People treating you differently when you’re larger- ignorant or offensive?

[Flawedperfection]

I’m very fat at the moment. I used to be slim and was anorexic as a teen briefly. Now I struggle to stop eating and that is why I am the size I am. As a non-smoker, teetotal no-drug taker, I like to cook and eat.
Anyway, I’m interested if other people have this from others. So, the most troubling is men seem to be scared of talking to me, as if I’m going to fancy them and want to go out with them (I really don’t), and I thought maybe my gratitude for them being kind and polite (and not being rude about my weight) translated somehow into apparent desperation in some way? When I talk to men (irl, work etc) they seem fine then look scared and start to back off when the chat grows more animated.
Im thinking of getting a tshirt that says: “Don’t worry, I certainly do NOT fancy you- you’re safe, honest!”
Also, people assume that as a fatty (my mother’s words, not mine) I a.) eat bad stuff all the time (I actually eat healthily, just way too much, b.) I never exercise (also untrue), c.) I should be the life and soul (I’m not, I am depressed with many phobias and issues), and d.) I won’t want to/don’t have the right to dress nicely and/or be into hair/makeup- erm, why wouldn’t I?!
AIBU to think this way of thinking is fucked up? For the record, us larger ladies might like to make an effort with our appearance, might be quieter, may eat healthily and be fit and active. And lastly, we do not necessarily fancy every bloke who talks to us and be “grateful” for their attention!

@Saggybaggyaggy

I was a size 24 and now a 10 and much more attractive physically. It's gross how differently people treat me now. Awful. I am the same person inside.

I find the same. I lost 8 stone and the number of pellets who suddenly respect my opinion and don’t automatically assume I’m thick is staggering.

Men don’t chat/flirt any more or less, but they’re considerably more respectful and polite when they do. They’ve lost the “she’s fat so she’ll be grateful for anything” mentality.

Comparing size is pointless, a size 16 on a 5'2 person and a 5'9 person is vastly different (even not taking into account body shape).
I have been 11st and 17st. I was definitely not as attractive to men at 17st however I don't feel I was generally treated differently. I have always been able to fake confidence even if I don't feel it so maybe that has a lot to do with it!

i'm recruiting at the moments won't be employing anyone who is very overweight as the job is quite physical and i've already had to lose someone from the department due to them not being able to do the basics. theres no reasonable adjustments to be made either
Well as a nearly morbidly obese 50 year old I have just completed a physically demanding 8 hour working day.
I also do 50KM walks for fun. Very glad the people providing me with self employed work could see through my weight.
@gardeninggirl68

To answer the OP I have been pretty lucky with other people's responses to me. The only bad contact seem to be with Medical Professionals. In the last 5 years I have gone up and down in weight from just overweight to morbidly obese. Yes I probably had more compliments at my just overweight phase but not much.

Literally nobody thinks that. If someone thought that for ten seconds, someone like you would come along and make absolutely certain they realised they were a drain on the NHS, and on them personally via taxation

@DGFB
@Demilunary

Yes they do. Obese is not healthy and more often than not it will be a drain on the NHS.

@JellyBabiesFan

Literally nobody thinks that. If someone thought that for ten seconds, someone like you would come along and make absolutely certain they realised they were a drain on the NHS, and on them personally via taxation

@DGFB
@Demilunary

Yes they do. Obese is not healthy and more often than not it will be a drain on the NHS.

So, who do you believe thinks obesity is healthy?

@RincewindsHat

"men seem to be scared of talking to me, as if I’m going to fancy them and want to go out with them"

Yep. This. Anything more than a passing casual comment and a certain type of man seems to get terrified I am trying to make a move on them or something and you get the 'Not trying to be rude or anything but I'm not looking for a girlfriend...' or similar comments. Baffling because I was just being normal and friendly, I have zero romantic interest in you and was in no way flirting.

The flip side of which is being average weight and attractiveness and being unable to have a friendly conversation, or even a comment, without many blokes taking it as an expression of sexual interest and becoming a leery pita.

Women in general are objectified and subjected to stereotyping and prejudice. The further you get from the supposed ideal Instagrammable woman the worse it gets.

Don’t worry OP, Once you hit 45 /50 ish no one will notice you at all. They will be happy to chat but will expect check versa Tim that they fondly imagine is in ‘old dear’ category, abd on MN it will be assumed that all your thinking is of ‘that generation’, probably racist and homophobic and definitely transphobic.

The stereotypes of larger women are depressing.

I was very heavy for 15 years in my 20s and 30s, size 24/26. Went down to a 12 for about 2 years now I've crept up to a 16 and settled there.

I don't identify with anything you've said in your OP about people's behaviour towards me, especially men. If anything I had a lot more romantic attention from men when I was larger (although this could've been because I was younger also)