To get out of breastfeeding limbo?

[Nickolij]

I have a beautiful 16wk old daughter. The latch from birth was textbook, straight on the boob and had skin to skin for 24hrs. But, I wasn’t producing enough milk and felt the need to supplement (milk didn’t arrive for 3wks and even then there was no engorgement and I have never had letdown).
I had amazing support from the lactation consultants, and continued to combifeed but for every boob feed, a bottle was required straight after and judging by the volume she drank, it didn’t seem she was getting much from me. So far I have tried:
Skin to skin constantly
Expressing after every feed (have hospital pump)
Expressing every 2hrs (including at night)
Moringa, fenugreek, domperidone (prescribed)
Heat, massage, etc
Checked multiple times for tongue tie

She’s growing very well, but I feel like such a failure as she’s drinking over a litre of formula a day, so it must just be comfort on the breast. I don’t know what else to try, I’m either feeding or pumping, on my own every day so when she sleeps on me I can’t pump. I can pump a 10th of what she drinks each day and that takes hrs. I am exclusively pumping in the morning as that’s when it should be higher (on the advice of the consultant), but still not getting enough (about a tablespoon from each boob for 10mins pumping). Worried I’m wasting this lovely time with my daughter, but I don’t want to give up, is there anything else I can do?! She’s getting about 3oz a day from me as that’s all I can pump, and that has taken weeks and weeks to build up. The lactation consultant said it was unlikely I can exclusively breastfeed, when she checked her feeding, she has never got into the deep sucking feed and this was recently after all the effort I’d put in. I am running out of ideas, I do have little breast tissue, so that could also be a factor. She gets frustrated after 10mins on the boob as nothing more comes out.

I’m so tired, I can’t keep up with this cycle of pumping and feeding and also cleaning bottles. I feel like I’m getting the worst of both worlds! Any advice?

I'd just stop pumping, you can still offer your breast for comfort if you like. You've done everything you can. Formula is a perfectly good alternative to breastmilk as you've discovered by how well your lovely baby is growing.
Breastmilk doesn't make a mother.
Enjoy your baby and be kind to yourself.

I should have added that I pumped for ds1 for almost 12 weeks as he wouldn't stay latched on. It was horribly hard work and I felt I couldn't cuddle and play with him because of it.

Happy mum, happy baby. If you want to stop, stop. You’ve tried a lot. You can still offer for comfort, if you want to

I think you’ve done brilliantly to do this for 16 weeks! I agree with PP, offer the breast for comfort but don’t worry about the pumping… spend that time with your LO instead and enjoy your baby and this very special time

What a tough start you have had. Your consultant is correct despite your huge efforts you won’t make enough breast milk for your baby. You are making a small fraction of what is needed overall. You sound tired and I think are realising that in this case your hard work isn’t going to make the change you wanted. That’s really hard but it’s important to be honest. How would it feel if you stopped pumping and allowed your baby to feed at the breast while they are happy but with no expectation of how many feeds, how often or does how long they will do so? You can just follow your baby’s lead. You can still plan to get those lovely parts of mothering, the close cuddles and responsive feeding.

You could, if you want to understand more about what has happened, ask your gp to perform a hormone screen or to see if you might have breast hypoplasia. Either could account for your low supply as could a significant postnatal bleed.

It’s really difficult when you work so hard and know what you want but have such a tough time.

Firstly, you are definitely not being unreasonable, whatever you decide.

Secondly, you've clearly tried everything that the experts have suggested, and put in as much effort as humanly possible. I'm one of those people who often secretly thinks mothers should have often persevered a bit more with BF (obviously I never ever say this to them). But even I think you've worked so hard at this that it might be best all round to reduce or cut out BF altogether.

Thirdly, you'll probably feel guilty and like you've failed whatever you do. That would be unreasonable (because you've been amazing maintaining that regime for so long) but understandable (because most good mothers feel that a lot).

