To not know how to make summer holidays fun with 4yo and 5mo?

[Draineddraineddrained]

This is just horrible. Thought we'd have do much fun together but no-one is getting what they need. 5 month old never gets a proper nap or a proper feed because I have no time between that, pumping, nappy changing and feeding and entertaining the 4yo. Can't go out easily as 5 month old hates sleep right now and will only nap in 45 minute bursts in dark room (plus there's nothing they both enjoy, if I play with 4yo nsnu screams in pram, if I play with 5mo 4yo is bored and plays up). Baby won't go down for dad any more so every night it's my turn to do 4yo I have to do them both - it's so so stressful as no idea when baby will finally settle, worried 4yo will be up too late and she's always up at 7 regardless so if up late will be cranky all day long. I'm just so tired and ratty and wrung out and not enough for anyone. It's so shit for my babies 😭

Also, might you consider some early weaning for the 5 mo? IF she might sit propped up with a breadstick for distraction could that buy you some time with the big one. If she’d manage a bit of banana or whatever it might reduce the pressure on the BF. Our kids all come out different to ensure we never really know what we’re doing. Good luck.

@Draineddraineddrained I’m so sorry - the last thing I meant to do was upset I you.

I was trying to make a helpful suggestion - it doesn’t work well with ff admittedly because ff takes two hands! Also to underline that my ex was a bit shit and would relax downstairs leaving me to it - unless I came and shoved the baby at him.

I’m sure it didn’t always work for me either - in fact the final straw of our marriage was me trying to get my then 7 yo to sleep in good time for school the next day, whilst also trying to settle a wired nearly 2 year old, after a long day at work. All the time my ex stood happily eating a yoghurt in slow motion in the kitchen…

And I also remember getting ready for our picnics saying to myself “this is sooooo hard”. But I think my point is that that I look back on that time fondly now!

Mum guilt is a killer.

I would say do what you want for 4 year old in day, even if it means you holding crying baby in the park. Think of activities you can sit back with baby while child plays - soft play/parks/beach - get out the buckets and spade, ball, give them a treasure hunt, picnics, bubbles anything that's fun but low effort for you. One activity a day for four year old and otherwise rest as much as you can at home - tv/films/arts and crafts. I used to tell myself if my eldest has done one nice activity - cheap or short in duration it doesn't matter (doing a puzzle together, going to the park) and had read a book with me, they're clean, fed and loved then that will do! You are mum not an entertainer.

I remember bed times and doing both too - it will get easier that's all I can say!

My town doesn't allow 4 year olds in clubs so it was a long wait till youngest 5th birthday and then I could pack them both off to have fun!

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing not your fault at all! Just my mad kids 😆 I love them dearly but goodness they want a lot. I think I need to get better at pushing back on 4yo. Other half is much less indulgent and so gets a lot less of the constant demands for attention/interaction/physical contact all day long! I think my parenting style is perfect for little babies, but I never evolved it as she grew up so now she has very high expectations for input and isn't great at doing for herself - with me anyway! Whereas DP was very impatient and hands off with her as a baby but is thriving as a parent now. It's on me to learn and change what I do so it works better for all of us!

Today we've watched a film, spent about 10 mins baking cupcakes while baby grizzled over some ape slices in her high chair, now big girl is watching TV again while I put baby down for a nap - it's been v low effort and actually the nicest day we've had so far! 😆 There's a lesson in that for a thinking person...

[quote Draineddraineddrained]@Dogvmarmot

why dont you just bf whenever baby needs and ditch the pumping. pumping sees like a major effort

It is a major effort 😆 but 9 times out of ten unless I'm lying down on the bed with her in a dark room, she won't bf whether she needs to or not. Arches away and screams. She's been like it since birth, getting her to feed from the boob at all has been a bit of a triumph. But not practical when I've got the other one too! I did feed the older one exclusively from the boob for 2.5 years so I know the tricks - but this one just is not at all fussed about eating! Will happily let herself starve if I don't play it her way. Pain in the bum but there it is![/quote]
you poor thing. mine would feed anytime anywhere - I was v v lucky. Well if its any consolation my youngest was a complete nightmare and regularly screamed every couple hours for BF for 6 months when I did a day of that Gina Ford nanny schedule and it worked! still a demanding baby - but the good news is he is an absolutely delightful young man and was a wonderfully easy child into teens etc. Maybe a bracelet that says 'this will pass'...