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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a friend would check with me first before getting rid?

44 replies

Pregnantabroad · 28/07/2021 22:26

I offered a friend a small mattress we didn't need any more because I knew she used them for her business. It cost me £145 and was 2 years old. She came round to my house, looked at it, checked it was in good condition and took it. Fast forward 6 months and I realised I kind of did need it so I asked on the offchance I could have it back (she had to stop running her business during covid). She told me she hadn't needed it so had got rid of it. AIBU to think that a friend might check back with the person who'd given them something before getting rid of it?
(Not long ago a friend gave me a second hand loom kit. I couldn't face it after one try so checked with her that she didn't want it back before I chucked it.)

OP posts:

NiceTwin · 28/07/2021 22:28

Unless you specifically say if they no longer want it can you have it back, it is theirs to do what they want with it.

SnarkyBag · 28/07/2021 22:28

To be honest I think a second hand mattress is the one thing that wouldnt occur to me to check someone might want back

MrsA2015 · 28/07/2021 22:29

I think YABU . it isn’t her fault you needed it after giving it to her. Once it’s hers it’s her business what she does with it. Cost and age of item doesn’t really matter unless it’s something of sentimental value.

Original poster

Pregnantabroad · 28/07/2021 22:30

@SnarkyBag

To be honest I think a second hand mattress is the one thing that wouldnt occur to me to check someone might want back

Yeah, fair enough. But it was in almost perfect condition. We only got rid because the bed situation changed.

OP posts:

HalzTangz · 28/07/2021 22:30

@Pregnantabroad

I offered a friend a small mattress we didn't need any more because I knew she used them for her business. It cost me £145 and was 2 years old. She came round to my house, looked at it, checked it was in good condition and took it. Fast forward 6 months and I realised I kind of did need it so I asked on the offchance I could have it back (she had to stop running her business during covid). She told me she hadn't needed it so had got rid of it. AIBU to think that a friend might check back with the person who'd given them something before getting rid of it? (Not long ago a friend gave me a second hand loom kit. I couldn't face it after one try so checked with her that she didn't want it back before I chucked it.)

Yabu - you gave it away, once you do that the receiver is free to do what they like with the item

LawnFever · 28/07/2021 22:31

Nope yabu, you’d handed it over it was up to her what she did with it.

OatyBarKid · 28/07/2021 22:33

If the mattress has been used for her business, I guess that means many different people have used it, why would you want it back?

HelloDulling · 28/07/2021 22:34

A two year old mattress? Honesty, I would assume you’d been glad to be rid of it.

irregularegular · 28/07/2021 22:35

Personally I'd have checked. In fact I have done recently in similar situation with some pieces of furniture. One friend didn't want anything back. If I sell the stuff I'll offer her the money. She'll probably say no and we'll probably end up giving it to charity. Other friend did want her beds back.

But I wouldn't be all that surprised/outraged if someone didn't check though.

Battleneck · 28/07/2021 22:35

YANBU to hope that she might have checked back with you first before getting rid, but YABU to expect her to unless you'd asked when you gave it to her. And bear in mind she might not have wanted to take it had she been aware that you might want it back. Getting freebies is good, but if they come with conditions then they're not so appealing.

Shelddd · 28/07/2021 22:36

I gave my sister our mattress when we moved abroad, she wanted it for my niece who needed a bigger bed now that was getting older.

She ended up getting rid of it, but she contacted me and asked me if it was okay first. I was actually quite surprised I've given away a lot of things and I've never had anyone even mention it again. I don't think it's a common thing to ask.

Original poster

Pregnantabroad · 28/07/2021 22:44

Ah ha... Just checked back my messages and I said "Do you mind if I borrow it back if I ever need it for a sleepover. Suddenly remembered that we had a vague plan to hang on to it for that reason but it's a rare occasion!" to which, she obviously said yes of course.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pregnantabroad · 28/07/2021 22:46

And then I asked for it back a couple of months later (she said yes again) and then I never got around to picking it up (my bad!). That was back end of last year.

OP posts:

LawnFever · 28/07/2021 22:54

@Pregnantabroad

And then I asked for it back a couple of months later (she said yes again) and then I never got around to picking it up (my bad!). That was back end of last year.

So she’s kept hold of it for an extra 6/7 months and you haven’t collected it, no wonder she didn’t think you really needed it.

Saoirse82 · 28/07/2021 22:55

I wouldn't think to ask if someone wanted something back that they'd given me. I'd assume if you give it away you no longer have use for it. She's maybe forgot the vague conversation about using it for a possible sleepover and if you didn't collect it when you asked for it she might think you didn't need it anymore though in that situation I probably would have asked you before I chucked it if I were her.

jelly79 · 28/07/2021 22:55

Why were you practically planning on sharing a mattress? You either need it or you don't

Notashandyta · 28/07/2021 23:01

You gave away an old mattress.

End of.

Gave, not yours anymore. And the last person I would see ask if they wanted it would be the person who gave away tbh. Seeing as they'd, you know, got rid in the first place.

Truthseeker34 · 28/07/2021 23:02

No I think you are in the wrong here.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 28/07/2021 23:08

YABU
you gave it to her so end of story.

had you lent it to her then of course as soon as she didn't need it she'd have to return it to you.

of course she could've thought to check if you wanted it back - some people would think to ask previous owner (I'm like that). but she didn't and she had no obligation to do so.

Original poster

Pregnantabroad · 28/07/2021 23:12

General opinion that I'm BU. Good job I haven't said anything to her! Thanks all. Think I feel weird because i basically regretted it as soon as I had done it (she was always asking around for mattresses and I didn't think my offer through) and kept bottling asking for it back. Lesson, only offer something that you genuinely want to get rid of.

And to those who were asking.. It was barely used, which is why I offered it to her. And she hasn't used it due to covid, which is why (if she still had it) it would still be in very good condition.

OP posts:

Namechangeforthisquestion7 · 28/07/2021 23:14

Why on earth would you want the mattress back after she has "used it for her business" for 6 months?! My mind is boggling at what sort of business she is in

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 28/07/2021 23:16

Yeah what type of business is she always needing mattresses for?

Grumpasaurus · 28/07/2021 23:16

I am curious what kind of business she runs that requires so many mattresses!!??

Saidtoomuch · 28/07/2021 23:16

From your updates she should have checked with you.

Dontstepinthecowpat · 28/07/2021 23:16

I want to know what type of business requires copious amounts of second hand mattresses…

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