To think my sister is being ridiculous with these comments?

[hp45]

My son is 24, he lives a few hours away with his friend, so we rarely see him especially with covid. He has mental health issues and last year he was very depressed and suicidal and his friend helped him through it.

A couple of months ago, I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us, he said yes but asked if his friend could come and I agreed.

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share. Since then, my sister has been making ridiculous comments to DS, asking him why he wants to share with his friend, and asking why his friend can't go on holiday with his family.

She then said to me that, if she lived with her friend, she wouldn't want to bring them on a family holiday, I told her that it was up to DS. She then said that they're going to ruin the holiday, they're going to be doing their own thing as we will be with our younger children, so I don't see how they're going to ruin it.

Am I Bu in thinking she's being ridiculous? Or would you agree with her?

[StrangeToSee]

Maybe your sister finds it hard to relax around an adult man she doesn’t know at all, who isn’t part of the family? Is he paying his share of the accommodation, bills, food etc?

Is she anxious about her kids being around an unknown male stranger?

Did you ask her before you invited him? Because if not I can see where she’s coming from, it was supposed to be a family holiday and having someone new does change the dynamic.

Sounds like it was originally a holiday for you, her and the younger kids... and by inviting your adult son and his friend the dynamics have changed a lot.

I wouldn’t like it if a relative did this, invited an adult stranger at the last minute. Couldn’t your son and his friend have stayed nearby eg in another lodge/cottage? Then if they want to stay up late watching movies or go out, wake up late there’s no worries about waking the younger children or trying to keep the younger quiet in the early mornings. Maybe your sister wanted to be able to lounge around in her pjs and now you’ve invited 2 young men along she can’t do that?

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Maybe your sister wanted to be able to lounge around in her pjs and now you’ve invited 2 young men along she can’t do that?"

Why not?
Unless her PJs is actually a neglige I don't see why she can't be in PJs around them.

[gah2teenagers]

Your sister is being very harsh, you haven’t seen much of your son over the last year. Ask her how she would feel if it was her child. It’s nice to spend this time together and his friend sounds wonderful whatever their relationship

[HollowTalk]

I'm really glad your son has a good friend who helped him when he was so low. Your sister sounds like she's looking for an argument. Having two lads there is easier in a way as they can go out and do things themselves.

[StrangeToSee]

It was sisters idea for the holiday as she's a single mum, but she said it was fine for DS to come and when I messaged him to ask, he asked if his friend could come and when I asked sister she said it was fine, so no idea why she has a problem, unless she thought his friend was a female I'm not sure!

I think this is the problem. She set up the holiday, chose the accommodation, planned it around her young kids. You then asked to bring your adult DS (and she couldn’t exactly say no since he’s your son and has been depressed recently). Then you wanted to bring his friend who has helped him through his depression: again how can she say no without sounding heartless?

She was probably resigned to having one extra adult, not two adult males tagging along.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Maybe she thinks they’re eating too much even when around? Two young adult males will eat far more than a 5 and 7 yo even if they’re only around part of the time.

[2bazookas]

They're eating food that me and sister have bought,

And we all know young men eat a lot.

I can understand single-mum Sis being a bit annoyed to have a couple of mid-20's men helping themselves to supplies she bought. DS and his friend should be contributing to the the food shopping, the food bill and the cooking .

[Durbeyfield]

Well she sounds fun.

[StrangeToSee]

Why not? Unless her PJs is actually a neglige I don't see why she can't be in PJs around them

Many women wouldn’t feel comfortable in their pjs in front of strangers.

When we have male guests or BIL stays I always feel better showered and dressed, rather than wearing my night clothes downstairs.

I’m guessing she’d planned lots of cosy sisterly chats and having two young men coming in and out does change that.

[billy1966]

@EnjoyingTheSilence

Tell her to wind her neck in. Remind her you checked all was ok before you agreed to it and she was. Tell her the only one threatening to ruin the holiday is her with her constant moaning.

