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Original poster

4 year old DD constantly grumpy? My soul is being crushed

43 replies

CarryOnNurse20 · 29/07/2021 19:16

I was so excited for 4. Past toddler stage! School child! Can do so much more and play properly! DD hit 4 5 months ago and has been an absolute grotbag since. She’s so grumpy whenever she’s home. After school (or today holiday club) I blame tiredness but it’s always. On the edge of emotion, grumpy, doesn’t want to play or does but gets so overbearing and angry when I DONT DO IT RIGHT. I try to be calm but firm, don’t let her get away with bad behaviour but also try to empower her as much as possible (let her choose what to wear, choose out of options for dinnner, what shall we do next etc). Today with a whingy 2 year old who’s teething too I’m literally on the edge of losing my mind. Has anyone else had this?! Did it get better? How did you manage it? I’m drowning my sorrows in wine which isn’t a sustainable solution Blush.

OP posts:
delilabell · 29/07/2021 19:20

Hmm my daughter is 5 and is tje same in afraid. Shes marginally better when shes not tired but she's constantly whining and stopping. Proper toddle tantrums on the floor. I try to remind her she is not in charge, she's not rje only one in tje family and give her small choices eg rather than "what do you want to wear today" I say dress or shorts please. This has started to minimise things. I do feel your pain. My son was similar but less dramatic about it and he deffo outgrew it.

sconenotscon · 29/07/2021 19:21

Following with interest as my daughter is going through the same thing. I feel your pain!

Hercisback · 29/07/2021 19:24

Following. My son can be the same. At times he's delightful and great to be around. Other times (when he doesn't get his own way) he's awful.

Santastealer · 29/07/2021 19:25

My 4.5 year old is the same and his 2 year old sister is copying it!

He moans and whinges from the minute he wakes up. Nothing is every right. His clothes don’t feel right, his dinner is too hot, too cold, there is too much, not enough.

He literally saps the joy out of you and I’m exhausted by the time he goes to bed!

Hoping he grows out of it soon

Seeline · 29/07/2021 19:25

I think it often is tiredness. Also worse when they are hungry. Snacks help. Four is still really quite small, and they haven't mastered their emotions.

Original poster
CarryOnNurse20 · 29/07/2021 19:31

Of course I don’t want to expect too much from her. The other day she woke up (after 12 hours solid sleep) and refused to come downstairs for ages, was hungry but wouldn’t say what she wanted for breakfast, didn’t want to go to THAT park. It’s v rare I lose my temper despite days and days of being worn down but I have a couple of times (although I’m namby pamby and losing my temper is still me raising my voice slightly and showing my frustration). I am however always first, consistent and follow through with any consequences etc. As a nurse I’m quite adept at ‘dealing with people’ ahem Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
CarryOnNurse20 · 29/07/2021 19:32

Always firm **

OP posts:
evrey · 29/07/2021 19:32

I have a 7 year old dd and she is just the same! has been since she was around 3, she crys and whinges about 10 times before 10am . A little better if she isnt tired or hungry.
I used to hope she would grow out of it but if doesnt appear so Confused . So I'm just accepting the fact she is a bit highly strung.

PerhapsCarriageGreen · 29/07/2021 19:34

I'll swap your grumpy 4 year old for my grumpy 17 year old, if that helps.

user1485434323 · 29/07/2021 19:41

Iv come on here to search for emotional 4 year olds. My little boy has gone from a kind cuddly little thing to a moody, grump, who listens to nothing and likes to just be silly constantly. The last few weeks have been a nightmare.

Teacupsandtoast · 29/07/2021 19:51

There's a reason it's called the 'fuck it fours' - honestly, it is one of the WORST ages

Panda2021 · 29/07/2021 19:51

@user1485434323 ohhhh thank you for saying this, I am in exactly same position word for word!!!!

