To be worried about my DS 13 height

[Edenspirits]

My DS is 13.5 and 5ft and he’s totally worried and upset all the time about it. He’s pretty small compared to his mates but a few of them have hit puberty whereas my DS is still like a little kid in comparison to be honest.

I spoke to the doctor as I was getting worried as he hasn’t really changed height much in 2 years - doc didn’t seem concerned & said he’s on the 25th percentile for his age & not to worry as he hasn’t got puberty yet. According to the growth charts his predicted height is around 5/10 as I am 5/8 and so is hubby (both the same height) and I try to reassure my son but as he’s getting so worried and upset, it’s making me upset and worried.

Aibu to worry- I think it’s because he hasn’t grown really in 2 years! He’s got asthma too and is on steroid inhalers but the doctor said it’s a bit of a myth that they affect height as the dose is so small.

I think the key issue is exactly how much he’s grown over the last couple of years. Don’t compare him with his friends, compare him with his height and growth rate when he was younger. If he averaged 3 inches per year up until he was 11, and since then he’s only grown a couple of inches in 2 years, that’s obviously more concerning than if he’s been growing at a steady rate. What percentile was he on 2 years ago? Again, if he was on the 75th percentile at 11 and now he’s on 25th, this is more of an issue.

My friend was my height at 14, 5'2''. By the time he was 18, he was 6'3''!!!

Genetic is a much better indicator than age. At both 5'8'' , you can expect him to be at least that height, most likely a bit taller.

My dp was always one of the shortest in his friends. Then between 14 and 16 he grew loads. He actually ended up at 6ft 4.

He just hasn't hit his growth spurt.

your height is your height!
I agree. I think it’s quite unhealthy and borderline offensive to say things like “don’t worry you’ll grow” like being short SHOULD be a worry. There’s nothing wrong with being short and we need to teach our children that, especially the taller children so they’re not bullying their shorter friends.

It’s because being short is a “feminine” trait and how dare a man be subjected to that I suppose.

Summary: I understand your concern but remember shortness isnt a death sentance. You can have a good life if you are a short man. Its not the end of the world
That's a very good point. My dad is only 5'5'' and always very successful with the women, even at a later age. He was to be fair very good looking, muscular, dark hair, peircing blue eyes. He also had a fantastic career.

He hasn't hit puberty yet, when he does he will grow.

My 13 year old is nearly 6 foot, has a bass voice and needs to start shaving. It makes him feel very self conscious. He cant wait to stand out less. Adolesence is just hard.

My stepson is tiny, he is probably about 5 foot 4 and has always been petite and is unlikely to grow anymore.

He makes jokes about it and is very fit and healthy and has had a few (equally petite) girlfriends. He is also one of the nicest, funniest and down to earth young people o have ever met.

So your DS may always be smaller than his friends but its not all defining. (Although I understand your concerns).

@Shoeshine283

Has he actually not grown for 2 years though (because 5ft at 11.5 years old is pretty tall) or has he grown but not shot up?

5ft at 11.5 isn't tall. My 11yo ds is 5 ft 4 and isn't the tallest in his class.

13 is the most diverse age ime, height and development wise.

Ds1 is 13 and on the tall side at 5.8 but still not full on puberty, no facial hair, voice not broken etc.

But his friends range from full 'men' - one in particular when walking up our drive once I thought was his dad as he was over 6 foot with a fairly impressive beard - to ones that look like they'd still blend in a primary school.

I've also spun around more than one recently to ask who the hell is Ds1 talking to on the xbox when a man's voice is coming through - only for ds to say 'Mum that's Jake/Leo/Sam' 😂.

There isn't nearly the same difference by year 10 or 11 so they seem to even out.

I agree with others to reassure him, it is more than likely when puberty comes he will shoot up. We told my DS that less electronic time, more veggies and more sleep would help him grow - that worked for about a week! But there is no harm in pointing out good nutrition and sleep are important to stay healthy and the body needs to be in good health to reach your full height potential.

Perhaps unpick if it is the height or lack of puberty signs that concerns him. Easier to voice a height concern than puberty ones.

If he had gone through puberty with no growth spurt or was 16 and still no signs of either, then perhaps be concerned. But sympathise it is hard when others seem to be literally outgrowing him, but at the end of the day it all equals out.

Looking at a school photo from when dh was 12 he was the shortest in the class. 3 years later, mostly the same boys, he was the second tallest. Just different rates of growth.

Mine was the same at that age, didn't help that his best mate was six foot and about 13 stone by then. DS had a growth spurt 14-15 and is now 6ft 1! It's not too late.

