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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which one of us is being in reasonable?

74 replies

Pompoms1 · 26/07/2021 16:37

I have name changed as this is very outing for me and some of my friends also use MN.

My brother and I both see the same physio. (She lives around 45 mins drive away.)

He wants to see her but doesn’t drive so needs me to be his taxi.

I’ve said that we need to try and book a double appointment so I can sit in the car while he has his and then he can while I have mine.

Otherwise I’m having to do a 90 min drive there and back twice.

He says I am being incredibly selfish by not taking him as soon as she has a slot for him (you have to wait longer for a double) but I am having an issue that impacts driving that I am seeing her for and would rather not do the journey twice so close together.

If it makes any difference, he’s the golden child in the family (We’re both in our 30s and moved out years ago but he still lives in his friend is a very much still a ‘lad’ where a so settled down etc. As the golden child he can do no wrong in the eyes of anyone in the family. I am known as the selfish older sister who doesn’t consider his feelings or needs. Hmm

YABU - take your brother as soon as he gets an appointment

YANBU - your brother should wait for a double so you don’t Injure yourself doing the drive twice

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 26/07/2021 17:37

Your mum and dad can take him.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 26/07/2021 17:38

Download the Uber app on his phone for him.

LotLessBovver · 26/07/2021 17:39

The biggest favour you can do for your brother is to use the word "No" when he issues his demands. He clearly needs to hear it more often in his pampered little life.

tallduckandhandsome · 26/07/2021 17:40

What is it with these entitled men. My brother is the same. Twat.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2021 17:40

"Hey bro, since you're being a dick about it, I've decided to not take you even if it's a double appointment. Try to be less of a dick when you're asking for favours. TTFN"

LookItsMeAgain · 26/07/2021 17:44

@Freddiefox

Your mum and dad can take him.
Good one!

This or he can actually pay for a taxi service there and when he is finished his treatment, he can arrange for another taxi back to his place. All the money he is saving on not having a car himself (tax/petrol/wear & tear/etc...) he can use for his taxi fare.

I would actually consider telling him that if he wants a lift anywhere in the future and if you're not already going in that general direction for your own purposes, he will be contributing to petrol and general costs of you having the car.

Mamamamasaurus · 26/07/2021 17:47

He's an entitled CF of huge proportions. I wouldn't be taking him FULL STOP.

daphnedoo12 · 26/07/2021 18:02

Your brother is being unreasonable

QueenBee52 · 26/07/2021 18:09

this has to be a Joke... nobody can be this much of a push over .. 😳

Original poster
Pompoms1 · 26/07/2021 18:15

I wish it was. Unless you’ve grown up with someone like this who’s always even the golden child and gets whatever he wants I appreciate it must be hard to understand.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2021 18:18

I get it OP. My cousins are the same.

You do need to punish rather than reward his entitled shit though. Give him less if he's a rest about it, not more.

Batshittery · 26/07/2021 18:22

@Pompoms1

I wish it was. Unless you’ve grown up with someone like this who’s always even the golden child and gets whatever he wants I appreciate it must be hard to understand.
But you are part of the problem as you are giving him what he wants, it's not just your parents. Just say no.
DrunkenKoala · 26/07/2021 18:23

I get it too OP. Grew up with a similar family dynamic. The manipulation I faced when I said no to him. I have very little to do with him now - now I’m no longer of any use to him. I’m happier for it.

HighNetGirth · 26/07/2021 18:30

Oh, I get it. My SIL was the golden child, DH the put-upon child.

Free yourself from caring about any family fall-out when you say no to him. And please do say no, unless he manages to hit on an arrangement that suits you. Even then, make lifts dependent on getting petrol money.

Standrewsschool · 26/07/2021 18:56

When you say ‘No’, be prepared for the hissy fit and toddler tantrum. He will make it sound like you’re the one in the wrong. However, if you’re prepared for this, it’s actually easier to cope with, and can be almost comical if they come out with the predicted speech.

chunderwunder · 26/07/2021 19:25

He wants to see her but doesn’t drive so needs me to be his taxi

This is patently untrue though isn't it? His not driving doesn't mean you're his chauffeur.

Why do you allow this?

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 26/07/2021 19:30

you’re selfish??
Haha he really is a complete CF
Laugh in his face next time he asks for a lift.

Chloemol · 26/07/2021 19:33

He is being unreasonable. He has a choice wait for a double appointment or make his own way there.

To make his sister, when driving causes you pain, to take him there separately is just plain mean

WallaceinAnderland · 26/07/2021 19:46

@Pompoms1

I wish it was. Unless you’ve grown up with someone like this who’s always even the golden child and gets whatever he wants I appreciate it must be hard to understand.
I've grown up with someone like this OP and I absolutely would not pander to him and those who complained about it can take a hike.
Happyfeet1972 · 26/07/2021 20:22

I can't imagine being so involved in my siblings life that I'd know they had appts and when. Surely in your 30s there might be a passing comment of "oh yeah i started physio" but that would be it.

You were doing him a massive favour by suggesting double appts may work. If he's not happy, leave him to it. Live your own life and leave him to his.

Ireolu · 26/07/2021 20:39

Not even sure how this is a question. Of course you are not being unreasonable. He needs to like it or lump it.

Bridezillamaybe · 26/07/2021 20:53

I'm imagining having this conversation with my brother when we were in our 20s / 30s but with the roles reversed - me asking him for a lift and me putting the conditions of that favour in place. It's not pretty.

VillageOf8 · 26/07/2021 22:22

@Takenoprisoner

I can't believe the rubbish women are willing to accept from a man, whether that's a husband, brother, grown son, father/father in law, or 'friend'. I despair.
I agree with this.

OP, you are an adult. Say no. Tell him to find his own way there. If anyone tries to bully/pressure you into driving him, tell them since it's so important to them, you will let your brother know to call them for a ride. People tend to shut up when they are expected to do the same task they were trying to bully some one else to do.

Block everyone's number and stop being a doormat. You owe them nothing.

Duchess379 · 28/07/2021 20:48

I'd tell him to go f*ck himself. And get public transport to physio. Or find a local physio instead...

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