Kids need to be bored

[onelittlefrog]

My cousin has been moaning on social media about the 6 week holidays and what she is going to do with her children the whole time.

My mum has interjected and said "Just leave them to it. Kids need to experience boredom. Tell them to go and read a book or make their own fun, that's what I always used to do".

Now this sounds fair enough on the surface... except when I was a kid I remember being so bored in the holidays because she would rarely do anything at all with us kids. I have very few memories of even playing games or going out for a walk with my mum because she usually told me to go off and entertain myself.

Generally I did fine with this and was quite a self sufficient kid. I played out, read, and had friends... but I would also have loved my mum to do more stuff with me as a kid! Some of my siblings used to get incredibly bored and really struggle.

So, is this an excuse for lazy parenting? Or is she right that kids should just be left to their own devices?

There's a balance to strike.

Well it's not one or the other is it?

Kids need a mix of the two.

Agree it's about balance.

Balance but def agree with the need for some boredom. It sparks creativity!

I think it’s fine for kids to not have something to do al day every day, it forces them to be imaginative BUT there’s a balance and from what you’ve written, perhaps your mum didn’t get it quite right (or perhaps she was really busy etc etc, because I can relate to that!)

Yes I agree. I guess it has just annoyed me that she said that as if she knows all the answers... when actually it wasn't that great an experience as her child when she did nothing with us! Lol

Parents are not a children's entertainer children need to learn to entertain themselves as long as they have the tools to do this (appropriate books toys lego etc) they will be fine

A balance to be had.

It's a balance, isn't it? Some time doing stuff with your parents, some time with your peers, some time on your own.

Different for different children too. My eldest thrives on the space that the holidays give her to do her own thing. She comes for a chat and hug but likes to potter.

Youngest is much more bothered about spending time with people. Granted it can't be all the time but he does thrive on a bit of time in the day with me - eg for story at night, to play ball together or a card game. He's 10 and she's 12.

Definitely agree with ‘it’s a balance’

Too much either way can be detrimental.

I have given up taking my teen kids out other than to a local cafe. This is because they moaned when I used to take them out for the day on the train or even to something more local. Sports camps were always looked down upon.
They are ok chauffered door to door but seemed to descend into mulish obstinacy the moment anything was slightly more demanding.
So yes they will probably end up saying I took them nowhere. 🤷

It depends on the child too. My dad played with me up to a certain age (around 7?) ,mum never did. But I never needed her to. I was either out all day with my friends or happily playing by myself,reading a book etc. Never needed much entertaining.

Did you ask her to do stuff with you? Did she know you were unhappy,lonely, wanting to spend more time with her?

I did barely anything in the summer except played outside with friends and read. I loved it. It was great

Hours skipping, reading, roller skating, on my bike etc.

My DH is of the ‘occupy the kids’ camp and it drives me insane because there’s too much pressure.

Kids define need to be bored. They also need time sometimes to make their own amusement and I don’t agree parents constantly entertaining their children
But as above a balance us good - some days they should entertain themselves others have things arranged and go out together or something

All about balance. Half a day doing 'something' and the rest relaxed. Or a busy day or 2 followed by a relaxed day or 2. Kids need time to be bored but they also get into mischief if left to be bored for too long!

I do think it's finding the balance. It's not ideal having things planned for every minute and kids do need to realise that parents don't always have a) money to entertain them day and night and b) time to dedicate to endlessly entertaining a child as work etc gets in the way. Boredom lets kids use imagination.

It's also not ideal going the other way and never spending time with them either.

@Merryoldgoat

I did barely anything in the summer except played outside with friends and read. I loved it. It was great

Hours skipping, reading, roller skating, on my bike etc.

My DH is of the ‘occupy the kids’ camp and it drives me insane because there’s too much pressure.

This sounds like my summer holidays! Was rarely indoors. Loved being out walking/on my bike/skates etc.

There's a balance, as others have wisely said.

You said you never got to do anything OP and I bet if, amongst days of being left to entertain yourself, you'd had a day out somewhere and done fine things, you'd really remember it. Equally I bet that if you'd done exciting things every day it would just feel normal and they wouldn't stand out.

Definitely about balance. I enjoy the summer holidays as I am a teacher so it's lovely to be able to have some real quality time with DS.

I do a lot with him in the holidays - not necessarily anything expensive- might be a walk, playing a board game, simple baking etc. but I do aim to do something with him every day. He does also have periods of amusing himself which he is happy to do.

We are away at the moment and went out to a museum this morning. Then came back to our cottage for lunch and to chill for the afternoon-he has happily played with his minecraft figures for ages!

I wouldn't want to do nothing at all with him.

It's also about developing self motivation.

A child that is constantly entertaned may never learn the process of being bored, looking around for something to do and then getting to do the activities/ tasks.

This can vary from reading to building something with bricks or seeking out friends and meet up in the park to play football (& and do loads of other mischief!).

@tigger1001

I lived in a close and we could spend literally all day skipping. Start of the holidays everyone’s mum would get a length of washing line we could use as rope and that was us golden.

We used to drag our bikes up to the top of a hill and the cycle down as fast as we could and skid to a stop on our sides.

Depends on your circumstances doesn't it. I have to work, thankfully still from home, but that means my kid's got to spend time each day amusing himself. I'll take some leave but I can't take six weeks off.

There is no other parent to help so.. what can you do? I can't afford daily holiday camp.

Boredom encourages their creativity and imagination. It's very unlikely that a child with toys and a parent around will be truly bored. Unless they're sat in a dark, empty room by themselves, they'll be fine.

Like everyone has said, it's about balance.

Kids need to learn to be bored, though. Having 24/7 entertainment is no good for anyone. I find saying "if you're bored, you can help me with the housework" to be a very helpful way of getting them to find something to do