@Edenspiritsp a few questions:

When did you see the GP about his height? Recently? Did the GP do blood tests?
Has he put on weight whilst not growing?
Does he seem a bit colder than normal?
Is he tireder than normal?
Can you see anything enlarged in his throat area?

My DS was diagnosed as having an underactive thyroid - thanks to a wise MNetter suggesting it - when he was 10. The main symptoms that prompted me to take him to the GP were:

Not having grown much/at all in height for c 2 years
Plus he had got a bit chubby (which for him was unusual - he was normally a skinny bean). But it was more his height/lack of growth I was worried about. GP said, as yours did, not to worry. But because a MNetter had mentioned her brothers/family members (can't remember) were diagnosed with an under-active thyroid at a similar age AND I have an underactive thyroid the GP agreed to do some blood tests.

Within 24 hours he was on medication with an urgent referal Paed Endocrinologist. He will be on Levothyroixine for the rest of his life.

It was only after going to the Drs that I realised actually, he was always wearing a hoodie and a gilet, he was often tired, and when I made him take the bloody hoody off he had the beginningof a goitre (bow shaped thyroid was slightly enlarged in his throat).

3 years on he has now grown in height (still no puberty but his father and I were both late to hit is - Paed consultant not fussed til he hits 15) and lost the chubbiness, coldness, tiredness and goitre. Apart from having to take daily medication you wouldn't know there was anything different about him.

If you are worried - and the GP didn't do any blood tests - take him back to the GP.

Trust your instincts.

@pixley

I was once told that boys always end up taller than their mothers. I’ve never found a case where it hasn’t been true.

One of my DSs is shorter than me and I'm shorter than his father. It's just a fact of life that being tall is valued in a man. Nothing to be done about it really other than try to build up his confidence in other ways.

Summary: I understand your concern but remember shortness isnt a death sentance. You can have a good life if you are a short man. Its not the end of the world.

This! I know plenty of happy and successful short men and many miserable tall ones!

We were talking about my colleague’s son who is 17 and in the last 3 months suddenly shot up from 5’2” to almost 6’. Boy teens develop differently - some have beards at 14 and others (like dh) had one chest hair at 19 and didn’t really shave daily until mid 20s.

I could have written this OP. DS has always been between the 9th and 25th centiles. When he was about to start year 11 he had a major crying meltdown as he just hated being the smallest of his friends.
He is now 17 and it is only in the last few months that things have started happening. He is now 5"5, deeper voice and the start of hair on his upper lip. My nephews were the same, just late developers.
If you're worried though check with your GP.

I'll never forget my DS at 15. He grew 5 inches in 6 months. It just didn't seem feasible!

It is a worry OP although take comfort in the stories from PPs who were in similar situations, whose DSs are now grown up and average height or taller. They get to where they’re meant to be.

To add to those stories, my DS was the smallest in his class until he hit puberty, but when he did (a bit later than the others) he grew a foot in a year and now, at nearly 19, he’s touching 6ft and taller than most of his mates. I look up at him and think (only ever to myself!), “My baby!”

I remember all the short boys at secondary school shooting up around 4th year!

You can get more in depth bone scans that can tell you how many years he has left to grow. DB was 4ft10 until 13/14 and then grew a foot all in one year between 14-5 (he has horrible stretch marks because of this but this is a seperate issue). He then didn’t stop growing until 21 and is now 6 ft 2.

I think the ones growing at 12/13 are the early developers! When I was at school late 90s it was end of year 9 through to y11 when the boys really matured, so more like 14-16. One friend was skinny and short and looked very young, then as he approached 16 must have grown a foot in under a year and was suddenly the tallest. I think it is hard for the boys who are grow a little later, all you can do is encourage patience.

Re percentiles, doctors will actually compare height for boys & girls this age on two separate charts - one for those who are in puberty, one for those who havent got certain signs yet. Because it makes a huge difference, its meaningless comparing a boy who has not yet had a puberty growth spurt with one who has.

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not grow much between the ages of about 9 and whenever puberty kicks in, which is typically between about 11 and 15, albeit with some outliers at both ends.

Hence girls being the tallest in most year 6/year 7 classes.

I'd be worried if you'd said he was partway through puberty and 5 foot nothing.

My DS is the same age and height. Neither sides of his family are very tall. He may have a very late growth spurt. My dp (not his DS's dad) was the shortest in his class until he was 15. He's 6ft 2" now.

Aww, bless him.

My ds hit puberty late, he's 20 now and has only just stopped growing. He's a normal height, id say he's around 6ft 2