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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid breach of travel quarantine when mum has cancer

44 replies

Sarnie890 · 27/07/2021 08:04

Am I overreacting? My brother has just traveled from abroad to the UK and should be self isolating with his wife and two children. However, they’ve gone straight from the plane to visit my mum who has cancer and is currently on chemo. They are staying elsewhere with friends. So they are not self isolating with my mum.
I feel so angry they are putting her at risk, let alone the wider possibility of spreading new variants, which is one of the reasons I would think the quarantine rules are in place.
Then on top of this, my parents are due to have a big party in a few days time. Which my brother and family will also be at while they should still be self isolating.
I’m just feeling like I don’t want to be a part of this and don’t feel comfortable to go to the party. AIBU?

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/07/2021 08:08

If your parents are hosting a party then they can’t be worried about covid as any of the guests could have it and come.
If your brother has broken the rules then I wouldn’t be happy and wouldn’t be seeing him on the visit and would be looking seriously at my relationship with him going forward.

TheGenealogist · 27/07/2021 08:09

The risk is to your Mum. Your mum is obviously comfortable with them visiting. Your mum is equally comfortable with having a party.

You deciding not to go to the party as you don't want "to be part of this" is petty and childish.

mygood · 27/07/2021 08:12

It's up to your mum not you. Your brother likely is double vaccinated and had to test prior to flying. Perhaps its been a long time since he saw your mum and she just wanted him there no matter about isolating.

Why would you not be comfortable going to the party? Do you not think that is going to cause tension for your Mum? Why would you want to do that?

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2021 08:15

I mean "big party" Vs family who probably covid tested 🤔 I'm sure it will be fine, where did they from ?

mygood · 27/07/2021 08:16

what country did your brother come from? the rules regarding isolating has changed a few times

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2021 08:17

Flyy from * go or don't go to the party its up to you

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 27/07/2021 08:18

Has he tested? Is your mum double jabbed?

nether · 27/07/2021 08:20

I can see why you're angry, and I think bad choices have been made here.

Being on active chemo makes you extremely vulnerable to covid, and can mess with your immune system enough to make the jabs much less effective.

But your DMum knows this and has chosen to see your DBro anyhow, this is her choice to make

The family party seems unwise as well, and it's a pity that it domes so close after their arrival

Mintjulia · 27/07/2021 08:21

If you aren't comfortable with your brother's actions email him and copy in your parents saying you won't be attending because of his actions. Make your reasons clear.

Original poster
Sarnie890 · 27/07/2021 08:24

Yes you’re right it is up to my mum. I guess I’m just being selfish really as I want to try and protect her so she can hopefully stay alive for a few more years and my young children will have some memories of her. But maybe she just needs to live her life. Yes they haven’t seen her for a long time. But could they have waited a few more days?
The reason I’m reluctant to go to the party is that I also don’t really want to mix with others who have just traveled. The children aren’t vaccinated. The adults are. I just assumed these quarantine rules are there for a reason.

OP posts:
Possomcandle · 27/07/2021 08:24

Your brother is in the wrrong, but some of the quarantine rules around travel are ridiculous now.
Most countries are accepting proof of vaccination from other countries but not the UK simply because they haven't put a system in place.
If he is travelling from a country with much lower Covid rates and has been double jabbed then he poses a much lower risk than others who are not jabbed but live in the UK.
So HIBU to break the law. But the laws do need to keep up with the real-time situation.

Clymene · 27/07/2021 08:25

Where have they been?

Original poster
Sarnie890 · 27/07/2021 08:27

They have travelled from Canada

OP posts:
FreeBritnee · 27/07/2021 08:30

@Sarnie890

Yes you’re right it is up to my mum. I guess I’m just being selfish really as I want to try and protect her so she can hopefully stay alive for a few more years and my young children will have some memories of her. But maybe she just needs to live her life. Yes they haven’t seen her for a long time. But could they have waited a few more days? The reason I’m reluctant to go to the party is that I also don’t really want to mix with others who have just traveled. The children aren’t vaccinated. The adults are. I just assumed these quarantine rules are there for a reason.
You’re being passive aggressive about something that doesn’t involve you. Of course you’d like your mum to stay alive for as long as possible!!! Equally she has the right to see her son and assuming theyve risk assessed the situation it really is up to them.
Toomuchspinning · 27/07/2021 08:31

@Sarnie890

I just assumed these quarantine rules are there for a reason.

