Covid breach of travel quarantine when mum has cancer

[Sarnie890]

Am I overreacting? My brother has just traveled from abroad to the UK and should be self isolating with his wife and two children. However, they’ve gone straight from the plane to visit my mum who has cancer and is currently on chemo. They are staying elsewhere with friends. So they are not self isolating with my mum.
I feel so angry they are putting her at risk, let alone the wider possibility of spreading new variants, which is one of the reasons I would think the quarantine rules are in place.
Then on top of this, my parents are due to have a big party in a few days time. Which my brother and family will also be at while they should still be self isolating.
I’m just feeling like I don’t want to be a part of this and don’t feel comfortable to go to the party. AIBU?

YANBU but it’s your mum’s risk to take.
Not something I would do in those circumstances. Not something I would want me sibling to do. Not something I would want my mum to do either.
You have very few options here. Agree with others that attending the party brings a covid risk to your family with or without your brother’s attendance.

@Orchidflower1

that doesn’t involve you

Of course it involves @Sarnie890

Yes it’s her mums choice. But yes it’s selfish of her brother who appears to have jetted in to fanfare from the parents.

It would annoy me too op I assume that heaven forbid your parents were ill or needed support it would be you doing running around not your brother who will have swanned off again!

“Swanned off”

Projection much? You have absolutely no idea why the brother lives abroad. You also have no idea if the OP has actually been looking after her mum…

Brazenly going to a party and mixing with loads of other people is to me a much bigger concern than popping in to see just your mum before entering 10 days of quarantine. He and his family should be respecting the rules and isolating. Why do they feel so entitled to break the rules when so many other people have stuck to them?

@Hadjab no projection - just felt there was an inference of something behind the scenes in the tone of op and her responses.

@TubeOfSmarties

Brazenly going to a party and mixing with loads of other people is to me a much bigger concern than popping in to see just your mum before entering 10 days of quarantine. He and his family should be respecting the rules and isolating. Why do they feel so entitled to break the rules when so many other people have stuck to them?

Fair point…unless we’re missing some detail of the exact timings (e.g. is the hope test and release will make going to the party legit) it does seem like a coach and horses is being driven through several aspects of the self isolation protocol.

Anecdotally from friends who have recently returned to the UK after travel, they're all being checked up on.

Not only daily phone calls to check they are isolating, but early morning visits.

You might find your DB is caught out

Ultimately your Mother’s decision to make. She may have cancer but she’s still a fully grown adult capable of making decisions for herself. She clearly chose to let your brother break the rules so if she isn’t bothered, I’m not sure why you’re making a big deal of it.

Not to defend the brother, but why are people so angry with him for ‘breaking the rules’? He is double jabbed - why is a vaccine given in another country less valid than the same vaccine given on the NHS? Why can double jabbed by the NHS Brits go on holiday to amber list countries, go out clubbing every night and not have to quarantine when they go home? A double jabbed Brit living in Spain and vaccinated there, for example, would have to quarantine if they go back for a visit. The ‘rules’ make no sense at all.

Really really surprised at the replies you’ve had. Of course he should be following the rules and self isolating as required. Your mum might not mind but it’s not all about her.

Contrast this with threads where people’s children were told to isolate because a whole year bubble has burst - and dc had no contact with the + testing child. Those people were all told to isolate to the letter as they were very selfish to even contemplate not.

You’re brother’s behaviours is miles worse!

Think about the real risks here.. he has traveled from a country with much lower rates than here (less than a thousand compared to 40,000), he is fully vaccinated, presumably he has not seen your mother much recently and will likely be a while before he can come over again. He has tested negative to leave Canada and will have tested again when he arrived.

UK residents are the risky ones here... not the Canadian residents.

Maybe this will be your brothers last chance to see his Mum if she has cancer. Canada is very far away. It’s not like he can just pop over.
All those on the plane will be vaccinated and/or tested negative. So his actual risk of having Covid is very low.
Probably lower than the general public.
I hope all had a good time at the Party.

Have you visited your mother without having isolated for 10 days before hand? Would you have gone to the party if it had only been for friends and family living in the UK?

@Loooper

Not to defend the brother, but why are people so angry with him for ‘breaking the rules’? He is double jabbed - why is a vaccine given in another country less valid than the same vaccine given on the NHS? Why can double jabbed by the NHS Brits go on holiday to amber list countries, go out clubbing every night and not have to quarantine when they go home? A double jabbed Brit living in Spain and vaccinated there, for example, would have to quarantine if they go back for a visit. The ‘rules’ make no sense at all.

Since I’m one of those possible appear angry at the brother I’ll mention a double jabbed Brit living in overseas screwed by these same rules so I understand where you are coming from, and you are right, they make no sense…it’s stuffing up any plans I have to visit the UK to catch up with relatives in the UK this summer.

However the last thing people like us need ATM is somebody brazenly flouting the regs … it plays right into the hands of those who basically think anybody from abroad can’t be trusted not to bring the virus with them and potentially delays the day the stupid rules get changed to something more sensible.

Your brother will probably be the lowest risk person at the party. He'll have had a pre-departure test, a day 2 test and presumably he's vaccinated. I expect your mum had decided she would rather see her family, than hide from some hypothetical risk, and that's her choice to make.

This just shows how divided people’s opinions are on things like this. They won’t have had their day 5 private Covid test before the party so still meant to be quarantining. Some people at the party probably won’t mind this but others might. The people who might mind won’t necessarily know that the family are still meant to be quarantining. But the fact that I know makes me feel uncomfortable. As though it’s a secret I’m expected to keep. The adults are vaccinated but their children who have travelled over from Canada aren’t. They are secondary school age. I feel like I should go to the party as there may not be many times like this we can all be together. It’s just a shame I feel in this situation. My husband has really followed all the rules and feels very strongly about it, we have just delayed our trip to see my parents due to him being track and traced. When we do see my mum we minimise contact with people for the 10 days leading up to us travelling. It’s not just covid she’s vulnerable to but she’s always told us if our kids even have a cold then she can’t see us. And I’m happy with that. I wish I didn’t think things through so much but the way I see it, any little thing I can do which is within reason is worth it. For example, they’re over here now for quite a long time. Self isolating for 5 days before getting their private Covid test wouldn’t be a huge part out of their trip. It’s hard and not ideal but a lot of what people have had to do throughout the pandemic has been hard. There seems to be a huge divide between those who think about others and the effect it could have if they spread covid and those who make their decisions based on what they want to do to please themselves. Massively simplifying it there of course.

My logic is if they had an NHS vaccine they wouldn't have to isolate just pcr on day 2. I expect Canada vaccines to be as good as ours (possibly even same brand) so I would be ok with seeing them a little early. Too much precious time has been lost. I am generally cautious and follow the rules. I just really empathise with an ill person being cut off from close family for a long time.

Seeing your brother after a long time is not the same as asking you to postpone a few days for a cold. I wouldn't compare that.

Your brother and his family are really low risk compared to everyone else who will be at this party. No offence but she’s more likely to catch it from someone else at the party or just by going to the shops. Your brother and family are coming from a country with way less cases of covid and will have been tested before being allowed to fly and on day 2 when they arrive. I don’t see the big deal that they haven’t had their day 5 test yet, but you could ask them to do a LF test. I’m currently away and all we have to do is a test before we fly back and a day 2 test.

If they are secondary age why haven't they been vaccinated? Canada is vaccinating those 12 and over.

Also, every know that has travelled recently has been checked up on in person. He might get caught out.