Brother and I were close growing up. Drifted apart in late teens early twenties. He's now 30. I'm 26.
Mainly because I think I realised what an ar*e he can be.
I feel he can be very entitled & spoilt and expects everyone to do everything for him.
We have a lot of disagreements because of this and to be honest he mostly only ever contacts me to ask for money and it's been that way since I was about 17.
Our mum died last November. I had no help from either of my brothers with paying for or organising my mums funeral. It totally broke me.
Fast forward to the current situation. He is separated from his sons (1yo) mother due to a lot of reasons and their relationship wasn't working. They're amicable and co parent well from what I know. Happily take the baby out together and he spends time their with them both. I'm pretty sure he stays over every now and then too.
Anyway, he's renting a house from a friend. Friend told him she needed the house back as she needed to move in and gave him a month to get something sorted. That month ends on Saturday
He has just messaged asking if he can stay with me for a "few weeks" until he saves enough for a deposit. So he hasn't bothered to try find somewhere else to live.
He's apparently asked his ex to stay in her spare room. She said no because she likes her own space. Fair enough.
I'm reluctant for the following reasons
It won't be a few weeks. It'll be a lot longer because he's a very unmotivated person and and won't be bothered to look because it's convenient to be here.
I have 2 DD's. 4yo & 3mo. I'm breastfeeding the baby so often sat on the sofa for long periods of time while she feeds/sleeps.
We don't have a spare room. Well the baby isn't in the nursery yet but it's a nursery so no space for a bed. So he'd have to stay on the sofa. The living room is used everyday. Where my children play etc so I couldn't imagine what I'd do if it then became a bedroom. I don't want to have to be confined to the upstairs in my own home. He works evenings so doesn't get home till after 1am most nights and then sleeps in late. We are up at 6am.
My husband is a great man and would do anything for anyone so he'd probably say it's okay but really I know he wouldn't be happy with it. And I feel bad because this is his home too and I feel like he is always picking up the pieces for my family. There have been various other situations where he has done a lot to help them out.
My baby currently has bronchiolitis, which I know isn't forever but it's stressful and worrying nonetheless. My DH and I have a great relationship but the tiredness and stress that comes with a new baby and being parents are a problem at the moment. He works long days so we barely see him till the weekend. I just don't want to add another stressful element to our relationship.
If I thought he would be helpful while here it might be different but I doubt it. I can't see him offering to contribute to costs of him being here or helping to tidy up etc.
We grew up in poor area. My mum was a single parent on benefits with her own struggles but she did her best.
I have worked incredibly hard to get to the position I'm in now. We own our home in a nice area, my girls are far from spoilt but they never want for anything which is the opposite to what I had. I think he seems to think I'm the 'privileged' one because of this. So it's up to me to fix all his problems. But really we had the same start in life and I have just made better choices and wanted to get away from that life. His ex said one of the reasons they broke up was because he wanted to be mothered and she wasn't willing to do it.
sorry for the long winded post!
Would you put him up in my situation?