Well, you know what they say about assumption.

Ask them to lateral flow test if you’re worried. I personally think you’re being U.

Sally872 · 27/07/2021 08:31

It is your mums choice, and if I hadn't seem my child for a while and I was ill and unsure when next visit would be I may be flexible on quarantine rules.

Is Canada on Amber list? If so only PCR on day 2 is my understanding so no quarantine unless positive. (If fully vaccinated or a child)

Whatafustercluck · 27/07/2021 08:33

I agree your brother sounds irresponsible for not quarantining. But your mum is OK with it. She has cancer and will have her family and friends around her for the party. I don't know what her prognosis is like, but she may well not forgive you if you dig your heels in over this. It's probably something for her to really look forward to at a very difficult time.

notimagain · 27/07/2021 08:35

Is Canada on Amber list? If so only PCR on day 2 is my understanding so no quarantine unless positive. (If fully vaccinated or a child)

It’s on the Amber list.

AFAIK that means unless you have been vaccinated in the NHS system, so to speak, on arrival it’s still the full blown 10 days self isolation, test on days 2 and 8, option of test on day 5 and hopefully release shortly thereafter.

www.gov.uk/guidance/red-amber-and-green-list-rules-for-entering-england#amber-list-rules-if-you-are-not-fully-uk-vaccinated

DGFB · 27/07/2021 08:35

It’s your mum’s decision, she wants to see her son and knows the risks.
I would go to the party and be with your family. The children aren’t vaccinated but they aren’t in the UK, you and your kids are likely to pick up a Covid anywhere

nether · 27/07/2021 08:36

Well, you could report them for beaching the arrival rules from an amber list country.

The big party in 'a few days' may well be after a day 5 test and release.

It's wrong they went out and about before that, when they should have been in quarantine

Xiaoxiong · 27/07/2021 08:36

To be honest you're more likely to have asymptomatic covid than he has, if he and his family have just had multiple negative PCR tests before flying, on day 2, etc.

I would go to the party. Your mum is ill and probably wants to live her life with her family around her. Quarantine rules are about to change anyway.

DGFB · 27/07/2021 08:36

Ps they are changing the rules on Brits vaccinated abroad so in a few weeks time your brother would have done nothing wrong

Orchidflower1 · 27/07/2021 08:39

that doesn’t involve you

Of course it involves @Sarnie890

Yes it’s her mums choice. But yes it’s selfish of her brother who appears to have jetted in to fanfare from the parents.

It would annoy me too op I assume that heaven forbid your parents were ill or needed support it would be you doing running around not your brother who will have swanned off again!

mygood · 27/07/2021 08:43

so she can hopefully stay alive for a few more years and my young children will have some memories of her. But maybe she just needs to live her life. Yes they haven’t seen her for a long time.

your brother probably has similar thoughts and wants to spend time with his mum, and to let his children spend time with her so they have some memories of her, it must be very hard for him and your mum with him living so far away.
Yes your mum needs to live her life, and by having her son visit and having a big party she has certainly decided to live her life. I think she deserves you to be mindful of that and not cause any tension.

notimagain · 27/07/2021 08:44

@DGFB

Ps they are changing the rules on Brits vaccinated abroad so in a few weeks time your brother would have done nothing wrong
FWIW yesterday’s headlines were slightly misleading.

ATM “ They” are only talking about changing the rules to allow Brits fully vaccinated abroad to arrive in the UK transfer their vaccination status across onto the NHS system - that basically means being resident In the UK, and/or being here long enough to register with a GP.

There’s no actual promise yet of when or even if non residents vaccination status will recognized on arrival in the UK.