/07/2021 16:32

@mabelandivy

Absolutely not. I'm in a similar predicament. MIL and other family members due to come and stay with us 2 weeks time, but their household has just gone down with Covid. I'm reluctant for them to come in 2 weeks time, but when I have broached the subject, the response was they will come unless the other family member doesn't catch it. If either DH, myself or DD catch it whilst they're here, they will end up staying a fortnight, which will be hard.
In your situation I'd be saying a firm no to them coming at all. Don't give them the option to come. If anyone was due to visit me and had covid in their house within 2 weeks of that visit, I wouldn't let them in the door. We couldn't afford to take the risk and then be off work isolating under circumstances that would have been totally avoidable. Don't allow them to fob you off. They don't get to decide when they stay in your house.
Thingsthatgo · 30/07/2021 16:34

Does anyone understand the science behind these guidelines? I am so bemused by it. Is there something I’m missing?
Why is it safe for her to come out of isolation?

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 30/07/2021 17:03

@Thingsthatgo

Does anyone understand the science behind these guidelines? I am so bemused by it. Is there something I’m missing? Why is it safe for her to come out of isolation?
I don’t think it’s necessarily a medical science decision, I thinks it more a ‘behavioural science’ decision. The rules have to be realistic and sustainable in order for people to continue to follow them. So bubbles for single households, lone parents etc increased risk, but that risk was balanced by the fact that it made some of the people more able/ likely to follow the rules.

By making the rules as ‘easy’ to follow as possible, I think there’s a hope that more people will do so, and some mitigation is better than none.

So the parent who knows that they’ll ‘only’ have their earning reduced to ssp for 10 days (assuming they don’t get ill themselves), is more likely to isolate with their positive child than the parent who knows that if it passes to their other 2 dc, it could be reduced earnings for the better part of a month. Or the person in the shared house who’s just been released from a 40 day isolation period as covid spread through their housemates, is far more likely to ignore the ‘ping’ from the app, than the person who did 10 days isolation, but then had a month of ‘freedom’.

It’s not ideal, but I think the idea is to encourage people to follow the ‘softer’ rules, instead of disregarding stricter rules completely.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/07/2021 17:07

If I didn't HAVE to self-isolate, I would still at least social distance ie only go out for quick supermarket trips, walks by myself. I wouldn't on purpose meet with friends, unless they were lonely and then it'd be outside. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.

RosemaryRipple · 30/07/2021 17:25

I’m in the same situation- covid is going through our house but after 19 days indoors I still haven’t had it.

my children who contracted it finished their isolation on Tuesday, the other adults in the house won’t be clear til next Friday.

We’ve decided actually we will go out from Monday if I’m still negative. But I’ll be sensible, the people we are seeing are aware of our situation and I will continue daily testing.

Bear in mind from the 19th Aug if you have both jabs you’ll likely not need to isolate at all.
I would completely understand any friend that would rather not see me though.

venusandmars · 30/07/2021 21:47

I get the behavioural science stuff, but unfortunately the virus does not follow 'soft rules'. It's a virus, it does what a virus does. That's why so many people have died, have been seriously ill, have long term consequences.

emilylily · 30/07/2021 21:51

YANBU, I absolutely wouldn't want to meet up with her at the moment. I think that even if permitted, it's a bit inconsiderate/rude to suggest meeting up when you have someone in your household who has Covid.

Prisonbreak · 30/07/2021 21:55

My friend was also about to start her second isolation after the first just ended and then found out she didn’t have to. I kept my distance, not worth it to me

Lindy2 · 30/07/2021 21:58

I'd definitely be making excuses not to meet up with her for at least a couple of weeks.

It seems crazy that she will be out meeting people whilst living with someone who actually has Covid and is contagious.

monstermunch1 · 30/07/2021 22:03

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