AIBU to think that my colleagues just don't like me that much?

[sheiselectric]

The big school I work at does a collection and card for all to sign when someone leaves, gets married or has a baby. They have been doing this for as long as I have been working there (8 years) and I have contributed to them all but I have never been married or had children so there has never been one for me. I'm will be getting married next month though.

The last day of term was Thursday and we had our annual (outside this year) gathering where we celebrate these things and present the leaving/wedding/maternity cards. Everyone was presented with their oversized card (to fit all the signitures). Everyone apart from me who was presented with a bottle of proscecco which was left over from the staff party last week. It was really embarassing as I was clearly an afterthought.

I'm not bothered about the money for a collection but I'm upset for two reasons. Firstly, because I was looking forward to seeing the well wishes of the people who I have worked with for several years. Secondly, and mainly, it was a humiliating. I wanted to make a quiet exit but then other members of staff started coming up to me saying how awful it was there was no card/collection for me making me feel so embarrassed. What can you say to that?

I later found out a woman who returned after long term sick leave, just for today, told management they couldn't leave me out which is why I ended up with a little mention and the bottle.

Am I being unresonable to think that my colleagues just don't like me that much? At least I don't have to see them for 6 weeks.

That's really shit of them, I would feel the same

Aw that’s rotten. Who is the person responsible for collections or is it up to department admin/bosses?

That is sad. No real advice, but I would not be putting in for any other collections there !
( oh, I've forgotten my purse, or the details for the bank transfer etc)
Don't let it spoil your own wedding though ; they are clearly not worth worrying about.

Yep I'd be extremely forgetful on collection days in future. Fuck them op. Shitty people
. Congrats on your upcoming wedding I hope you have the best day!

That's awful but it nearly happened to a colleague of mine by accident. She works between two large departments and each one thought the other was organising. Luckily it was flagged and we managed a nice amount of vouchers and a card in time.

Sorry this happened to you

Usually our SLT delegate the job to someone. I can understand that they are busy and these things get missed but surprised nobody noticed and said anything when signing all the other cards the week before. Maybe I'll dye my hair something crazy for the Autumn term as I'm obviously so forgettable 😂

I won't let it ruin my day though- was wondering if I was being a drama queen by being hurt about it. Haven't said anything about it in real life to anyone though.

That is really shitty of them, if they forgot it'd be different.
Please don't contribute in the future.
Goodluck and congratulations for your upcoming wedding.
Ps I hope they've a decent card on your return.

You're not being a drama queen Op, it is really hurtful ! I hope you have a lovely wedding day. Fuck em.
It also happened to me when I went off on maternity. I spent 4 years contributing to others , sometimes giving money when I was skint , and when my last day came around I didn't even get one card. It said it all to me. They were begging me to come back after maternity and I said I was surprised they remembered I even worked there 😂 petty yes, but i was really hurt I didn't even get a 50p card.

I'd not contribute in the future and I wouldn't make excuses for it either .they have given you a message loud and clear!

You aren't being a drama queen at all - that's awful!

No, of course you feel hurt. Most people would do. Just think if the money you will save though for not putting in any more collections though !
Take a stand : they have had eight years of your hard earned cash already !

No, you’re not being unreasonable at all. It’s really hurtful. I left a job after fifteen years without even a card and was surprised about how much I minded.

That's really upsetting! I'm sorry. I agree with other posters saying to stop contributing in the future.

Hope you have a lovely wedding day!

Oh that's appalling, you're not over reacting at all. I'd definitely not be contributing to any other whip rounds they have for other people.

* I wanted to make a quiet exit but then other members of staff started coming up to me saying how awful it was there was no card/collection for me making me feel so embarrassed. What can you say to that?*

^Your colleagues knew there was no card or collection for you. Which begs the question why not a single one of them thought to arrange it.

Your colleagues and management are a disgrace.

I had this in a workplace. I think it can happen to quieter folk who don't have a more 'out there' close work friend to remind people they exist. Can be very painful, but not worth getting existential over.

That's awful op. What a bunch of tossers 💐

Absolutely not overreacting, 8 years is a long time to be left out.

Apologies if this is a silly question but were the team definitely aware of your wedding (apart from the woman who remembered when she came back for the day)? I only ask as if you're maybe having a low key celebration and have been WFH most of the year, perhaps word hadn't got round?

This is why I stopped contributing or signing cards years ago, it was very unequal.

Please stop contributing at least.

That's awful! What a bunch of shits.

Mine was much prettier than your one is : everyone on the group app wished me happy birthday last month apart from one ( who I've had beef with in the past )
I was also surprised at how much it hurt her not to even type ' happy birthday'because of something that happened over ten years ago!! ( we don't do presents or anything for anyone etc)
I can see why your upset though , fuck em and enjoy your wedding : I hope it's a lovely day !

Are you the only person getting married? I can imagine them doing the baby stuff and the leaving stuff and accidentally forgetting the wedding stuff. Or if you fall between departments or something like that?

Its been a very tough year and people aren't able to be as thoughtful as usual, try not to take it to heart.

I would like to wish you congratulations though and a fantastic wedding 💒

Let us know the date - we will have a hen-thread for you!

🧁 🎈 🥂 🍷 👯‍♂️

(That’s male strippers...)

That's really poor of them and I can completely understand how hurt you must feel. Are any of them invited to the wedding? Maybe they are all chipping in for something and bringing it on the day?

I had similar. Worked for several years in one place and suffered four pregnancy losses whilst there. Finally had a successful pregnancy but actually gave birth on what was supposed to be my final day of work before mat leave. All I had was a text from my manager saying "Congratulations! Which day did you actually give birth so I can let HR know?" and that was it. No further communication, no card, not even the corporate bouquet of flowers that was company policy when members of staff gave birth or got married.

I hope despite the disappointment with your colleagues you have a wonderful wedding.