You sound like a lovely mum, and I hope you have peace with whatever you decide

With DS1 I pumped for nine months. Averaged seven times a day. Crazy.

I will tell you, kindly, what I wish someone had told me. It's ok to stop.

If you want to offer boob then do. If you don't then don't. But don't feel you need to pump. Enjoy your baby.

I’ve never felt letdown and never been able to pump more than an oz.

Ebf and it didn’t make a difference.

But baby had wet nappies and gained weight. Are you SURE baby wasn’t getting enough?

I'd consider not pumping. I Combi fed both mine for over a year but didn't pump, just boob and formula. I kept on with the boob because I liked it, both DC drank loads of formula. When I didn't want to bf any more, I stopped and just did bottles. It's okay to do that whenever you want.

I was in exactly same boat as you, gave up pumping and continued to combi feed and loving it! You get best of both worlds, can give a boob for comfort, food, immunity, but equally can ask someone else to feed LO with a bottle, not worrying about having enough milk is great too, feeding with the bottle in the pushchair outside is easy when they are older. I also manage to feed him with just boob at night after his night bottle. I've got a bit of milk in the morning so he doesn't need a bottle first thing. It works like a dream.

Pumping and sterilizing all the gear is such a pain, that alone can make mums life a misery. You gave it a fair shot, I'd give up and enjoy combi feeding.

It's absolutely ok to stop. You'll enjoy her far more

Formula is amazing stuff, plus you’ve given your baby the benefits of breastmilk for 16 weeks which is a great start.

Pumping is v hard work and time consuming and stressful so I gave up on that with my baby. Formula is a godsend. We combi feed and honestly when she started having a bottle and loving her milk I felt such huge relief it’s hard to explain I wouldn’t say it was a burden being her only source of nutrition but I felt such pressure and responsibility and it sounds sully but formula is nutrition for her and freedom for me !

Breastfeeding is tiring, I think in your heart you want to stop and you need to believe this is ok and it totally is. As mothers we put so much guilt on ourselves and tbh your baby is healthy and happy so put that guilt in a box and get rid of it. Then do what you need to wethers that's boob or bottle but whatever you choose leave the guilt at the door!

I just wanted to say though that pumping doesn't give you a true representation of the milk you produce. Mine were ebf and I could never pump more than one or two ounces. If you did want to ebf you'd have to slowly reduce the formula so you could build up your supply. Formula does really mess with your supply in the early days (which is so annoying as it can definitely save your sanity at times).

I had similar in that after every breast feed my baby would drink a massive bottle of formula. She just was not satisfied with my milk despite everything I tried (although I did not try everything you have!). I managed to increase my supply a bit so that eventually one feed a day (first thing in the morning) was breast milk only (boob and then a bottle I had expressed in the middle of the night) but all the other feeds were combi with formula and it was so tiring and demoralising. I stopped around 5 months and just do formula now. Baby hardly noticed that we stopped breastfeeding! She is perfectly happy and thriving. I am getting more sleep, less stressed, much much less faff as only the bottles to worry about now. I also feel better in my body (I have a prolapse and gynae said that I would start to improve when I stopped breastfeeding and it did). It’s ok to stop if you want to stop. It’s probably different for everyone but I am honestly so so pleased I stopped when I did because now we are weaning I don’t know how I would have coped with the expressing and sterilising and boob plus all the weaning food prep and clean up.

Don’t spoil this precious time worrying about BFing.
There’s no harm in all bottle if you want to.

Are you on Facebook? Have a look at “the Milk Meg” she’s based in Australia but offers excellent free advice on her Facebook page, and (paid for) individual consultations worldwide

Thanks everyone. This is my first post and I’ve been wanting to ask advice for ages, but was a bit worried as I know how these posts can go sometimes. I’m really touched, and have had a happy cry feeling so supported by strangers. For anyone that knows me, this is quite uncharacteristic, I’m usually a hard-nosed so-and-so!
@LividLaVidaLoca I’m not sure, I guess so as the lactation specialist said I wasn’t producing enough. I don’t know how that would help me going forward though, do you think I’d be able to ebf now if I pump and try and feed more?

