to ask what is so special about blond hair

[pocpocpoc]

My husband is white and English, I am not white and foreign. I have dark hair and my genetics pretty much guarantee that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are almost 100% likely to have dark hair too.

DH's brother is married to a white English woman and their daughter is the same age as DD. She is taller than DD and has blond hair. Both are nice young ladies, reasonably attractive, but in different ways.

Something that bothered me for a long time, but I could only put a finger on recently, is how MIL (and others in the family) talk about DD's cousin's blond hair and height, almost as a counter-point to anything DD does that is of mention. For instance: "Well done for getting 12 A* GCSEs (saving a child from fire, winning Olympics, getting a Nobel prize), so proud of you being so academic/brave/athletic/hard-working and also of your cousin, who is a tall blond". I find it strange that DD is typically praised for something she has done and worked hard for, while her cousin is praised only for her looks.

Where it is getting ridiculous is that I noticed DH's sister doing the same thing, this time with our boys. Not long ago she said to me "aren't you lucky that your son has such a good friend to play with, with his beautiful head of blond hair" - the sentence really didn't make sense to me. Thinking back I realised that the blond hair has been brought up every time we met in the last couple of years.

In my culture we don't attribute any special value to blond hair. It is very rare, usually means that the blond person is of another ethnicity. Some people get their hair bleached, but it does not confer any superiority or praise. So help me to understand: what is so special about blond hair? AIBU to be bothered? AIBU to detect a hint of racism?

[Comedycook]

Blonde hair on kids is just so beautiful

I really don't think it is.

[adrianmolesmole]

@IcedPurple

Globally, natural blonde hair is very rare amongst adults. Even in famously blonde Scandinavia, most people are not natural blondes. In much of the world almost nobody naturally has blonde hair. Sure, these days, anyone can be blonde with a 10 quid box of Nice 'n' Easy, but perhaps blonde hair has traditionally been prized because it is so rare?

Red hair is also rare yet doesn't seem to get the same adulation?

[Suspicioussam]

Blonde hair is on kids can be so beautiful and striking. Natural blonde shiny hair is rare in adults in this country, it's usually mousy or bleached.

I'm surprised you come from a culture where it is rare but noone makes a fuss. I was very blonde as a child/teen and every country I went to where blonde hair was very uncommon made a HUGE fuss, way more so than here, to the point of being quite intimidating actually.

[Positivelycorona]

Blonde hair can be multi tonal and can give the effect of golden tones therefore it tends to stand out . The colour gold has always been held in high regard. The British royals were often light haired and it was seen as a sign of beauty in Tudor times and beyond. Angels are often depicted with blonde hair too. I have travelled to many countries and have been singled out for blonde hair and blue eye colour. I hear often parents talking about children’s’ hair colour and hoping it stays blonde. It certainly seems to be the case that blonde hair is widely admired.

[elsaesmeralda]

I remember dying my hair dark brown when I was 14 as I was sick of the boys at school calling me a bimbo, when I went in with dark hair the next day they all said what have you done that for!!

[Allthesefolks]

It’s weird but people do comment on it a lot, despite the fact we live in a fairly non-diverse area of the country and 90% of the kids at DC’s nursery are blond so it’s not unusual. They are still little and cute so we get a lot of comments about their hair and “big blue eyes”, DC1 is a double-whammy as she’s curly too. It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I wonder if there is a hint of blond being superior in the mindset rather than just pointing out nice hair.

They get it more from DH as my childhood blonde faded to mousy pretty quickly and my eyes are darker blue. I had a fiend growing up who was half-Iranian and I was always super envious of her shiny dark brown hair and huge dark brown eyes!

[LeonardLikesThisPost]

I've never got it either. The cutest kids and most beautiful adults I've seen are dark. (IMO)

[JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil]

‘My DS has blonde curly hair and blue eyes. DH and I are both brunette. People are always commenting on his looks and staff at his nursery have admitted to not expecting him to say 'please' or 'thank you' because 'he's just so beautiful’

But people aren’t commenting on his ‘looks’ they are commenting on his hair. He could look like Wurzel Gummidge for all we know.

