I'm so anxious around food, it's ruining social events..

[anaom]

I'm really conscious about this sounding pathetic, so please be kind. I know that many people won't understand this but I just wanted somewhere to vent..

I am a VERY fussy eater. I have been for as long as I can remember. It is the main cause of my medicated anxiety, if I don't plan / know what I'm going to eat I get extremely anxious and stressed / upset. My anxiety has always been around good. I feel physically sick at the thought of most foods and eating in a social setting with others, when I don't like any of the food being served - and consequently looking extremely rude for not eating / just 'picking' or moving food around my plate is my biggest fear. I know that sounds ridiculous given most people's biggest fears are heights / flying for example. This is honestly mine. And it's ruining so many aspects of my life.

For example - this evening we have a party to attend. A friend of my In-laws. I don't know what food is there. How it's being served etc, and it's really stressing me out..
I don't want it to be a sit down meal in case I don't like the food and look rude.

I don't know what I'm really asking here. I've been so anxious I've debated all day saying 'I've got a migraine' and can't come.

Has anybody got similar fears? To have a dear around food sounds ridiculous I know. But it's ruining a huge chunk of my social life!

I fear this will be son in a few years time, we have got to the stage now where he really only eats chips - shocking I know - I feel as a parent I have failed him and I don't know how to move on from this - I know it's going to have an impact on his future.

@lolacola77 thank you so much for your lovely, supportive comment. I sincerely hope that your family don't ever have to go through this - you need constant support and I fear they wouldn't get that from you.

@MakeMineALarge1 please don't worry. You haven't failed him. My parents felt the same when I was growing up. In fact, I USED to eat everything under the sun, there was nothing that I wouldn't eat. I can hand on her say that yes, I do get very anxious and things like events to make me feel frightened. But as a whole, I live a very happy and fulfilling life and this doesn't affect every single aspect. 🤍

I don’t like eating at other people’s homes either, just eat before you go and say you are full/lined your stomach, or be honest with them and tell them the truth.

@SwanShaped

I think regardless of this meal, if it controls your life this much then it needs addressing. First step, could you acknowledge it to your in laws friends, so that it’s not this huge secret? Just say that you have food anxiety? I don’t know if you’d feel ok doing that, but sometimes I find that keeling something a secret is half the anxiety. And then get some CBT to look at why you find it so tricky to eat food you don’t like. I know someone who suffers from the same thing as you and it dominates their life. The trouble with food anxiety, is that you have to eat. It’s not like a fear of flying where you can just avoid it.

I really do understand your anxiety…close friend has similar issues. She has really made huge progress with the combination of medication for her food anxiety/orthorexia and therapy.

I know some one who suffered like you. They did decide to do something about it as it was impeding their life so much. Their therapist set them tiny challenges each week. They are much more comfortable eating out now. Worth a try?

Well done OP and I'm glad it turned out okay. Definitely agree with the advice about seeking help.

I would add that there is no reason to make up excuses. If someone had a broken leg/heart disease/slipped disc we wouldn't all be suggesting ways to disguise their issue so no one else knew. If you say e.g. 'I'm not eating because I have an illness that limits how I can eat, so I'm here for the company rather than the food, how are you since we last saw each other, are you enjoying the new job?' Etc - No one is going to think any less of you.

That sounds so stressful for you. You could tell your hosts that you have lots of food allergies, and so you've eaten already. I'm sure most people wouldn't mind.
Or, if you want to be more upfront about it, let them have a list of the foods you can eat.
I wouldn't keep it a secret, it's too stressful to do that.

It doesn't sound pathetic at all. I have a fear of eating in front of other people, although it has got better over the years. Have you had any therapy around this issue?

Glad the party went ok

I could have written this. I physically gag when I go into the house. It's so debilitating. For the people saying 'say you have an allergy' that doesn't work. People look at you rudely for not telling them in advance.

My advice would be to try and deal with the issue. I've contacted a hypnotherapist to try and widen my food choices. Not only for anxiety but for health. I've decided I have to try and fix it.

Hi op I glad it went ok for you
Reading your op it does sound very like me, I have hugely limited diet and think mine is maybe part of my autism. I am the child/adult who will starve rather than eat something different or I do not like.
Basically I cannot eat new foods, or strong foods, or slightly different foods. Big problem with fruit and veg because one can be very different to the next one.
I am very honest about my issues though if anyone asks. I went to a barbecue a couple of years ago for the first time, and just talked to my friends I did not eat anything. One of my friends was asking me to have something but I just say no thank you I do not want it.
My other friends if we go out at all it will be somewhere basics like a Wetherspoons so I can just get a small plain pizza or something. Again this is very rare and only a couple of times a year in normal times.
I rarely eat out but if I am somewhere a bit different and someone is asking me to eat I just simply respond with “no thank you I do not eat new/different food” and generally people leave it then.
So maybe having a response like that will help you because then you are less likely to have the pressure of other people on you then
Good luck 🙂

I'm like you OP, really really fussy. I can usually find something on a menu when I go out, but I have to stick to pubs or certain restaurants. I don't get the anxiety as bad as you, because my friends and family all know and are supportive. It used to hurt when I was younger and my Aunt would invite my mum and dad to hers for a meal and wouldn't invite me so that she didn't have to cater for me, but now I have grown up that is better than what my SIL does, she invites me to things and then has nothing for me to eat. She likes to do fancy food and can't bare to bring herself to do something basic for me, so I always try to get out of any get together where she is doing the food.
If I don't have a choice I usually eat before I go and if anyone says anything just say I'm not hungry or tell the truth that there is nothing I will eat.

[quote anaom]@lolacola77 thank you so much for your lovely, supportive comment. I sincerely hope that your family don't ever have to go through this - you need constant support and I fear they wouldn't get that from you.

@MakeMineALarge1 please don't worry. You haven't failed him. My parents felt the same when I was growing up. In fact, I USED to eat everything under the sun, there was nothing that I wouldn't eat. I can hand on her say that yes, I do get very anxious and things like events to make me feel frightened. But as a whole, I live a very happy and fulfilling life and this doesn't affect every single aspect. 🤍
[/quote]
Hang on, you used to eat everything?

What changed? Do you/your parents remember what was going on in your life at the time?

I sort of had this, panic attacks at being in fancy restaurants and not being able to eat anything.

I did cbt and it worked on just building myself up over w few weeks to more exposure. So a different restaurant every night, starting with the very safe where no one cares (McDonald's etc) then more complex situations.
Seemed to work and though I get anxious about it stlll, I can talk myself through it and know it passes once I am at the place.

(I do check menus for a bland chicken /veggie dish in advance that I can eat or pick at)

@anaom

Thank you all. It's been an ongoing issue in my life for as long as I can remember. Immediate family are great about it now - it isn't even that I don't WANT to try the food - it's just a huge mental barrier I think. I physically can't make myself. It's so embarrassing.. I go red, get hot and clammy and usually am on the brink of tears as it's all just traumatising. I know that this sounds pathetic, I FEEL pathetic being this way. I really hope that I can get a better grip on it too, like PP's have said. I feel like I've used most excuses that I possibly can over the years. I hate being / coming across rude that's the thing.

If you were coming to eat at my house I’d like to know that you’d got an issue about good and I’d do whatever I could to address your needs, either by preparing foods you liked, not having a sit down dinner, or something to help you. It must be awful for you x