Is anyone else just done with people?

[Rosalie21]

I feel like I lack the assertiveness needed to survive in the workplace. I’m seriously considering working from home, where I don’t have to see anybody. I’m quite a loner as it is.

I’ve been temping in a pre school, and I think my quiet nature hasn’t really made the best impression. I do try and be firm like if the kids are doing something they shouldn’t I will tell them, but I am quite quiet and softly spoken which I think doesn’t do me any favours.
There was a woman who’s also agency and who’s been there for a whole week longer than me. She’s not a room leader or anything but she kept bossing me about, yet I didn’t see her bossing the other agency staff about. She also kept handing me things and saying “put that in the kitchen”. “Go and put that there” etc no please or thank you.

In the end, I just stopped doing what she asked and just ignored it. She was saying “can you do that for me” and I just thought, do you think you’re my manager? I wouldn’t mind if she had seniority and was also giving orders to the other lady.

I heard the room leader whisper “she needs a rocket under her arse” presumably about me.

I was engaging with the kids and I did what was asked of me. I wasn’t just sat doing nothing. I have only been in that class a couple of days so still getting used to it, but just felt like I didn’t fit in there.

I’ve had this in a few jobs, where non superiors try to boss me about. I do hate being told what to do, and I hate being told off in front of other colleagues like a naughty child.

What I found a little rude was that yesterday when another temp left the room leader said, thanks for all your help, you’ve been brilliant.
When I left, she didn’t even say thanks.
I won’t be going back there. I just feel useless in the workplace and an easy target. Just had enough, I probably sound pathetic, anyone else?

My first agency jobs in nursery settings were similar. It's really shit that people are like that. The other temp sounds awful. I've experienced this kind of treatment and made sure that when I have been in more senior roles I've treated everyone respectfully. I hope that it won't put you off. Your relationships with other staff are important but it sounds like you're just what the kids need with all the others being a bit loud.
I think being new anywhere is so hard if you're introverted, but doesn't mean you should change. The world needs quieter people too. Good luck. Maybe your next setting will be a bit nicer.

If she wasn't your superior, why weren't you automatically doing the things that needed doing? Then she wouldn't have been constantly asking.

@Narutocrazyfox

If someone asks in such a manner, say loudly, in front of the children "I think you've forgotten the magic word there, Ms/Mrs xxxx!"

That's what I'd do - I cannot stand bad manners!

Ooooh - and definitely do this! ^

I mean people who aren’t superiors have no place to be bossing others about. I’m happy to be told what to do by those whose job it is

You seem quite negative..ok so she has asked you to help in a rather blunt way (that's her failing). But yours is your inability to see past how you've been asked, and just do what's helpful for the team. It doesn't matter who is more senior?

Ps and yes sometimes people are asking you to do lots of things because a) they need doing and you do not appear to be doing them or b) you are doing the bare minimum and there's lots to do and they feel they are stuck with an unfair workload. Could either of those apply? There's more to do in a busy nursery than just engage with the children.

From your posts it does sound like you maybe lack initiative and they were having to tell you what you should be doing which you interpreted as being asked to 'help'. Similar to when people on here post about their partner complaining they are 'nagging' because they keep asking them to do things (i.e. pull their own weight).

Would also explain why this is a recurring issue for you.

@Itgetsthehoseagain

If she wasn't your superior, why weren't you automatically doing the things that needed doing? Then she wouldn't have been constantly asking.

This is what I was thinking. Why are they even having to ask you to do things, you should either just do it or ask them, 'what can I do', 'let me know if I need to do any more', 'let me know if you help with anything'.

This is normal in a new job.

Working in a team of equals still needs direction and leadership to make sure that things get done, if the manager isn’t there all the time to take on that role. If everyone just potters on ploughing their own furrow quietly then important stuff can be left undone. If you’re new to a setting then it’s highly likely you’ll be less au fait with how things are done, so more direction is to be expected under those circumstances, even if from a peer. Every group needs a Finisher. People who work together for a long time as peers fall into their roles naturally and get on with tasks naturally without need for much direction, but with new teams it requires a bit more conscious direction.

