To think being tickled is torture

[gamechanging]

Pretty much every friend I have asked hates being tickled, even those who laugh a lot when being tickled! They'll say, "I laugh because I can't help it, but I actually hate it."

Then I started thinking about how much I tickle my kids (every day!) under the impression that they love it. My 2yo will repeatedly get me to do "Round and Round the Garden" to her and every time I get to "tickle you under there!" she cracks up, and almost immediately says, "Again!"

But, I remember being tickled as a kid (around 6yo) by my uncle and I suppose I must have been laughing for him to continually do it, but I hated it (my siblings say the same). However, I never told him then and would be mortified to tell him now because I genuinely think he thought we loved it.

So, I'm wondering if any of you can remember being tickled as a kid and loving it? If so, do you still love it as an adult? And, if not, at roughly what age did you go from loving it to hating it?

Here's my unreasonable bit:

YABU - If a kid is laughing and instigating it, they like it. Carry on; stop overthinking it...

YANBU - Laughing is a reflex to being tickled. Adults hate it and kids hate it: stop tickling your kids!

I didn’t used to mind short bursts of tickling, 5 seconds or so but prolonged tickling is just awful and I’d never do that to my DS.

I used to play a tickling game with my niece and nephew when they were younger, but I’d wait for them to ask for it and always stopped when they said so. Usually they would then ask me to do it again within seconds but it’s definitely something that should stop when the ticklee decides.

I hate it and have nevef instigated it.
was tickled a lot anyway. was awful as left me feeling very powerless.
apart from the teddybear song, and the spider walking up an arm when the dc come to me and ask for this I don't tickle my dc at all.

Children are people pleasers. Tickling shouldn't be acceptable. The only time it might be is the tickle you under there thing where its literally a second, not forced or held down and the kid can move away. And under the chin.

I don't like it and neither do my dc's. My family were annoyed when I asked them to stop doing it to them. It often oversteps the mark.

My stepdad called it 'tickling'. I find tickling or the thought of it, or a powerless child, abhorrent.

I am really ticklish and hated being tickled.
I can remember crying asking Dad to stop. I clearly remember saying ‘ I’m not laughing because it’s funny , I can’t help it’ it’s awful

My family always had clear rules about tickling and if anyone said stop then the tickler had to stop immediately. I think this is what makes the difference, to retain control.

My husband didn’t have these rules as a child but as others have said, now sees the benefit.

My FIL sometimes will take things too far and not listen when the kids ask to stop but both me and DH are firm about stepping in and now the kids are older they are also quick to speak up and clearly remind him of the rules. MIL also will also remind him too.

When I was dating my now husband he held me down and tickled me until I thought I would die. And I punched him in the face and burst into tears. It was awful. It is torture. He was so shocked, I explained that I hate it, I cannot bear it and despite my screams he refused to stop. It was so frightening and horrible and invasive and I felt trapped. He never did it again.

@Onairjunkie

When I was dating my now husband he held me down and tickled me until I thought I would die. And I punched him in the face and burst into tears. It was awful. It is torture. He was so shocked, I explained that I hate it, I cannot bear it and despite my screams he refused to stop. It was so frightening and horrible and invasive and I felt trapped. He never did it again.

And you continued this 'relationship'?

I don’t like being tickled and am very ticklish.
My 2 year old loves it and I’m very wary of taking it too far because I know I hate it, but she literally picks up my hands to put on her body and shouts ‘tickle!’ so I really don’t think she’s people pleasing. Sometimes the laugh does change though or she stays ‘stop’ or ‘no’ and I do stop immediately and say something along the lines of ‘you want me to stop now’ or ‘you don’t want to be tickled anymore’.

I hate it.

At about 5 I was reduced to tears, begging home stop, whilst still giggling, I eventually threw up on an uncle. Who then proceeded to smack my bottom.

Parents and grandparents were a bit ambivalent about it, telling him it was his own fault and me to stop crying. I avoided being alone with him after that. Told him to fuck off when I was about 13 when he tried to ambush tickle me again, he had done it as "an hilarious joke" every time we had a family get together. I think my Nana realised at that point I wouldn't put up with it and had words. But I was still told I was being 'a bit of a madam' about it.

It is torturous.

It is a form of power play, control.

