to ask what is so special about blond hair

[pocpocpoc]

My husband is white and English, I am not white and foreign. I have dark hair and my genetics pretty much guarantee that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are almost 100% likely to have dark hair too.

DH's brother is married to a white English woman and their daughter is the same age as DD. She is taller than DD and has blond hair. Both are nice young ladies, reasonably attractive, but in different ways.

Something that bothered me for a long time, but I could only put a finger on recently, is how MIL (and others in the family) talk about DD's cousin's blond hair and height, almost as a counter-point to anything DD does that is of mention. For instance: "Well done for getting 12 A* GCSEs (saving a child from fire, winning Olympics, getting a Nobel prize), so proud of you being so academic/brave/athletic/hard-working and also of your cousin, who is a tall blond". I find it strange that DD is typically praised for something she has done and worked hard for, while her cousin is praised only for her looks.

Where it is getting ridiculous is that I noticed DH's sister doing the same thing, this time with our boys. Not long ago she said to me "aren't you lucky that your son has such a good friend to play with, with his beautiful head of blond hair" - the sentence really didn't make sense to me. Thinking back I realised that the blond hair has been brought up every time we met in the last couple of years.

In my culture we don't attribute any special value to blond hair. It is very rare, usually means that the blond person is of another ethnicity. Some people get their hair bleached, but it does not confer any superiority or praise. So help me to understand: what is so special about blond hair? AIBU to be bothered? AIBU to detect a hint of racism?

[BettyAndFrank]

@Itseemslike

Left wing women tend to love light haired light eyed men the most

Eehhh…Boris? Maggie? 😂

[CarryOn1]

It is considered pretty. And can be very pretty (or not). Maybe she is strikingly beautiful and her grandmother is proud?
Seems she was also complimenting your child on achievements.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

Itseemslike
Left wing women tend to love light haired light eyed men the most“

Eh? Left leaning, dark hair and sultry brown eyes all the way for me.

[pocpocpoc]

@HooverIsAlwaysBroken

But isn’t is a bit of rarity factor in it? That we want what we do not have?

My DCs (and I) are blond and blue eyed. DS’ friend is mixed race and has the most amazing, brown curls and chocolate brown eyes. I am being very careful not to comment on children’s looks, we only talk about personally but I think that little boy is stunning.

If this logic applied, then my mixed race children with dark eyes, dark hair and olive skin would be considered a rarity and 'what we do not have'.

Yet, the white family praises children who look most white.

[NakedAttraction]

[quote pocpocpoc]@2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl

As an aside, it must be tiresome for your niece to have her hair colour keep being mentioned over and over. Does anyone have anything positive to say about her actual achievements?

Not sure how she feels about it, but it is quite undermining for DD to see that her hard work and achievements are compared as equal in value to something others are born with.
There is also an implied message that DD is not as attractive - again, wrong on so many levels. Both are pretty in the young person type of way. Neither is a stand-out 'cover of a magazine' /model beauty. Just your average teenagers, probably with an equal number of admirers.[/quote]
I actually think it’s worse for your niece. Imagine only ever being praised for how you look, when your cousin is constantly praised for all their great achievements.

[GigglingElephant]

I could never work out, as a child, why all the fairy tales had heroines who were blonde - usually described as 'golden hair'. Used to annoy me. (I'm white with dark hair).

[MrsSkylerWhite]

GigglingElephant

I could never work out, as a child, why all the fairy tales had heroines who were blonde - usually described as 'golden hair'. Used to annoy me. (I'm white with dark hair).“

Snow White’s your gal.

[NakedAttraction]

It is a strange thing that people tend to fawn over in children, perhaps because most won't remain blonde past childhood?

This. I’m always commenting on how blonde one of my kids is. They’re often the blondest kid in the playground. Far blonder than either I or OH were when we were kids so it’s become a kind of mystery blonde to us. And I know it won’t last for ever (their cousin went from quite blonde to dark in the space of about 6 months).

[Recessed]

It is odd but I have to admit I'm guilty of it too! Blonde hair is unusual here and it's just very cute on children. Since typically children are the only ones who have naturally bright blonde hair as it is highly likely to darken as they get older. It's not racist, it has zero to do with race. I was hounded in India in my twenties as a bottle blonde. People constantly wanted photos etc. My (also white) brunette friend was not and she's much more attractive than me - it's just unusual to see blonde hair I guess.

[Bighorriblemirror]

I had white blonde hair as a child that's got darker as I got older, but still 'bleaches' in the sun so I end up with a very blonde fringe and other random bits (because it's tied up most of the time) which I'm always accused of dyeing.
Myself and my brother were the blonde haired ones and we were kind of dismissed as people (or that's how it felt) because we were so "beautiful". Looking back at photos we're both pale and mawky, my sister by comparison is very striking with dark hair and eyes and a darker skin tone.
I am still really pale now, I joke that if I lie still long enough and hold my breath I could be mistaken for a corpse, my hair is darker but termed as dark blonde maybe, it's not quite golden blonde but not quite brown. Eyes are green.
Anyway no matter of my hair colour because I'm now invisible at 42 and a few stone overweight! 🤣

[MythicalBiologicalFennel]

This isn't good for either child OP.

