AIBU to think that my colleagues just don't like me that much?

[sheiselectric]

The big school I work at does a collection and card for all to sign when someone leaves, gets married or has a baby. They have been doing this for as long as I have been working there (8 years) and I have contributed to them all but I have never been married or had children so there has never been one for me. I'm will be getting married next month though.

The last day of term was Thursday and we had our annual (outside this year) gathering where we celebrate these things and present the leaving/wedding/maternity cards. Everyone was presented with their oversized card (to fit all the signitures). Everyone apart from me who was presented with a bottle of proscecco which was left over from the staff party last week. It was really embarassing as I was clearly an afterthought.

I'm not bothered about the money for a collection but I'm upset for two reasons. Firstly, because I was looking forward to seeing the well wishes of the people who I have worked with for several years. Secondly, and mainly, it was a humiliating. I wanted to make a quiet exit but then other members of staff started coming up to me saying how awful it was there was no card/collection for me making me feel so embarrassed. What can you say to that?

I later found out a woman who returned after long term sick leave, just for today, told management they couldn't leave me out which is why I ended up with a little mention and the bottle.

Am I being unresonable to think that my colleagues just don't like me that much? At least I don't have to see them for 6 weeks.

That's horrible.
Are they nice to you everyday at work?
Congratulations and have an amazing day!
Can we see a picture of your dress?

Similar happened to me when DD was born with school mums.

I took the hint, stopped contributing to any whip rounds again, explained why (briefly without bitterness hopefully!) if anyone asked why.

And backed off from most people. Will be out of their lives/them out of mine in a year.

Not as easy for you I appreciate, but I would be hurt too.

💐 for you and enjoy your wedding!

Fuck them.

It was probably an oversight rather than malicious but still completely unacceptable. They should have been falling over themselves to get a card signed for you once they realised what had happened.

Congratulations by the way!

I suspect similar will happen when I have my baby. I only actually worked with them for two weeks before lockdown started, so I imagine that'll be the excuse, even though I've contributed to every collection since I started.

It's shit. I'm sorry.

That is really hurtful but out of curiosity, did you invite any of your coworkers to the wedding? Because after 8 years, at least some of them would have become close enough to be friends that you would invite. If not, maybe they were upset that no-one was invited. If it is a small gathering, did you let them know and explain that's why they were not invited.

If they are invited, maybe they will be offering you a nice joint present on the day?

Hope your wedding is a lovely day.

I understand why if it has been custom you feel left out.

I know exactly how you feel OP, I was on long term sick last year after a cancer diagnosis I received nothing (worked with most of these colleagues for 10 years).
A member of staff is currently off sick and colleagues have arranged a get well card, flowers and gift card for her.
It really hurts. I understand exactly how you feel.
Enjoy your wedding day and all the well wishes from the people who matter the most 😊

That’s just awful and so thoughtless. Now you know where you stand and you can choose to refrain from contributing to other people’s collections if you wish to.

Do you have any particular friends at work? I ask because I’ve noticed that the extent of cards and collections and resulting celebratory fanfare is usually driven by friends in the workplace, or management at the last minute once they realise no one has bothered and they do the absolute minimum.

Similar happened to me - I worked for a company for 11 years and when I decided to resign rather than return from maternity leave I had no card or gift at all, just an email from the department head thanking me for my contribution over the years. It was always customary to buy cards and gifts for all life events so this was an obvious snub - even temps who had been there only 3 months always got a collection with a card, wine, chocolate and flowers.

Thank you for all your lovely replies. I'm sorry to hear that others have been in similar situations. The strange thing is, I thought I had several friends at work. I regularly socialise outside work with many of them.

To answer some questions- my wedding was cancelled a few times due to covid but everyone definitely is aware it is happening next month as everyone had been asking me about it. I had invited people from work but due to the wedding being quite far away (3 hr drive) only 3 are coming. But I definitely know there won't be a card at a later point- my colleague even made a joke about how lucky I am management presented the prosecco because there was no collection 🙄😂

After venting on here I much better. Think I needed to outlet my humiliation as I was too embarrassed to tell anyone how I felt in real life.

Your colleagues, especially the ones you socialise with, should be ashamed of themselves

@sheiselectric

Usually our SLT delegate the job to someone. I can understand that they are busy and these things get missed but surprised nobody noticed and said anything when signing all the other cards the week before. Maybe I'll dye my hair something crazy for the Autumn term as I'm obviously so forgettable 😂

I won't let it ruin my day though- was wondering if I was being a drama queen by being hurt about it. Haven't said anything about it in real life to anyone though.