I just wanted to be able to breastfeed and am scared that if I stop the pumping I’ll completely shut down the milk production!

Thank you so much for your supportive comments, you’ve no idea how much it’s helped.

It won’t be that long before you’re weaning her, and in a couple of years you’ll be taking her to McDonalds ! Please don’t stress 💐

Excellent advice already but worth adding that some women actually find their supply decreases with fenugreek, rather than the desired effect. So it may be worth dropping that to see if there's any effect.

You've done an amazing job - better than I did! I have insufficient glandular tissue and I'm afraid by reading your post you might have the same. They always say 'most' women can breastfeed - well there is a small number of us who just physically can't. Kellymom and other American sites have great information on it as its better known over there. Rest assured you have done an amazing job. If your LO likes the breast for comfort then keep offering but you will more than likely need to feed formula. It's necessary and it will do the job.
With the best will in the world I would advise you to be cautious about people who say 'oh maybe you are really making enough' or 'I could never pump and my supply is fine'. I went through this with two babies and trust me, my boobs don't feed babies, there is no skin to skin or supplement in the world that would make them function properly.
Check out IGT to put your mind at ease - and the good news is you have probably built breast tissue that will improve your supply on subsequent babies. Keep giving the boob for comfort, feed your formula and give yourself a massive pat on the back x

A friend of mine was in a similar situation with both her babies. Second time round she decided to do formula but offer the boob once a day, without thinking too much about how much milk is coming out. She enjoyed the closeness without the stress of worrying about weight gain etc.

Four months is still going to have given your baby loads of good stuff, and weaning is just round the corner. Don't beat yourself up, whatever you do.

Echo the happy mum = happy baby. Reading your posts feels like you are trying to manage three different feeding methods and getting the worst of all worlds - ie pumping and sterilising bottles.

Only you can decide to stop but you wouldn't be failing your baby at all - you have given your baby 16 weeks of goodness!

I had this with mixed feeding.

I’d suggest carrying on feeding her with both breast and bottle, but ditch the pump- they make you miserable and are a torture device when you’ve got a newborn and you’re exhausted.

Top up with formula by all means, but any amount of breast milk is good, so offer her both boobs first, then top up with bottle- totally fine.

Of course if you want to stop breastfeeding completely definitely do - you don’t need permission, and ending now is not a failure. You’ve come far further than most new Mum’s get to already; well done.

Thanks @R3ALLY, I will definitely check those sites out. I think you’re right, I feel like there is nothing really there - I got fatter and my boobs got slightly bigger (due to the putting on weight), but there was no real breast tissue below the nipple. It’s been that way since I was a teen.

I’ll continue to feed for comfort, she’s so good, always wants the boob despite easily taking the bottle. I just wish I could provide everything she needs from me, but it is lovely she can have feeds from her dad and I love seeing them bond. It really reinforces the family unit and I have no qualms popping out and knowing they’re self sufficient!

I know I’ll look back on this, when she’s 21, and all the trials and tribulations that have gone before, realising these few months were such a non-event and she was fed and loved and that’s all that really matters. But, for now, it may take a while to grieve for what I thought being a mum would be like. I won’t take things (that come naturally) for granted again that’s for sure!

You’ve put a fantastic effort into trying to b/f and statistically most women never get to 16 weeks so be proud of yourself. However, formula is not poison and your baby will thrive whether she’s bf or formula combo.

I ebf for 6 months and I wish someone had told me to stop - I was utterly miserable and exhausted with a baby who had tongue tie (and medics refused to cut), and when he went onto formula we were both happy
for the first time.

My sister-in-law exclusively pumped for 8 months as her baby was too weak to bf initially (very prem) and she now says she wishes someone had told her to spend quality time with her baby rather than the exhausting routine of pumping taking over her life.

Sometimes you have to think of yourself rather than just the baby - she will thrive whether bf or formula.