To get out of breastfeeding limbo?

[Nickolij]

I have a beautiful 16wk old daughter. The latch from birth was textbook, straight on the boob and had skin to skin for 24hrs. But, I wasn’t producing enough milk and felt the need to supplement (milk didn’t arrive for 3wks and even then there was no engorgement and I have never had letdown).
I had amazing support from the lactation consultants, and continued to combifeed but for every boob feed, a bottle was required straight after and judging by the volume she drank, it didn’t seem she was getting much from me. So far I have tried:
Skin to skin constantly
Expressing after every feed (have hospital pump)
Expressing every 2hrs (including at night)
Moringa, fenugreek, domperidone (prescribed)
Heat, massage, etc
Checked multiple times for tongue tie

She’s growing very well, but I feel like such a failure as she’s drinking over a litre of formula a day, so it must just be comfort on the breast. I don’t know what else to try, I’m either feeding or pumping, on my own every day so when she sleeps on me I can’t pump. I can pump a 10th of what she drinks each day and that takes hrs. I am exclusively pumping in the morning as that’s when it should be higher (on the advice of the consultant), but still not getting enough (about a tablespoon from each boob for 10mins pumping). Worried I’m wasting this lovely time with my daughter, but I don’t want to give up, is there anything else I can do?! She’s getting about 3oz a day from me as that’s all I can pump, and that has taken weeks and weeks to build up. The lactation consultant said it was unlikely I can exclusively breastfeed, when she checked her feeding, she has never got into the deep sucking feed and this was recently after all the effort I’d put in. I am running out of ideas, I do have little breast tissue, so that could also be a factor. She gets frustrated after 10mins on the boob as nothing more comes out.

I’m so tired, I can’t keep up with this cycle of pumping and feeding and also cleaning bottles. I feel like I’m getting the worst of both worlds! Any advice?

It's completely ok to feel sad that things didn't go the way you want, don't try and rush through anything and don't let anyone minimise your feelings but at the same time let me assure you, all of the good stuff in breastmilk is in every feed regardless of volume so you have given LO 16 weeks of everything breastfeeding has to offer, all of the immunity, everything. For me it helped to speak to an IBCLC because she confirmed I had IGT and then there was no guilt or anything, it's just how I'm made like my size seven feet or my curly hair - circumstances beyond my control!

I’m another one who could never pump more than 1oz, never felt let down, never leaked, never engorged…yet have ebf 2 babies. Both started out whoppers (90th centile+) then dropped to around 50th in what I now know was totally fine “catch down” growth, yet both times I had loads of people including expensive lactation consultants telling me I had no milk and would have to supplement and my babies were starving. Tbh I don’t know why I even bothered asking the second time after my first experience! Both my babies were alert with plenty of wet and dirty nappies so I just carried on.

Once you start supplementing your body naturally adjusts by making less milk so it may well be that your milk supply was absolutely fine but now has reduced to match the formula intake.

I found pumping soul destroying. I think you need to stop that and just keep offering the breast first and then give formula after. If your baby ends up solely on formula that is not failure - you’ve done amazingly to get this far and they will thrive! If you do want to persevere with bf then look into a SNS - you can feed the baby formula through this but they will stimulate your breasts at the same time.

Good luck!!!