Yep I’m exactly the same, I haven’t got what it takes to play the manipulative game playing of workplace politics. I’m so fed up of bitching/one upmanship/throwing people under a bus/not saying the right thing to the right person or the wrong thing to the wrong person/peoples sensitivities. To get on in a workplace these days you need a degree in psychology and law and an extensive history in HR to survive unless you want to shut up and put up.. to the detriment of your mental health.. sadly I’m not prepared to do that.
I guess there are some places that I hope aren’t like this but for the most part I think it’s everywhere now as everyone is so greedy and lacking in confidence.

Preschools are busy so I would ask a more experienced member of staff if I can help with xyz if it looks like something needs doing. Despite the fact I’m more qualified than the nursery staff I have worked alongside when temping I am happy to pitch in with everything - cleaning the floor after lunch, mopping up spills, washing hands. I try to keep busy and if I think something needs doing I might say “is it alright if I ….” Just in case they have a plan that I don’t know about, such as getting ready to go outside, that needs me to help out with.

If they are a bit shitty then just continue to be polite and do what you’re being asked to (within reason!) so that you know they can’t feed anything bad back fo your temp agency, or if they do then you know you’ve tried your hardest and they just aren’t a good fit for you.

Good luck! Temping isn’t easy

But the fact it keeps happening to you in different jobs suggests it is something that you're doing.

If it's just that you're quiet, but doing your job effectively, then you need to learn to be a little bit less passive. Introversion doesn't mean that people can walk all over you. There are ways to say no that aren't so direct

If though it's that people think you aren't doing your job or are being slow to do things that need doing, then I can see why they are annoyed by you. They might think you're being slow or lazy. You might appear to be dreamily drifting around while they think a little bit more urgency is required. Maybe if this is the case, you do need to look at your performance.

I'm a bit of an introvert and I tend to get carried away with focusing on one activity when I'm with children, especially one to one, whereas I think you need to have eyes and ears everywhere and be very aware of what's needed in the rest of the room. You say you're engaged with the children, which is good, but does that mean that when the other staff start to put things away or get some equipment out that you just carry on talking to the child you're with, as opposed to saying "Well, you carry on with that and I'll just give Mrs X a hand with getting out the paints and I'll pop back and see how you're doing in a minute.?

It’s difficult if you are introverted and softly spoken. I do think some people take that as a sign that they can push you around. Practicing being more assertive and look more confident, even if you don’t feel it, will probably help. I hate these awkward situation where people glare back when you smile at them, had that myself. I think the best way to deal with that is to say there and then in a confident voice «is something wrong?» and confront their rude behaviour.

OP it’ll happen to you in every job….you need to become more assertive…but if I were you I’d be considering a move into a more introvert friendly career where you can really flourish.

I’m totally ignorant when it comes to working with kids but I’m thinking maybe you could become a Nanny when you have the experience or maybe go into child psychology…a role where you can really shine on a more individual basis.

I worked in loads of jobs when I was a student where I was treated how you describe. I find that as an introvert so many people judge you harshly …you can see it in the comments here…lacking initiative, hyper focused, asd symptoms?!!

What I can see is that you’re very self aware, want to make a success of your job, highly conscientious and open minded when it comes to flexing your working style to get the best out of interacting with different personality types.

These days I work in a highly analytical role with a lot of other introverts and compared to previous student jobs it’s bliss. Yes we also have extroverts and ambiverts on the team and I need to be assertive but it’s a really comfortable environment for me to be in.

And yes I’m going to say it…I get paid SO much more now than any of those idiot, bossy loud mouths who used to treat me like some kind of weirdo because they were lacking in self awareness and unable to work well with somebody who was a bit different to them.

@Cheerstoyou

She should still have good manners but I have worked with a very quiet colleague before that never took the initiative. The manager left her to do next to nothing all day which didn’t bother me until it started affecting my workload. Then I would go in and get a bit bossy because I was sick of picking up her slack. Perhaps you need to be more proactive? I would definitely pull her up on her manners though.

Yeah I've had the same but with a very loud outgoing colleague.

It can take a while to get into the rhythm of a new job OP - maybe give it a bit more time and see how it's going once you know the ropes, especially if you are enjoying the work. If the other staff aren't used to working with someone quiet then it may be an adjustment for them as well.

