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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you leave your DC overnight?

59 replies

Cocopogo · 29/07/2021 18:23

My parents never went out in the evening and certainly not overnight so I always feel bad if I go out and leave DD12 after dark though I’m more nervous of the dark than she is. I also have DS16 at home too. Though sometimes that’s worse as they can argue and I get a he said/she said conversation, though it’s never gone beyond arguing. DB and I used to scrap all over the living room floor when my mum popped to the shops!
I have DP now and it would be nice to spend the night with him but maybe I should wait another couple of years.
How old did you leave yours?

OP posts:

kowari · 29/07/2021 19:30

It'd be no different to the 16 year old being there alone except they'd have some company if they wanted it.
Yes, it's more a imagining a ghost in the house, power going out, gate banging in the wind type reason why they need company. Many 16 or 18 year olds wouldn't want to be alone in some houses either.

BackforGood · 29/07/2021 19:35

As with everytime this question is asked, there are so many "it depends"

I would expect a 16 and 12 yr old to be fine for a late night with each other, though I personally wouldn't leave them overnight

This would depend of course on the 16 yr old agreeing they are responsible and that they won't go out.

I would expect a 12 yr old to be fine on their own for you to go out earlier in the evening - say going for a meal for a couple of hours.
If, for some reason they were nervous of staying on their own, do they not have a local friend they might be able to go round to for a few hours and you collect them on the way home ? No skin off the nose of the friend's parents - it's not like they need looking after at that age.

JellyNellie · 29/07/2021 19:37

I'd allow my 16 year old &12year old alone for the night,when I was 16 weoved across the country,I was left at new house with my brother's 14&1.5years old over night while mum & dad packed the van and moved everything? This was only 9years ago?

lannistunut · 29/07/2021 19:40

I think you need to leave this more than a year.

I was left a lot as a secondary school-aged child. Even though I acted like I was fine, it was actually horrible.

Also leaving them in the daytime is very different to leaving them at night.

CantChatNow · 29/07/2021 19:42

Nope, 12 year old isn’t old enough. I’d take 12 yo and leave 16 yo though!

Sunshineaftermorningrain · 29/07/2021 19:42

My parents used to go out and leave me with my brother when I was about twelve and I didn’t like it, although I didn’t say so. I wouldn’t personally to be honest, would DP be able to come to you?

fourandnomore · 29/07/2021 19:45

No way I’d leave a 16 and 12 year old overnight. Spend time with your DP in some other way. Evening maybe till 9/10 or something but no, especially since they argue. I used to look after my younger siblings at 14/15 till about 9pm, which I was totally fine with.

HarrietOh · 29/07/2021 19:47

My DM did this when she got DP I was 16 and sister was 14. I resented being “baby sitter” because at 16 I wanted to be out with friends not sat at home.

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/07/2021 19:51

I would consider leaving a 12 year old overnight with a 16 year old neglect tbh.

Nodancingshoes · 29/07/2021 19:51

I have an 11 and 15 year old and wouldnt be leaving them overnight for at least another couple of years. They are both massive scaredy cats anyway and would be distraught! I I obviously leave them in the day sometimes and ive left them in the evening before for a couple or hours until about 930 but they are no where near being ready for the night time alone

unidentifed · 29/07/2021 19:52

I leave my 12yr old during the day to mind to her 9yr and 6yr old siblings. I wouldn't do it overnight though. 4-5 hours day time is usually our max. And we pay her to prevent resentment and teach her how to earn and save.

NumberTheory · 29/07/2021 19:55

I wouldn’t leave a12 year old alone, or with a sibling they didn’t get on with, overnight. Though possibly alone for a few hours in the evening, would want to be fairly close by with good phone contact, though.

I’d be happy to leave them overnight with the right person with them - say if they went for a sleepover, or stayed with their dad/grandparents/family friend.

I wouldn’t feel guilt for going out, but I would take my responsibility to ensure my 12 year old was properly cared for seriously.

Serenissima21 · 29/07/2021 19:55

My 16 year old looks after his younger siblings if we go out in the evening now but 1) they are all fine with this (in fact they quite enjoy it) and 2) I wouldn't leave them overnight. It's so nice not to need a babysitter anymore!

Looubylou · 29/07/2021 19:56

I would not leave a 16 year old brother in charge of a 12 year old sibling overnight. For a night out yes.

gogohm · 29/07/2021 19:59

I would leave a 12 year old with their 16 year old sibling, not every week, that's not fair, but every now and again

toocold54 · 29/07/2021 20:01

I would feel better that there was 2 of them but I do think 12 is too young. Why not just go out until late instead?

It also depends where you live.
Lots of break ins happen during the night especially if they think no ones home/asleep. So that would be my biggest fear. But I used to live on a big council estate where everyone knew everyone and I feel more comfortable that there were lots of people around in case of an emergency.

lannistunut · 29/07/2021 20:01

@Willyoujustbequiet

I would consider leaving a 12 year old overnight with a 16 year old neglect tbh.

I certainly felt neglected when I was left.

WaterIsBest · 29/07/2021 20:02

12 year old alone over night, No

aliyia84 · 29/07/2021 20:04

DD is 15 and I wouldn't leave her overnight just yet. Maybe at 16. But only if she felt comfortable (she would probably want a friend to stay over with her) and I wouldn't be happy to be too far away either.

blahblahblah321 · 29/07/2021 20:09

DS1 was just short of 17 when he was left overnight - we were about 30 mins away.

DS2 was 12.5 when we left him recently for a couple of hours whilst we went to the pub. Less than a mile away, and I had the car (don't drink).

Probably the earliest we left them together was aged 10 and 15, we went out for a meal.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 29/07/2021 20:40

Would definitely not leave a 12 year old overnight (even with 16 year old sibling) and would not leave late into the evening either. Not beyond about 9 or 10pm.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 29/07/2021 20:42

I’m not sure where you get the idea from that opinion is quite divided on this. It really isn’t.

LuaDipa · 29/07/2021 21:24

Not a chance.

shouldistop · 29/07/2021 21:27

I wouldn't leave a 12 year old overnight.

18 & 14 would be ok though.

I've got to say that my mum started regularly leaving me overnight at 16 and I had a lot of parties.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/07/2021 21:28

@kowari

I think it's unreasonable to expect a 16 year old to be in charge of a 12 year old overnight, they're not the parent. An 18 year old sibling or a 30 year old aunt wouldn't be the parent either. Some might want the eldest to be an adult but I don't think it's anything to do with being the parent.

No, but a 30 year old is a mature grown adult and a 16 year old isn't.

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