To think my sister is being ridiculous with these comments?

[hp45]

My son is 24, he lives a few hours away with his friend, so we rarely see him especially with covid. He has mental health issues and last year he was very depressed and suicidal and his friend helped him through it.

A couple of months ago, I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us, he said yes but asked if his friend could come and I agreed.

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share. Since then, my sister has been making ridiculous comments to DS, asking him why he wants to share with his friend, and asking why his friend can't go on holiday with his family.

She then said to me that, if she lived with her friend, she wouldn't want to bring them on a family holiday, I told her that it was up to DS. She then said that they're going to ruin the holiday, they're going to be doing their own thing as we will be with our younger children, so I don't see how they're going to ruin it.

Am I Bu in thinking she's being ridiculous? Or would you agree with her?

[SleepingStandingUp]

@grapewine

Could DS babysit one night so you can have dinner just you and sis as a sweetener?

WTF should he do that?

Well he doesn't have to do anything. Sometimes it's nice to do something nice for someone just for the sake of being nice. Like his Mom and Aunt having a quiet dinner out without the kids.

[grapewine]

Sometimes it's nice to do something nice for someone just for the sake of being nice. Like his Mom and Aunt having a quiet dinner out without the kids.

True. But in my view, she's acting really badly about all of this, and if I were the nephew I wouldn't be nice and reward that behaviour.

[LondonJax]

I agree with @grapewine. Firstly because bad behaviour doesn't get rewarded. Secondly, unless DS had agreed before the holiday that he'd be happy to babysit at some point, you have kids and look after them yourself. Which is what would have happened if the DS hadn't been going. He and his friend are just additions, not solutions. She'll have to get over it.

If she has a problem with DS sharing with his friend, ask her if he can share with her or one of her kids. Because that's the only other solution. She'll shut up after that.

[Maggiesfarm]

@Eleoura

With her attitude, why did you invite your sister on your own familys holiday?

That.

Also did you discuss this with your sister before agreeing to your son's friend coming along? I hope you did.

Whatever, your sister is wrong to say tactless things, and ask questions, of the friend. It's unkind to make him feel awkward, it's hardly his fault.

[WeAllHaveWings]

You need to discuss with her what exactly the problems are and how they are "ruining" the holiday.

[AcrossthePond55]

She's waaayyy over the line! I'd tell her to STFU and that I didn't want to hear another word about DS and his friend. It's none of her business what they do and who they may or not be to each other. My own BFF came with us to the beach house every year. We were company for each other and no one ever raised an eyebrow.

By any chance do you think Sis was expecting/hoping that DS would be taking her children off her hands at times 'informally' by entertaining or playing with them? I know I 'played' with my nieces/nephews at times when I was a teen and there was no one about my own age to hang with.

[toolazytothinkofausername]

Your sister sounds crazy. Tell everyone to wear headphones when she starts talking.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Your sister sounds like a PITA, to be honest.
She doesn't like your son's friend, for whatever reason.
If they are in a relationship, then what's it got to do with her anyway? You don't say what sex the friend is - but if he's male, is your sister homophobic?

Is she saying anything in front of your son, with or without his friend hearing, or is she just saying it all to you? Either way, she's going to create an atmosphere and in all honesty she should stop being such a fecking killjoy herself!

[Arsebucket]

If someone had helped my son through all that, I’d be treating him like family and very grateful to him.

This.

He sounds like a very good friend to have helped
your son through such a difficult time.

Your sister would do well to realise that. She sounds like a knob.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

I’d be telling her straight to keep her comments to herself or go home.

I’ve always let mine brings friends on holiday and if one had helped the same as he had I’d be paying for the holiday in full and whatever spending money they needed as a thank you.

[SpindleWhorl]

So this guy, who may or may not be your son's lovely boyfriend but is certainly a lovely friend, and who helped to save him at his lowest ebb, is being made feel unconfortable by your sister? Wowser.

I'm not surprised your son and his friend are doing their own thing.

[Holly60]

I think her comments sound homophobic to be honest. And childish. It’s got nothing to do with her if your DS is in a romantic relationship with this lad or if they are close platonic friends. And why on earth does it matter? Tell her to grow up

[Angrycat2768]

Yes I would ask her outright to explain exactly how they are ruining her holiday. Your son presumably is on holiday with 2 older women and a bunch of little kids. Why should he not bring a friend along who he can hang out with? If they are ruining her holiday, she needs to find somewhere else to stay before she ruins your and your sons holiday.

[NeonDreams]

What is it with people in the UK holidaying with their siblings and extended family? I just don't get it. If you had the normal nuclear family holiday (you and DC) the DC's friend coming wouldn't be an issue. Why is your sister even there? Doesn't she have a family of her own/partner to holiday with? Send her packing, and keep your son and his friend.

[bigbaggyeyes]

Sounds like your ds and his friend are lovely and have offered to share so the other children don't have to. That's very kind of them, they probably also want to as it'll be fun.

Your ds sounds like an idiot

[Bookworm20]

How old are the other children? and do you have any other children with you or are they just your sisters?
You say you split it 50/50, are your adult ds and friend eating food you have both bought, split 50/50 and making it more expensive for both of you?

Seems odd that she knew and then suddenly isn't ok with it. Are they helping out or just sitting around most of the time? or hardly even there?
I think we need more detail.

If she just has the arse for no reason then shes just being awkward for awkward sake.
Or has something happened thats made her start resenting your DS and his friend?

On one hand he is your DS and obviously entitled to be on the family holiday. On the other hand if the other dc are all younger, it does change the dynamic of a holiday quite a bit with 2 other adults there, especially if they are not contributing to the holiday at all.

[Livpool]

Your sister needs to mind her own business and stop moaning

[GrandmaSteglitszch]

Speak to sister privately.
Tell her SHE is the one spoiling the holiday for you and you want to know what exactly is the matter and, in any case, she has to knock it off.

[BoltonDoowar]

Tbh OP I’d be wondering if they are in a relationship.

I lived with friends at that age but would never dream of asking them to come kn family events/holidays. We lived together but had our own separate lives as well.

[AllTheSingleLadiess]

If be rethinking future holidays with my sister.

Personally I'd be like you and be really happy to repay the friend's kindness during my son's hour of need.

[BoltonDoowar]

Not that’s there’s anything wrong with them being in a relationship, but that makes the friend coming on the holiday make more sense.

I get why your sister is confused as to why the friend wants to come.

[Arsebucket]

@BoltonDoowar

Tbh OP I’d be wondering if they are in a relationship.

I lived with friends at that age but would never dream of asking them to come kn family events/holidays. We lived together but had our own separate lives as well.

So what if they are though?

It’s really no one else’s business but theirs.

My 19 year old ds has a friend who he’s been absolute rock to, he has plans to go away with his friend and his family for a weekend, his friend wants him to be there. They are both straight. It’s not that uncommon.

[MrMerlot]

YANBU. Tell her to pipe down.

[YouJustFoldItIn]

grapewine

Totally missed the bit about him being gay. As the OP said 'friend' I assumed it was just that.

[ClawedButler]

I genuinely cannot see why someone would have a problem with this, unless she's one of those mad people who think that you will all be doing absolutely everything together all the time. Some people just cannot grasp that you can go on holiday with a bunch of people and split into different groups to do different things.