I’m glad your son has had a good friend to help him through everything.

Your sons business is absolutely none of your sisters.
She is very fxxking rude.

I would be furious with her behaviour spoiling the holiday and I sure as hell would tell her it won't happen again if she doesn't cop herself on pronto.

Great that your sons is doing well.

[HerrenaHarridan]

‘If they are then that is fine’

Thanks OP ❤️

Wish more parents had your attitude

[SpindleWhorl]

They're eating food that me and sister have bought

Well that needs sorting out pronto. That's common sense, before you start tackling whether or not your sister has turned into Ms Section 28.

Communicate. Be fair with money and space, as well as values and kindness. (Sorry about the fridge magnet sentiment there.)

[lynxca16]

I have a sister like that:((
Do have a quiet but firm word with her re: the fact she agreed to your son and friend coming on holiday and she is the only one going to spoil the holiday for everyone.
Make the best of the time you have and maybe in future seriously consider booking your own holiday.

[category12]

Sounds like she's determined to moan about something - she was bitching about the kids sharing and now she's bitching about your son sharing.

I would let it wash over you and if she doesn't shut up, go off and do your own thing also.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Many women wouldn’t feel comfortable in their pjs in front of strangers."

And many women go to the supermarket in their PJs. PJs cover as much flesh as clothes do. I don't see the problem. Plus, one of the men is her nephew so he would be there anyway in a family holiday.

[bonfireheart]

She knows her nephew has had mental issues and this is her concern? Lesson learned for you to not to go away with her again.

[NeonDreams]

Hmmm I think I've changed my mind a bit in light of the added on info that it was sister's holiday; sister invited the OP on it thinking it would be just her sister and her own kids. Sort of a girlie getaway. Now, OP invites her adult son, who then invites his mate along.

So, the dynamics of what sister thought was a girl's holiday (that she organised), has changed.

I can understand how sister is feeling put out. I would not be happy about this at all! And yes, having a strange male in the house changes the entire dynamic and as a woman I would feel I'd need my dressing gown over me and not be able to just sit around in my nightie. A woman sitting around in a flimsy/see through nightie around her sister, is completely different to doing so around a man you've never met who is now occupying your home and holiday.

I have changed my opinion, since I was not aware this was sister's holiday that she arranged and she only invited you. It was quite selfish of you OP to invite your son on a holiday you had been invited on and not arranged, but then to invite another male on, even if your sister felt she couldn't say no? Common sense should have kicked in with you somewhere and you should have told your son no friend.

[mumjustmum]

Sounds like the only person at risk of ruining anyone's holiday is your sister.

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

Your sister sounds like hard work and as though she is determined to find fault and bitch about everything. Is she like this at home? I'd ask her outright what her problem is and try to get her to articulate exactly what she objects to and why.

[NeonDreams]

Meaning I now think the OP is being ridiculous (and selfish), and not the sister.

[StoneofDestiny]

I’d leave the sister at home!

[SpindleWhorl]

@NeonDreams

Meaning I now think the OP is being ridiculous (and selfish), and not the sister.

I think I'd be pissed off about the food thing, yeah. Like the end of a long mission creep.

The sister started out thinking she was getting Thelma and Louise, now she's getting On Golden Pond with Henry eating all her breakfast muffins.

[hp45]

I didn't just invite DS, my sister told me to ask DS to see if he wanted to come with us, so I did and then he asked if his friend could come aswell so I asked my sister and she said it’d be fine. If I just told DS no, he probably wouldn't have wanted to come with us and I haven't seen DS for a while due to covid etc.

[iklboo]

OP asked if it was ok for her DS & friend to come along. They didn't just rock up out of the blue. I'd sister didn't want them to come she should have said so at the time she was asked - or at any time since.

You can't say 'she might have felt awkward / put on the spot' because she's not shy about voicing her concerns now they're actually on the holiday.

[JustLyra]

Have you been on holiday with your sister before?