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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this man stingy?

62 replies

oreo2020 · 21/07/2021 21:03

Asking for a friend.

She has been exclusively dating this man for nearly a year.

He got ill with Covid but his business is still running so he asked my friend if she could get some supplies for him from a supermarket. She of course was happy to help out.

She then drove to a specific supermarket and then to him to deliver the supplies to his front door. The receipt came up to £43.90. He transferred her exactly that.

I cannot helped thinking that for all the mileage she's done (15 miles altogether perhaps?) he should have at least rounded up to £45. Or £44. Or offer to cover the fuel. I don't know. It seems stingy to me.

If they go out they normally split the bill or alternate paying.. he always seemed calculated, but fair... On this occasion I think it's a bit of red flag which I pointed out my friend.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 22/07/2021 14:51

Why are you so heavily involved in her relationship? That’s the bigger issue.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/07/2021 14:53

I've just seen it was for his business!! Of course he transferred exactly the right amount!! You were totally wrong to say it's a red flag (and may need to up the quality of your chats with your friend).

Tiredandstressedworker · 22/07/2021 14:55

I would be more worried if he didn't transfer any money at all to her.

RandomLondoner · 22/07/2021 15:06

I completely disagree.

Firstly, if he's only reimbursing for groceries, the only reason for rounding up to give an extra 50p or £1.50 would be if paying with cash and neither recipient nor receiver can be arsed with calculating and finding small change. If he's paying by transfer, then there's no reason to type in anything other than the amount owed.

If he is going to give her extra money, then the amount needs to be something like ten pounds or more. Giving her 50p or £1.50 would be hugely insulting.

Calculating what to give someone (if you feel you should give something) is difficult, possibly even stressful. It would be very easy to give double or half what they think is reasonable. In a relationship it makes much more sense to just mentally owe them a favour.

I wouldn't give or expect money (other than the exact amount owed) in this scenario.

RandomLondoner · 22/07/2021 15:12

The idea of rounding up to the nearest whole number only makes sense for cash payments. The people who would transfer £1 instead £0.99 are using their cash-based custom in a context where it no longer serves any purpose.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 22/07/2021 15:13

The easiest and most sensible thing given that he's got Covid would be to book a supermarket delivery of the things he needed, distanced to not expose the delivery driver to risk. Of course then he'd have to pay a delivery charge, say £3-4 ish, on top. Wonder why he didn't do that?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/07/2021 15:14

@Bluntness100

Why are you so heavily involved in her relationship? That’s the bigger issue.

"friend" 😏

Direstraitsmates · 22/07/2021 15:17

It is fine. I think it is stranger waiting for your petrol money for doing your partner a favour.

Flowers500 · 22/07/2021 15:37

WTF how is this a red flag? Also he probably paid from a business account??? I'd pay the exact amount, then get them a drink or something for thanks later on. But I'd find it patronising if my BF tried to give me a tip when I'm not his employee????

SpeckledlyHen · 22/07/2021 15:39

@19lottie82

DH and went out buying teachers gifts today and the shop was having trouble with my Amex card so DH paid and I said I would transfer the amount to him when ^we got back.

It came to £22:95 but he said just give us
£20.

See, I think this is really bizarre! There’s no way I would bother asking for £20 back from my DH and vice versa 😕

I think this is bizarre also.

NatSab · 22/07/2021 15:47

Seems an odd thing for you to be worried about! He gave her what she spent.. totally normal!

Nietzschethehiker · 22/07/2021 15:53

My DF is like this. In fact financially he is incredibly generous (I mean there is a lot of other issues but financially ). He is incredibly literal. He would have less than no issue if you said it cost me 48.50 (or whatever) for the food and 11.20 for the petrol. That is exactly what he would transfer. My DM would round it up. Df would not begrudge the money at all but his brain works on specifics. It doesn't matter if you asked him for 55.60 or 5000.60 , he would transfer you exactly that.

Definitely not necessarily a red flag at all.

If I'm honest I've fallen into the same trap if I'm busy with other things. DP will say he needs something for 8 pounds. I will happily tell him to take my card and go and spend what he needs and I would not care in the slightest how much but if he asks me to transfer and I'm busy or working it will stick in my brain the amount and I will transfer him exactly that. He knows I would give him every penny I had (excepting if DC needed it ) if he needed it but my brain doesn't work with implied things if I don't really concentrate and analyse it.

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