@Rosalie21

There’s a difference between asking for help with things and then handing me things and saying “go and put that there”.

In the nicest possible way, do you think she was getting frustrated with having to tell you to do things that you should have been able to see needed doing yourself? Maybe she wasn’t ‘bossing’ other temp staff because they were being proactive. I think the comment from the room leader might support this idea

I'm with you OP, my boss constantly puts me down in front of other members of staff, all for silly little things that I would need to be a mind reader to know. My DH has recently said this to me, he is a chef, 2 customers came in after the kitchen had closed and he had cleaned down, he offered to do them a meal each anyway, so they ordered a 2 course meal and desert. I know they are paying customers, but he could have easily stood firm and refused as the kitchen was closed and he had actually finished work, so was doing them a favour by staying and cooking them anything at all.

In a nursery, I presume playing with the children is the nice part of the job but everyone still has to pitch in with a lot of admin tasks and tidying that have to be done in and around engaging with the children. Otherwise, others may see you as cherrypicking the nice aspects of the job and leaving them with the less attractive aspects that still need to be done.

How experienced are you in a nursery setting to be able to see these tasks without them being pointed out to you. Can you see why you were asked to put something elsewhere to begin with?

Perhaps you would be better in a permanent role rather than lots of temp roles or go self-employed/freelance as a nanny as another poster suggested, which gives you more control over your work environment and able to learn in a more structured manner. The point about temps generally being a burden to existing staff is unfortunately something I recognise. It can be overcome by the temp being pro-active i.e. asking before being asked but it can be intimidating in an environment where everyone is rushing. I do sympathise as a fellow introvert.

Just my experience, but working in nurseries can be very, very cliquey. If you don’t fit in you’re sort of ostracised. You also often need to have a certain type of personality, quite bubbly and a bit of a ‘do-er,’ the type that will just get stuck in rather than waiting to be told to do something.

It sounds like they were rude, whispering about you behind your back, but it’s hard to tell if they feel you’re not pulling your weight. There’s a polite and professional way to deal with that though, but if it’s coming across that you resent being told to do things that might be feeding into it? Perhaps you could ask the manager of your next placement for a bit of feedback.

And in the nicest way possible, it’s so annoying when an agency staff plonks themselves down to play barbies or whatever for extended periods of time. Yes, playing with the kids is important, but when I’ve covered at other nurseries I always say shall I clean up/sort the room/get kids dressed for outside/do nappies etc so the regular staff can play with the kids and they are able to do observations and next steps, rather than me playing uselessly. Basically I do the work anybody could do, so they can play with the kids who they know and get that bit of the job done.

I’m unqualified so I’m not allowed to do nappies etc and same for the paperwork. Only permanent staff know what to do and can do it so I’m limited to playing with the kids and cleaning up etc. Which I get might be frustrating for them as I’m essentially just another body in the room.

I don’t think it’s about lacking initiative or being more assertive. There are many different jobs in many different fields and there are always some people who think they are more superior than others. Nothing really to do with work, more about personality. Life’s too short, work for yourself, I’ve never looked back.

OP, do you do a lot of nursery temp work? Would it make sense to get qualified so you are able to be of more help to the room and even go permanent at some point?

I usually do TA work, the youngest I have worked with before are reception aged children and this is actually my first time at a pre school/nursery.
I’m not sure I would like to qualify and I think school settings suit me better, but I’m glad I’ve had the experience now and would be happy to try different places.

If this is your first time in a nursery setting, then I suspect you are too green to be of real help. The other rude staff may not have known that and mistakenly thought you should be helping out more in the stuff you could do but did not offer to. Nursery environment would be different from a reception environment. It could be that the other temp was more experienced in a nursery setting and could do things without being told or ask the right questions to be useful.

At least you have tried a nursery and now can make an informed decision whether it is right for you. I do think that as an introvert, you will feel more comfortable in a setting which you know your way around a bit better and have an opportunity to become an expert in how things work without having to rely on others to show you the ropes. Temping will be inherently more stressful than a permanent role. I don't know whether temping is a choice (some people do prefer to temp) or has been forced on you by circumstance.