Kids behaviour

[Clare1509]

Hi all, I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable in my expectation of my partners kids behaviour? I’m quite a strict parent so don’t know if my expectations are just completely unrealistic. I find the kids (12 & 10) to be quite rude and ungrateful. Some examples of their behaviour is below-

They don’t say thank you when people give them gifts, and will often say ‘I don’t like that’ or make a face to show they don’t like it.

Come int rooms when the door is closed, I was changing once and said if the door is closed please knock before coming in- the response (from the 10yo) was well you don’t knock on my door.

Their table manners are shocking, they will spit food out onto the plate, say how ‘nasty’ food that has been cooked is, chew with their mouths open.

General rudeness to adults, they do not seem to have any sort of respect for anyone and will talk to adults as if they are their peers.

This is only a handful of stuff but I don’t know if my expectations are just unreasonable and this is acceptable?

Maybe it would be for the best for everyone if you and your dp went back to living separately.

when they aren't sure if someone might be in the bathroom or loo?

we have proper locks on these doors, so be aware if you get my own kids around, they probably won't think about knocking because they never do at home, sorry!

At their ages there really is no excuse for appalling manners.
These so called informal standards of children treating adults as though they were their peers seem to have led to a generation of young people many of who had a real attitude problem in the workplace. They lack basic courtesy like showing up on time, greeting their workmates politely, and carrying out reasonable tasks without a show of pique if its not something appealing.
We are currently having exactly this issue with 4 colleagues who are all under 23 year old. This is not a generalisation of all young people but a perfect example of how these 4 behave.

@pleasedonttextmyman

when they aren't sure if someone might be in the bathroom or loo?

we have proper locks on these doors, so be aware if you get my own kids around, they probably won't think about knocking because they never do at home, sorry!

Some families on here don't have locks. We do but not a universal thing

@gogohm

Table manners fair enough, pleases and thank yous especially around gifts fair point but the knocking thing is a case of it goes both ways - if you don't knock on theirs, then fair enough they don't knock on yours. My kids have never knocked on my door, I don't knock on theirs either (grown up now, still no knocking but we respect each other's space if not alone!

Do you call their name before entering their room then ? Do you knock at other places like before you enter the GP's office ?

Some families on here don't have locks. We do but not a universal thing

I get that, and adults get that, but it might not register just yet with a 10 year old who doesn't have to knock at home, that's all.

(on another note, I hate people who have visitors toilets without lock!)

@pleasedonttextmyman

Some families on here don't have locks. We do but not a universal thing

I get that, and adults get that, but it might not register just yet with a 10 year old who doesn't have to knock at home, that's all.

(on another note, I hate people who have visitors toilets without lock!)

I'd hate that too. I'd be watching the door for signs or handle movement so l I can leap into action

I'm actually flabbergasted that you don't knock on their doors when they're closed! Yet you expect them to extend you that courtesy? That's the first thing that needs to change.

But, yes, they sound incredibly rude. Keep enforcing your boundaries and modelling the behavior that you wish to see from them. It's OK to have different expectations in your house and their mother's house and they will be able to adjust. It's also important that your husband is on board too and backs you up. If he won't then I'm afraid you've got bigger issues.

@gogohm

Table manners fair enough, pleases and thank yous especially around gifts fair point but the knocking thing is a case of it goes both ways - if you don't knock on theirs, then fair enough they don't knock on yours. My kids have never knocked on my door, I don't knock on theirs either (grown up now, still no knocking but we respect each other's space if not alone!

Really? If a door is closed you don't knock on it before opening it? I couldn't live in a house like that! We only close our doors when we need privacy or peace and quiet though. So for example, if nobody is using a bathroom the door will be open. If it's closed it's safe to assume someone is in there. And my kids only close their doors if they are sleeping, changing, or need privacy at that time.

What is their fathers manners like? Does he thank you when you cook or for gifts? Do they see good manners around them and get pulled up (by your partner) when they don’t use good manners or are they just expected to know?

They’re right on the door knocking. Either doors need to be knocked or they don’t.