And yes, there is some psych research into tickling and our autonomic response to it. But there are 2 distinct forms (odd names that I can't remember), one a protective flinch and the other a social bonding. And we all know how some people take advantage of many social experiences.

My lo loves being tickled and often asks for it. He has a book about a tickle monster that he often asks for as he gets tickled during it. However if he asked to stop I stop, I am not fond of being tickled and he knows that as I often say not to tickle Mummy and he knows he can do (and has done) the same.
My brother used to use it as a form of torture and I hated it

If the child is instigating the tickling and you're stopping when requested then it's fine so I said YABU.

I hated being tickled but I made this clear to anyone who threatened a tickle and would never instigate it.

I did, yeah. He thought her were ‘playing’ (probably in part due to that awful inadvertent laugh/shout tickling elicits) and was so mortified when I lamped him and cried. I’m really ticklish and have been assaulted in the past so being restrained is highly unpleasant, as it is for most people I expect.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I hate it.

At about 5 I was reduced to tears, begging home stop, whilst still giggling, I eventually threw up on an uncle. Who then proceeded to smack my bottom.

Parents and grandparents were a bit ambivalent about it, telling him it was his own fault and me to stop crying. I avoided being alone with him after that. Told him to fuck off when I was about 13 when he tried to ambush tickle me again, he had done it as "an hilarious joke" every time we had a family get together. I think my Nana realised at that point I wouldn't put up with it and had words. But I was still told I was being 'a bit of a madam' about it.

It is torturous.

It is a form of power play, control.

And yes, there is some psych research into tickling and our autonomic response to it. But there are 2 distinct forms (odd names that I can't remember), one a protective flinch and the other a social bonding. And we all know how some people take advantage of many social experiences.

It is a form of power play and control.

My ex would get mardy with me if I stopped him tickling the DC. He refused to stop when they asked him to. But then, he was always crossing boundaries on bodily autonomy anyway.

Which I think might be the point, the person doing the tickling is deliberately crossing boundaries. I'm sure I read somewhere that tickling is also a common grooming tactic used by paedophiles. It gives them an excuse to try and break down the child''s boundaries, and since tickling is still seen as harmless, it also grooms the parents into getting used to the abuser touching their child.

Hated it as a kid and so did my own children, if someone tried to tickle me as an adult, I'd smack the head off them.

One of mine liked it. But he would ask. I would tickle for about three seconds. And stop. He then chose if he wanted me to continue. Toddlers are weird.
I HATE being tickled. My dad used to do it and wouldn’t stop. YY to torture.
If a child says yes that’s different to a child laughing.

I hate tickling and my DH and kids know not to do it to me, but they all enjoy being tickled themselves. Still I would only ever do a second or two and then see if they come back for more.

I've always hated being tickled. It very quickly becomes painful to me, and yes as a child adults never stopped even when I screamed.
My two children liked being tickled when they were very small, but seem to hate it now, so I don't tickle them. Have threatened to on a few occasions though.
My sister hates being tickled even more than I do. Her feet are so sensitive that she can't have anyone else even touch them. Her H never believed she found it that bad until the day he tickled her feet and she reacted so strongly that she kicked him in the nose and gave him a nosebleed. I'm still a bit horrified that it took that level of a reaction to get him to stop rather than her repeatedly saying "Don't tickle me."

Hate it, it makes me feel really claustrophobic.

If the child asks to be tickled then I do it but not otherwise.

I hate it and I punch or kick people in the face if they do it to me. Hard. I broke my uncles nose kicking him when I was 14 as he was tickling me and wouldn't stop when I told him to.

I had a couple of "funny" uncles when I was small who would hold me down and tickle my feet until I could hardly breathe through the screaming/laughter and apparently begging them to stop only made it funnier. I'm sure there was no malice intended by either of them they just thought it was funny, but I hated it.

My own children beg to be tickled, especially by their dad and they say they really enjoy it, we stop as soon as they shout stop or enough but they usually demand more again straight away!

My DF was held down by “ friends” as a kid & tickled on the soles of his feet. If anyone tickles his feet now ( not that they would), he automatically lashes out & kicks. It really upsets me to think of him so helpless.

I'm not ticklish at all but dh is and he told me never to tickle him as he feels like he can't breathe when he gets tickled

I don't remember having any reaction as a kid being tickled