Stingy friend

[scrunchiegal]

I have a friend who always performs a ridiculous pantomime of her phone not working whenever it's time to get an Uber. As a result she never pays. Also in Covid times going to bars and pubs her phone never seems to work so she never orders or pays for anything. To add to this she started a fitness business and in order to be a good friend I've been trying to support her classes and have ended up spending £80-£100 a month on things I could get at the gym for free. I'm getting really fed up with this. I feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me.

Why are some people like this? I'm really not and I just think it's awful behaviour. I don't understand how some people are so willing to fleece their mates. DH says some people just like this and I should not sweat it and distance myself. She has plenty of money by the way.

Friends share and pay their way without having to be asked. Your dh is right. Bin her off and spend time with your real friends.

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She is not a friend. A friend would not treat you like that.

As soon as you arrive anywhere with her, ask her if her phone is working, because if it is going to be dodgy yet again, she needs to get herself to the hole in the wall and draw out some cash instead of expecting you to pay yet again.

She needs to know she's been rumbled.

Of course she has loads of money if she never pays for anything! Don't pay for her next time. And cancel your gym membership.

I agree with@ahoyshipmates
Call her out by reminding her that her phone always crashes at payment time.

And definitely get your own ubers home!

Your DH sounds spot on

Don’t let this continue. Don’t order for her in bars, and tell her why. And what @ahoyshipmates said about the taxi fare. If this doesn’t work or isn’t possible, the friendship (at least on a social level) may not be viable.

I hate stingy people. It's a really unattractive quality. But you are stupid if you let her get away with it. Why when the Uber doesn't work you don't ask her for £10 cash? Or next time you go out to lunch you split the bill you say I'm paying £25 and you're paying £35 because you owe me £10 for the Uber. If you don't, more fool you.

Mega stingy but your Dh is right. Also stop paying for things for her. idk why you would continue doing it over and over

Don’t order for her again. She’ll continue to take the piss as she’s got away with it for so long. But if you somehow have to, just drop her a casual text with ‘hiya name, lovely to see you last night -the Uber/drinks from the app that I covered were £XX so if you could transfer that when you’re ready. Thanks!’

Absolutely cannot stand stingy people. Call her out on it.

Agree. You absolutely have to say something.

Your DH is right.
You need to call it out every time. Ask her for the money back when you've paid for her, but from experience prepare yourself to be ghosted when you are no longer subbing her.
And cancel her gym.

Stop enabling her!

You ask “Why are some people like this?”. Because others let them get away with it time and time again. Speaking from experience, it’s so hard to pipe up and break the cycle!

Shes not your friend. It feels like she is using you because she totally is.

Stop going out with her or stop paying for her.

What would happen if you didn’t step up and pay and just waited, telling her it’s her turn

Why are you not texting her the amount she owes and getting her to transfer it over? I mean that's not even remotely awkward or hard to do, it's normal if someone owes you money.
Also cancel the gym stuff, you don't need it, your wasting your money.

I used to know someone like this - friend of a friend. She’s very pretty, athletic, blonde, bubbly and everyone wants to be around her for those reasons. She would fleece every friend and simple minded male around. She was constantly pleading poverty which was total bullshit. Her father gave her thousands to start up a business which never went anywhere. She was a bridesmaid for someone I know and went on the hen party pretending she couldn’t afford to pay for anything and all the other bridesmaids ended up paying for all her drink and food. She’s a total narcissist. She set up a GoFundMe to pay for her hotel/travel costs for a weekend away under the guise of it being for something else. I would be embarrassed to be like that. My two friends who were close with her at one time now have nothing to do with her. Distance yourself. Your friend will never change.

Just bin her off.

She will keep doing it for as long as you keep letting her get away with it. Think about that and it's clear what you need to do.

Thanks all. It's reassuring to see I'm not over-reacting here. I will distance myself, stop all the classes and move on. I do know part of the issue is me being wet and silently seething instead of asserting myself, but I've reached the end of the line with it now. I've had enough!

Your dh is spot on.
A dd had a friend like this. People continue doing it because their friends are too nice (aka mugs, I’m afraid) to say anything. And the CFs are too shameless to stop doing it otherwise.