"Oh grandchild 1 you are so clever, you achieved X, Y and Z. And you, grandchild 2... erm.... uuuhhh... you are vewy pwetty and we all love you very much" 🤦🏽‍♀️

Time for a sensible chat with your family?

[Essentialironingwater]

My dad is from a middle Eastern country and is obsessed with my blonde haired green eyed son's colouring. Particularly the green eyes, which they don't have there. Men used to say 'les yeux verts' to me in the street when I walked around.

My husband's white British parents don't give a shit about the colouring, least of all my FIL whose hair my tot seems to have inherited.

I don't know if it's necessarily a racist thing. My dad doesn't have a weird thing about white people, he just finds the colouring really novel to him.

[Backstreetsbackalrightdadada]

Want to say yes!!! Op we have blond cousins, all very blond - they get comments all the time, and did when we were growing up about how lucky they were the implication to me was that we weren’t :( but if you look around, I dunno… I guess it is really rare? I mean now as a grown up they’re the only ppl I know who I guess look like that, like silly blond hair… others I know dye it. Maybe it is actually rare… doesn’t excuse your in laws who sound like knobs though

[Backstreetsbackalrightdadada]

Lol not silly blond hair but silky…. Like properly “scandi” I guess?

[pocpocpoc]

@Essentialironingwater

My dad is from a middle Eastern country and is obsessed with my blonde haired green eyed son's colouring. Particularly the green eyes, which they don't have there. Men used to say 'les yeux verts' to me in the street when I walked around.

My husband's white British parents don't give a shit about the colouring, least of all my FIL whose hair my tot seems to have inherited.

I don't know if it's necessarily a racist thing. My dad doesn't have a weird thing about white people, he just finds the colouring really novel to him.

Yes, I get this. In this case it is probably not race, but novelty.

In my case, MY kids are novelty and exotic looking. The blonde kids look pretty much like everyone else around them.

So I do think it is about race sadly. It is about the other kids looking more 'the type'.

[Backstreetsbackalrightdadada]

Sorry I do not it freaking weird thing to obsess over, like fetishising it. Wonder if those kids like the attention or find it weird - one of our cousins turned out very shy

[Backstreetsbackalrightdadada]

NakedAttraction yes to people assuming blond = young, everyone assumed our cousins were younger (5 years older)

[pocpocpoc]

@MrsSkylerWhite

GigglingElephant

I could never work out, as a child, why all the fairy tales had heroines who were blonde - usually described as 'golden hair'. Used to annoy me. (I'm white with dark hair).“

Snow White’s your gal.

Well, I didn't grow up here. And in my fairy tales the girls had thick black long hair.

[pocpocpoc]

@Backstreetsbackalrightdadada

NakedAttraction yes to people assuming blond = young, everyone assumed our cousins were younger (5 years older)

Very strange when you talk about 4 year old boys! They look young regardless of their hair.

[pocpocpoc]

@MythicalBiologicalFennel

This isn't good for either child OP.

"Oh grandchild 1 you are so clever, you achieved X, Y and Z. And you, grandchild 2... erm.... uuuhhh... you are vewy pwetty and we all love you very much" 🤦🏽‍♀️

Time for a sensible chat with your family?

Agree.

[Suspicioussam]

@Comedycook I'm not naive at all actually. You've assumed I am because I have a slightly different point of view which isn't the current popular one.
People tend to be drawn to things that are more unusual. In countries where blonde hair is more common it is less admired. Think Sweden, my Swedish said people never commented on her hair, it was just the norm and actually she wished her hair was dark.
Interestingly women tend to prefer darker haired men, so there are many factors at play. The children I have seen most fussed over are the mixed race children with blue or green eyes which is so unusual. My friends son is half Mexican and half Portuguese, thick black long hair, beautiful dark skin and dark eyes. He is gorgeous and most definitely fussed over.
It's just light blonde hair can stand out over a sea of mousy or brown.

[DarkDarkNight]

It’s unusual in some countries so I can see how it can be prized by people. I live by a National Park and when my son was a toddler we were out and a group of Japanese tourists were really interested in him and asking to take photos.

I love my son’s hair and know he will probably go dark eventually but I will miss his blonde hair and blue eyes so much.

What somebody said about blonde girls at school has really triggered me . I always wanted to be an angel in The Nativity but it was always the blonde girls who got picked.

[Durbeyfield]

Some people do seem to make a thing about it. I think it’s daft as some of the most beautiful women and men who have lived have had dark hair (or auburn, or grey or whatever).

[Suspicioussam]

I just want to point out that I couldn't actually give a toss what kids look like, I appreciate them for their characters and personalities. I have a blonde child and a brown haired child who are equally gorgeous in my eyes, but just trying to discuss the reasons why some get more 'fuss' than others.

[pocpocpoc]

@CarryOn1

It is considered pretty. And can be very pretty (or not). Maybe she is strikingly beautiful and her grandmother is proud?
Seems she was also complimenting your child on achievements.

Not to be unkind, but the girl is pretty, but not strikingly beautiful. Also, her hair is blonde, but not striking. It is more like mousy blonde.

We do have some strikingly beautiful people in the family (the ones that always turn heads) that have very dark hair and eyes.