Popcornbetty · 29/07/2021 19:55

Following after the day I've had...
Confused frazzled

Popcornbetty · 29/07/2021 19:58

4 going on 14 i'm sure

PivotPivotPivottt · 29/07/2021 20:05

Following as my 4 year old is the exact same. I'm positive my 9 year old was nothing like her at that age! Sometimes I wonder if I maybe blanked it out but I doubt it or I wouldn't have had another one. This one is the reason I'm never having any more children and that's not an exaggeration she's nearly broke me especially over the last year.

Alleycat02 · 29/07/2021 20:06

Yes, this is my 5 year old to a T.
I can only guess that it's an evil combination of tiredness from school, all the lockdown-related uncertainty, wanting more independence and pushing boundaries but not really having the emotional skills to express themselves! Or just my crappy parenting....
All the wine in the world is not enough, praying they grow out of it soon!!

Original poster
CarryOnNurse20 · 29/07/2021 20:13

@Teacupsandtoast

There's a reason it's called the 'fuck it fours' - honestly, it is one of the WORST ages
Noooo! We were tricked!! Terrible twos…threenager…we were supposed to be rewarded with angel children who adore us and are still cute and little but perfectly behaved and delightful…right??
OP posts:
user1485434323 · 29/07/2021 20:16

I'm at a loss I don't know about anybody else. I had to carry him out of a park/ cafe today after a melt down. This time a month ago honestly he was such a lovely little boy. I could take him anywhere and he was amazing, we had lots of lovely little times.
I have no idea what to do......Iv tried everything. Cuddles, more 1/1 time, ignoring the behaviour, rewarding good behaviour.
today Iv absolutely had enough....
it's also not fair on his little sister (she's 3 next week).....
Tonight I have wine

44PumpLane · 29/07/2021 20:21

One of my 4.5 year old twins is the same (well the other one whinges loads too).

The one in question is so explosively angry about the most ridiculous stuff, she shouts and kicks and hits.... It absolutely sucks the joy out of the day and leaves you feeling exhausted.

I have the HV coming to help me figure out what we need to be doing when these episodes happen as we don't want to be making things worse and we try to be consistent but they are so unreasonable at this age.

I'm just praying it gets better!

LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2021 17:04

If she's safe upstairs can you just leave her to come down of her own accord in the morning ?

Now is the time to ignore much more of the whinging and go and get on with doing something else - preferably with headphones in or the music up loud

She basically wants you to continue to engage with her

Original poster
CarryOnNurse20 · 30/07/2021 17:22

@LaurieFairyCake yes it is safe as grumpy as she is she’s also very very good and wouldn’t do anything silly so I do feel safe leaving her. I was going to go with the ignoring thing but I always get nervous all these ‘gentle parenting’ things I see say try and talk to them, engage them etc. Seems old school to just leave them (although definitely what my parents would have done)!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2021 17:28

I think it's fine to ignore the whining after being offered choices/spoken to nicely etc

How else do they learn to soothe themselves if parents meet every whim?

I always named what was going on "oh you just want to complain, that's totally fine - I'm just going to be doing the chopping in here if you need me"

EssentialHummus · 30/07/2021 17:47

Mine's nearly four so might be better for me to keep my mouth shut in case the worst is still to come, but with the "won't come down to breakfast" type stuff I just don't engage. "OK, mum's going to have her breakfast now. If you want yours it's here for you" - and then just get on with it. She appears a few minutes later to tell me something about Frozen and eat her porridge.

CaveMum · 30/07/2021 18:01

My DD (now 7) showed no sign of Terrible Twos, a teeny bit of Threenager, but oh my god the Fuckin’ Fours Shock we’re a nightmare!

We got through it eventually, with much Gin for me, but DS hit 4 a few months ago and I’ve noticed a distinct downturn in his mood/behaviour in recent weeks

MrsVakarian · 30/07/2021 18:10

Ha! I work with 4 and 5 year olds and honestly I have enjoyed this thread, its all so true. Some just complain alot and are very often grumpy. I recommend not engaging honestly and try not to let it get to you. Also killing them with kindness and enthusiasm as much as you can muster.

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