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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a friend would check with me first before getting rid?

44 replies

Pregnantabroad · 28/07/2021 22:26

I offered a friend a small mattress we didn't need any more because I knew she used them for her business. It cost me £145 and was 2 years old. She came round to my house, looked at it, checked it was in good condition and took it. Fast forward 6 months and I realised I kind of did need it so I asked on the offchance I could have it back (she had to stop running her business during covid). She told me she hadn't needed it so had got rid of it. AIBU to think that a friend might check back with the person who'd given them something before getting rid of it?
(Not long ago a friend gave me a second hand loom kit. I couldn't face it after one try so checked with her that she didn't want it back before I chucked it.)

OP posts:

DysmalRadius · 28/07/2021 23:19

Think I feel weird because i basically regretted it as soon as I had done it (she was always asking around for mattresses and I didn't think my offer through) and kept bottling asking for it back.

But when you did ask for it back and she said yes you didn't do anything about it!

And then I asked for it back a couple of months later (she said yes again) and then I never got around to picking it up (my bad!). That was back end of last year.

ThinWomansBrain · 28/07/2021 23:21

once given, a bit unreasonable to expect to be offered it back.
I imagine that it must have been stressful for you friend to come to terms with wrapping up her business - hanging of to bits and pieces, or calling round to offer back stuff that had been gifted, would have added to that stress.

Moomala · 28/07/2021 23:24

A second hand mattress for her business? how strange. Btw Yabu.

22Giraffes · 28/07/2021 23:27

Another one wanting to know what buisness she has....

Alwayswonderedwhy · 28/07/2021 23:29

I wouldn't expect someone to want a used mattress back.

toocold54 · 28/07/2021 23:30

If it was a few days then you wouldn’t be being U but after 6 months I think it’s fine to get rid of it without asking you first.

Nomorepies · 28/07/2021 23:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Tiramiwho · 28/07/2021 23:43

Yep, another one who is only here to find out the nature of your pal's business?

FortunesFave · 28/07/2021 23:46

@Pregnantabroad

Ah ha... Just checked back my messages and I said "Do you mind if I borrow it back if I ever need it for a sleepover. Suddenly remembered that we had a vague plan to hang on to it for that reason but it's a rare occasion!" to which, she obviously said yes of course.

See this sort of thing is just plain weird. Don't give someone something with conditions attached! Just give it! Or don't.

You basically offloaded it because you didn't want to store it but wanted access to it for your own convenience.

That's weird!

canigooutyet · 28/07/2021 23:55

If I'm wanting something back, before I hand it over I make this clear that it's still mine and I am lending it to them. So I will be coming back for it, and when I do ask for it back I don't leave it several months to get off my arse and get it back.

If I give stuff away I couldn't care what happens as it no longer has anything to do with me. I just happy that someone else finds it useful and it's gone from my place.

FortunesFave · 28/07/2021 23:56

@canigooutyet

If I give stuff away I couldn't care what happens as it no longer has anything to do with me. I just happy that someone else finds it useful and it's gone from my place.

This! Lending and giving are different. Also...it's a mattress so I assume she'd use it on a child's bed...why would OP think it's ok to just demand it back for a night due to sleepovers??

That's odd!

OP just buy an air mattress surely?

Summerfun54321 · 29/07/2021 00:16

The thought of someone returning a used mattress is so gross.

TableFlowerss · 29/07/2021 00:17

@Namechangeforthisquestion7

Why on earth would you want the mattress back after she has "used it for her business" for 6 months?! My mind is boggling at what sort of business she is in

🤣 this

Vitallyli · 29/07/2021 00:44

YABU of you give things away no one would think you need the back especially old mattress.

Hathertonhariden · 29/07/2021 01:11

If she needs mattresses that often but you thought you could get yours back on loan she can't be selling them. It seems unlikely that some form of accommodation would get through mattresses that quickly and not be able to fund replacements from a bed supplier. Is she teaching kids the high jump and needs something for them to land on?

yacketyyak · 29/07/2021 01:16

Yabu
Once you gave it to her? It's hers
Also £145 is incredibly cheap for a mattress

SeaShoreGalore · 29/07/2021 01:18

B&B or prostitution?

yacketyyak · 29/07/2021 01:18

This thread is so weird
Why would there be any expectation that you could even ask for it back?

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 29/07/2021 06:12

I will never understand people who give stuff away, give ownership of their stuff to other people and then who are miffed when those people make decisions about the stuff they now own.

Or people who give stuff away with a caveat such as, "I might need it later so it's not really yours to do with as you wish."

Either give it away and forget about it or don't.

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