Aw, that's rubbish . My colleagues are very generous and we put in for illness, when people have lost loved ones, for leavers, weddings etc. SLT don't organise it though. It's up to a TA or teacher to do the legwork going round classes with an envelope collecting. A friend or a colleague who works with the recipient usually volunteers to do it.

my colleague even made a joke about how lucky I am management presented the prosecco because there was no collection
maybe they are having you on and you will get a very nice present on the day. Wait until then as you'll otherwise be upset with yourself for having bad thoughts about them. If there is nothing on the day, then yes, you can definitely feel resentful and sad.

@sheiselectric

Thank you for all your lovely replies. I'm sorry to hear that others have been in similar situations. The strange thing is, I thought I had several friends at work. I regularly socialise outside work with many of them.

To answer some questions- my wedding was cancelled a few times due to covid but everyone definitely is aware it is happening next month as everyone had been asking me about it. I had invited people from work but due to the wedding being quite far away (3 hr drive) only 3 are coming. But I definitely know there won't be a card at a later point- my colleague even made a joke about how lucky I am management presented the prosecco because there was no collection 🙄😂

After venting on here I much better. Think I needed to outlet my humiliation as I was too embarrassed to tell anyone how I felt in real life.

They sound so mean especially if you count them as actual friends. At least you know the 3 attending really are your friends who care.

I can’t believe that management went ahead with a presentation knowing that you would not be receiving anything (Prosecco does not count!!).

I also think it was an oversight but surely the appropriate thing to do in those circumstance was to just give everyone else their cards individually not in front of everyone, making it obvious that you had not been included.

I’m sorry that happened to you. Don’t think that people overall don’t like you. Think that your management have no people skills whatsoever

That’s so shit OP! Sorry xx

We had a huge turnover of staff at work to the point where leaving collections and birthdays were a few quid each week. I stopped putting in to it as most people only stayed a few months!

I’m a teacher too and this happens a lot! I’ve also put in for collections then never seen where it’s gone, hoping they’ve given it quietly to them and not just kept my money. Last year my friend left on mat leave and we had to actually ask management where her card was; they sent it via email after having forgotten to sort it!!

I’d say they’ve just had a mega busy time, no excuses esp if they sorted others but you’ve just had the bad luck of the draw and been the one they’ve forgotten. It will not be that they don’t like you - people can just be crap!

I got married in December and my colleague (not SLT) told me that if he hadn’t arranged my collection and suggested a little celebration, nothing would’ve happened and that he’d had to do all the work. I kind of didn’t want to know that 🤣 but was very grateful for it! But it just shows that people can be so rubbish when it comes to these things. They don’t realise how much it means to the individual either, especially during Covid and with wedding postponements etc too!

Hope you’re okay. Have a lovely wedding day!! I’m really glad you’re finally getting to have it as the postponements situation has been so rubbish.

Xxx

That’s really horrible I have no answer.

I had the opposite, I hated where I worked for two years, disliked most of the people but always worked hard and kept quiet, I am quiet by nature, I was just going to slip away without saying goodbye when I was pushed in a surprise room given money, flowers and cake, quite a bit of money, so embarrassed

Fuck 'em OP.

And think of all the money you'll no save by NOT contributing to any more collections!

This is really shit OP. Hope you have wonderful wedding xx

my colleague even made a joke about how lucky I am management presented the prosecco because there was no collection

Did you ask this colleague why not?

Lousy op that was awful no excuse for that. Not nice

At my previous job it was all about who you are and if you're liked or not. When certain people left the manager of their dept would send an email round the whole company saying how brilliant they've been

When certain other people left there was nothing, no email, no card, no collection etc. An employee who left but who was an agency worker had the whole company come to their presentation

A friend of mine left after eighteen years and nothing. One of the two directors left and again nothing

Your treatment doesn't sound v nice op and I would probably voice your disappointment to whoever arranges these things

Management should take an all or none gift stance, it isn't fair blatant favoritism in the work place. It wouldn't be allowed in the classroom adults should know better.

That’s absolutely shit and they should be ashamed. That would be the last collection I put in for.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
Just a thought, are any of them invited? Even to your night time?