Kids need to be bored

[onelittlefrog]

My cousin has been moaning on social media about the 6 week holidays and what she is going to do with her children the whole time.

My mum has interjected and said "Just leave them to it. Kids need to experience boredom. Tell them to go and read a book or make their own fun, that's what I always used to do".

Now this sounds fair enough on the surface... except when I was a kid I remember being so bored in the holidays because she would rarely do anything at all with us kids. I have very few memories of even playing games or going out for a walk with my mum because she usually told me to go off and entertain myself.

Generally I did fine with this and was quite a self sufficient kid. I played out, read, and had friends... but I would also have loved my mum to do more stuff with me as a kid! Some of my siblings used to get incredibly bored and really struggle.

So, is this an excuse for lazy parenting? Or is she right that kids should just be left to their own devices?

My mum was lazy parent. Unless it was a movie with ice cream, or a cinema trip, she never did anything with me or took me anywhere. i used to feel so sad that my friends we're off out doing these really cool days out and I did nothing. It's ok for kids to sometimes be bored, but all the time is ridiculous and lazy parenting

@Fernando072020

My mum was lazy parent. Unless it was a movie with ice cream, or a cinema trip, she never did anything with me or took me anywhere. i used to feel so sad that my friends we're off out doing these really cool days out and I did nothing. It's ok for kids to sometimes be bored, but all the time is ridiculous and lazy parenting

Your poor mum. She took you to the cinema and bought you ice cream yet you wanted a cool mum doing cool things.

100% balance. Some stuff with us (caravan in Wales, some day trips, some swimming, games in the garden etc). Some times help them with sort out meeting friends etc and sometimes nothing. No screens, no phones just need to sort themselves out.

@Fernando072020

My mum was lazy parent. Unless it was a movie with ice cream, or a cinema trip, she never did anything with me or took me anywhere. i used to feel so sad that my friends we're off out doing these really cool days out and I did nothing. It's ok for kids to sometimes be bored, but all the time is ridiculous and lazy parenting

Cool days out like what? Did you ever tell her? Did you ask her?

I agree with balance. I'm at home with the DCs all holiday. DS2 needs more social input than DS1 so he gets some sports club days. We'll have a family holiday and I'll do some bigger days out, but I'll do a mix of smaller outings (like parks, swimming) and mix up the timings so there's not too much rushing or huge blocks of time at home (especially as DS1 has ASD and gets overwhelmed.

They do need tech to be switched off and remotes hidden and that's when the play happens. They love basic items like boxes and sticks.

Last year was too much boredom though. By the time we got to 2-3 months of playgrounds being banned and no external social input, they seemed to forget how to play, and DS2's behaviour was depressed (lethargic, angry, rude) and they lost interest in everthing except screens and seemed to lose creativity. It came back a bit in September and dwindled in the winter, but is really back since life became more stimulating in April and DS2 finally made some new friends.

I agree with all the PPs saying there needs to be balance.
My mum looked down on other parents who "farmed out" or "dumped" their children in childcare but in fact she had to work (mainly from home) and in the holidays we had to stay upstairs in our rooms and keep very quiet. When she went on call outs we went with her and had to stay in the car. We were expected to read or play very quietly. I loved reading but all day every day is a bit much! The holidays really dragged and we were desperate to go back to school. We weren't allowed to watch TV in the daytime either because that was "common". We weren't allowed to play out in the street because that was "common". The irony of my mum's views on childcare is that we would have LOVED to go to holiday club.

We occasionally had friends to play (maybe once each holiday) or went on a day out (usually once in the summer holiday). Being taken to the cinema or the park was really rare, I mean less than once a year, because mum found kids' stuff tedious.

I don't think kids should be taken out for treat days all the time as then they get taken for granted and there is nothing special left to do plus it can be very expensive. But they do benefit from getting out of the house. I do take mine out regularly to the park and for a run around in the woods and even if I've got something else to be getting on with I will set aside half an hour or so to do a jigsaw, build a marble run or play Connect 4 etc. They've just got really into card games and Blackjack is a current favourite. Often if I start them off with something they will then stick with it for quite a while without nagging for screens.

I don't always feel I have it entirely right and they probably do have too much screen time overall but they seem much happier than me as a child!

When my boys are bored they wreak havoc 🤦 so that phrase is b.s. And when we were kids you were always out playing and in each others houses. Times are different now, and even though I live in a village, I don't know/trust everyone and I certainly wouldn't let my 2 wander about the streets alone at their age. It's certainly a different era. So I think it's needs to be a balance, it's not easy though - I'm already into week 3 of a very long almost 9 week summer holiday with the kids, due to a 2 week isolation right before they broke up. Running out of steam already 😬

I do think being bored is important. Knowing how to exist without endless stimulation is an essential skill. Much of adult life isn't that bloody thrilling; if we raise a generation unable to tolerate bored we are doing them a huge disservice

Agree with others it's about having a balance. It's great if they can do lots of fun activities but they also need to learn to create their own fun and play by themselves.

I do think being bored is important. Knowing how to exist without endless stimulation is an essential skill.

And having time to think and reflect and 'stand and stare'.