We have 2 DCs. DS is 16 and DD is 13.
I'm really lucky that this is the first time we have had a major disagreement about our DCs but it has really upskittled me - largely because I can see how it could pan out over the years.
DD is 13. She has an ASC and ADD. She has recently been growing in confidence and becoming a great deal more independent. Her little group of friends at school are lovely. Over the past couple of weeks she has been asking to meet them out of school at the park and I have been saying yes. She has a phone and is very sensible. Her first couple of trips have gone well.
On Friday she went to meet a friend and was a bit late home. Her arrival time was pushed back a couple of times - she let me know and kept in contact - and when she told em she was on the way home it took her twice as long to get home as I expected. DH was really worried when she was 5 minutes late! Once she was home we talked about expectations.
Yesterday she asked to go into town today with a friend. I am happy to let her - she understands that Friday can't happen again - I accept some blame for Friday because I wasn't clear about a time to be home and she accepts she needs to set off when she says etc. DH, however, seems to have been possessed by the spirit of some victorian father and thinks she shouldn't go. He did agree but was so fierce about her not being late that she got into a spiral of anxiety over being late that she now doesn't want to go.
I have spoken to DH about how anxious he's made her but he can't see why it's a problem.
For context my early teens were a lot more 'free range' than his. I lived miles from school so if I came home alone it involved a bus into a major city and then a train out. I was often out all day with friends riding or walking or biking. I am ancient so there were no mobile phones. I said roughly when I would be home and my mum didn't stress unless I was over an hour late because she factored delays in etc. Because of this if she said she didn't want to me to do something I knew there was a good reason. DH disapproves of my childhood - thinks it was borderline neglectful as I quite frequently was alone at night until about 11pm as my mum played in concerts.
I want DD to grow up feeling trusted. I want her to tell us where she is going and with whom. I want her to be honest and to be able to call if things go tits up and know we will get her no matter what. I can see why DH doesn't want her to go into town - he is over protective with both of them - but I just feel his approach will lead to her hiding what she is doing and I worry that it will lead to her not feeling like she can ask for help if outings etc go wrong in the future.
I cannot get DH to see that his dictatorial approach is counterproductive.
I may be catastrophying - I have form - but I didn't sleep well last night worrying about it and I woke up early today still stressing.
Gah. Apologies for the ramble.