Stingy friend

[scrunchiegal]

I have a friend who always performs a ridiculous pantomime of her phone not working whenever it's time to get an Uber. As a result she never pays. Also in Covid times going to bars and pubs her phone never seems to work so she never orders or pays for anything. To add to this she started a fitness business and in order to be a good friend I've been trying to support her classes and have ended up spending £80-£100 a month on things I could get at the gym for free. I'm getting really fed up with this. I feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me.

Why are some people like this? I'm really not and I just think it's awful behaviour. I don't understand how some people are so willing to fleece their mates. DH says some people just like this and I should not sweat it and distance myself. She has plenty of money by the way.

Get Splitwise app and get her to put it in her phone.
Then when you pay, you add in what she owes you. All my adult children do this so they keep track when it's all digital payments these days as "no one carries cash ". You can add the last few ubers and bar payments as you'll have details of how much they cost.

Cancel your gym or whatever membership & the extras with her business.

I'd suggest you stop paying snd say it's your turn for the next x Ubers home so charge up your phone don't make an excuse again next time. Or don't invite her.

She doesn't sound like a good friend so I'd be inclined to drop her. She's not just stingy she is expecting you to find her nights out and lying about it

Sorry I meant say to HER "charge you your phone snd don't make an excuse" next time if you do go out again

I’ve come across many people like this but the thing is the more you give the more they’ll take. They’ll screw you for everything they can get out of you.
They will always plead poverty and claim that they are skint but they never are. The way they see it is their money is theirs but your money is theirs as well. That’s why you never see them putting their hand in their pocket. They come to expect that everyone else will fund them and have no shame in fleecing people.

You need to toughen up op and start saying no. Don’t give her another penny no matter how skint she claims to be. Otherwise it’ll just carry on.

Can't bear people like that. Once they're out of your life you'll realise you're not missing a thing!!

Yes not a nice trait. My friend used grab a seat while I always paid for cuppas and cakes. Now I just put few quid in my purse. I dont like mean ness. Op you may have to call her out on it

order to be a good friend I've been trying to support her classes and have ended up spending £80-£100 a month on things I could get at the gym for free.

that's not being a good friend, that's being a mug.

A good friend helps, helps you pack, move, helps you carry things to set up the classes..

You don't try to make her business financially viable by wasting money in it.

I had a 'friend' like this.
Next time I'd ask to have a look at her phone to see if you can get it to work or pretend you've left your phone at home.
If she ends up having to pay I bet she won't be shy asking you to transfer your half into her account which is when I'd call her out on all the times she's taken you for a mug.
She's out for what she can get.

You really need to stop funding her business. She's a user.

Call her out on it.

Can’t get her Uber to work? No worries, you can split the fare

“Can’t” pay for food or drinks. That’s a shame, just Order and pay for your own. Amazing how quickly her phone will start working.

Or get somewhere early, order yourself a drink before she gets there and leave her TI get her own

She won’t change unless you force it

Why are some people like this?

Because other people let them away with it.

If you do go out with her in future, when she claims her phone isn't working, let her log in to her accounts on your phone!

"oh your phone isn't working so you can't sort the uber, no worries my phone is working just log into your account on my phone, its definitely your turn"

"oh your phone isn't working so you can't order your round, just log into your PayPal on my phone and you can sort it"

Make her pay every time it'd her turn.... She does it as she gets away with it.

It’s so easy for strangers to sit here on AIBU and tell you (and others in these situations) to speak up / grow a pair etc etc but in reality it can be really awkward and uncomfortable to have to confront a friend about them taking the piss. I think with this situation you need to be honest and say, “look - I’ve paid for the last however many cabs and drinks and you never return my generosity.” The reason these CFs keep doing it is because they hope it’s going unnoticed and everyone is too embarrassed to mention what’s going on.

I had this situation with a friend who would let me book cinema and theatre tickets etc, turn up and take the ticket without offering any money, and then need to be asked at least twice in the following days and weeks for payment. She never ever volunteered to do the booking herself. So I just totally stopped inviting her to chargeable events.

It’s so easy for strangers to sit here on AIBU and tell you

true

but the universal "sorry I can't afford it" excuse is a very useful one.
Always play the broke card and you are fine.