[OneEpisode]

I do think in the Op’s case it is racism. I am white with brown hair and DH has MIL’s colouring, white/light blonde.
DMIL hasn’t commented anymore about the looks of her blonde DGC vs the brunette. Why would she?
Having said that, it’s not good for dc to be constantly praised for their looks.

[Comedycook]

@LeonardLikesThisPost

I've never got it either. The cutest kids and most beautiful adults I've seen are dark. (IMO)

Yes I agree.

[Itseemslike]

Left wing women tend to love light haired light eyed men the most

[Doingtheboxerbeat]

Lol @ the it's because it's so unusual when red hair is rare as f*ck and only women and parents of red heads gush over them, so no it's not that.

[Comedycook]

@Itseemslike

Left wing women tend to love light haired light eyed men the most

Really?! That's a funny observation.

I've never found blonde or fair men attractive. I'm centre right

[SadSongsAndWaltzes]

Surely the fact that angels, princesses, etc. and all depicted as blonde just highlights the fact that its rooted in racism? They're also always white, blue eyed, and young. Young, white women are unfortunately held up as the beauty standard by Western society.

[Comedycook]

@SadSongsAndWaltzes

Surely the fact that angels, princesses, etc. and all depicted as blonde just highlights the fact that its rooted in racism? They're also always white, blue eyed, and young. Young, white women are unfortunately held up as the beauty standard by Western society.

Yes absolutely

[pocpocpoc]

@SadSongsAndWaltzes

Surely the fact that angels, princesses, etc. and all depicted as blonde just highlights the fact that its rooted in racism? They're also always white, blue eyed, and young. Young, white women are unfortunately held up as the beauty standard by Western society.

There.

[Itseemslike]

@Doingtheboxerbeat

Lol @ the it's because it's so unusual when red hair is rare as f*ck and only women and parents of red heads gush over them, so no it's not that.

It seems like the woke squad is full of women that love lighter complexion guys such as blond hair and blue eyes.

[Suspicioussam]

I don't think this is about racism. Yes the fact that princesses etc are usually white skinned is rooted in racism, but we are talking specifically about blonde hair here and I think it's as simple as many people just love the colour gold and it's more unusual then brown hair. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that.

[mewkins]

This is an eye opener to me. I have a dd aged 11 with really long blonde hair and i've not noticed anyone remark on it other than to sometimes say it is really long.

[Itseemslike]

@Comedycook my response above was meant to be for you :)

[Llareggub]

When we were in Turkey my white blond son went for a haircut. The barber swept up his hair and put it in an envelope. That we found a bit odd. We live in a town with lots of tourists and the Chinese in particular used to take photos of both my sons when they were toddlers and to be fair, very cute.

Now they are teens they mostly walk around with their hoods up so I don’t suppose anyone knows they have blond hair now.

[Siepie]

I had blonde hair as a child that turned brown during puberty. When I was about 15 I bumped into one of my primary school teachers, who said it was ‘an awful shame’ that my hair had got darker. Like many teenagers, I was already awkward about my looks and that comment really hurt.

[Comedycook]

@Suspicioussam

I don't think this is about racism. Yes the fact that princesses etc are usually white skinned is rooted in racism, but we are talking specifically about blonde hair here and I think it's as simple as many people just love the colour gold and it's more unusual then brown hair. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that.

That's very naive. It is the very definition of sub conscious bias.

[ahoyshipmates]

I wouldn't worry too much OP, because once these blonde girls hit the world of work, they will come up against the ingrained prejudice that they are a dumb blonde bimbo with no brains whatever, and if they get a promotion, people won't believe it was awarded on merit, if you get my drift.

Yes, I am speaking from personal experience.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

I’ve no idea. I’m a natural, straight blonde as is our daughter. I’ve always wanted dark, curly hair and our daughter has had just about every colour going
My husband had nearly black hair, salt and pepper now and I thought/think it’s gorgeous as is our son’s dark brown.

I’m gradually going silver now and I really like it.
Don’t understand your family’s fixation at all.