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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this man stingy?

62 replies

oreo2020 · 21/07/2021 21:03

Asking for a friend.

She has been exclusively dating this man for nearly a year.

He got ill with Covid but his business is still running so he asked my friend if she could get some supplies for him from a supermarket. She of course was happy to help out.

She then drove to a specific supermarket and then to him to deliver the supplies to his front door. The receipt came up to £43.90. He transferred her exactly that.

I cannot helped thinking that for all the mileage she's done (15 miles altogether perhaps?) he should have at least rounded up to £45. Or £44. Or offer to cover the fuel. I don't know. It seems stingy to me.

If they go out they normally split the bill or alternate paying.. he always seemed calculated, but fair... On this occasion I think it's a bit of red flag which I pointed out my friend.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 21/07/2021 21:35

If a mate did that for you, you'd automatically add on a tenner to cover time and petrol - wouldn't you? Surely? Even if you gave that tenner seperately.

Then again, I'm not tight. I guess quite a few people are then.

Additionally as per usual are giving leeway because it's A MAN.

They split the bill on dates too?

Future flatmates...

BrilliantBetty · 21/07/2021 21:36

I'd have rounded up, too. But perhaps he's paying from his business card and needs the figure to match receipt.

BrilliantBetty · 21/07/2021 21:36

Let's hope he said thank you!!

Anonymous48 · 21/07/2021 21:40

To be honest, splitting the bill on dates when you've been dating a year seems really strange to me. Wouldn't you take it in turns?

MichelleScarn · 21/07/2021 21:41

The definition of red flag seems to ever stretch.....

Branster · 21/07/2021 21:44

If he paid from his business account for business purposes of course it will be to the penny to match the receipt.
He'll probably make up for it in other way, a random gift, gratitude, flowers just because etc.
I personally wouldn't like receiving more than the receipt total, wouldn't even cross my mind! It's a favour for a friend in need, more than happy to use my own petrol and time.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/07/2021 21:52

@MichelleScarn

The definition of red flag seems to ever stretch.....
It's a red 10*10m tarpaulin now😁
ahoyshipmates · 21/07/2021 21:55

Business accounts are allowed to include expenses for fuel.

He just sounds like a tight-fisted git to me.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 21/07/2021 21:56

Yeah it's stingy.

DH and went out buying teachers gifts today and the shop was having trouble with my Amex card so DH paid and I said I would transfer the amount to him when we got back.

It came to £22:95 but he said just give us £20.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/07/2021 21:57

@ahoyshipmates

Business accounts are allowed to include expenses for fuel.

He just sounds like a tight-fisted git to me.

Yeah but you should still be able to prove them somehow
SoniaD · 21/07/2021 22:03

Omg who cares? She should charge her bf for mileage?! What kind of relationship
Is that?! She told him how much it cost and he paid her. End of story and no need to create drama.

Suprima · 21/07/2021 22:40

@SoniaD

Omg who cares? She should charge her bf for mileage?! What kind of relationship Is that?! She told him how much it cost and he paid her. End of story and no need to create drama.
I reckon he’d charge her mileage based on further posts..

‘Just how his mathematical brain works’ Wink

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 21/07/2021 22:44

@ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff

Not a red flag per se but it amuses me when people transfer the exact amount down to the penny, I don't know why. I always round up to the pound. My flatmate bought a film off my Amazon account and transferred me the exact 99p. Yes it was 99p but I probably would've transferred a quid.
Se I always wonder if I should round up, but then I think we'll why would I because its not like they have to go and try and find me change like with cash and you just say "oh don't worry, its only 50p" etc. There's no need to round up when sending money.
HollowTalk · 21/07/2021 22:52

@GrandDuchessRomanov

Yeah it's stingy.

DH and went out buying teachers gifts today and the shop was having trouble with my Amex card so DH paid and I said I would transfer the amount to him when we got back.

It came to £22:95 but he said just give us £20.

That's even weirder, though, if the children belong to both of you.
Divebar2021 · 21/07/2021 22:52

@GrandDuchessRomanov

I can’t believe you would pay your DH anything at all!!! He can buy the teacher gifts surely - even if you don’t have shared finances.

I really can’t stand people who are pernickity about money. I don’t care if someone has a mathematical brain or not the thought of them sitting in the restaurant splitting the bill down to the last penny is so unattractive. I’d rather just pay the damn thing myself. Much better to loosely ( not rigidly) alternate.

NewlyGranny · 21/07/2021 22:57

She should invoice him for her travel. 40p a mile is a reasonable minimum. It's not just fuel, is it, it's wear and tear. 40p is what I charge my business. Might be time to look at that again. 😉

Sandinmyknickers · 21/07/2021 23:01

If your friend wanted a contribution to mileage she could have asked (doesn't have to be awkward, just a heads up that she's out of pocket). I don't think you can blame someone for not doing exactly what you'd do and then not being a mind reader.
I round up when I owe people money, but also I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to pay for my time of doing him a favour. I'm sure he would do me one back when the situation arises
(Havibg said that, we clearly live in very different places as I live in a city and can't fathom how a round trip to a supermarket would be 15miles and am not even sure what petrol cost that would be. I always offer to pay petrol on the odd occasion a friend will drive us somewhere, but I am dependent on them telling me how much that is as I have no clue as I rarely drive. Your friend should have just specified how much he owed her but she chose to only specify the shop cost. She could have said something like "it came to 43.90 and probably about and extra fiver in petrol..so around 48 quid"

Saidtoomuch · 21/07/2021 23:07

I think it would have been weird to charge him mileage. He probably assumed she was getting a few bit and bobs for herself whilst she was there. She told him what it cost and he transferred it. Now I always tip the takeaway driver a couple of £, but it would feel a bit odd to tip a partner?

Ughmaybenot · 21/07/2021 23:11

@m00rfarm

if it was paid from the company account then he would have to transfer exactly what was on the receipt. what is the issue?
This.
Travielkapelka · 21/07/2021 23:19

It sounds completely normal and not remotely red flag. I would never expect my partner to pay me mileage, that’s just weird. Today I got my DP something he asked for which was £29. It’s not something I particularly want to pay for so I’ll ask him to transfer me, erm £29 and he’ll transfer me £29, not £30 and not an extra fiver for my effort

Freddiefox · 21/07/2021 23:25

@GrandDuchessRomanov

Yeah it's stingy.

DH and went out buying teachers gifts today and the shop was having trouble with my Amex card so DH paid and I said I would transfer the amount to him when we got back.

It came to £22:95 but he said just give us £20.

This is not an example of being generous. He’s your husband. They are his children’s teachers. He should not have asked for the money.
gamerchick · 21/07/2021 23:26

Loving the posts saying it's ok. Grin

As a pp said. She needs to ask him, if the situation was reversed, would he charge her for fuel. Since that's how his brain works.

Zorinindustries · 21/07/2021 23:36

If he would have rounded up to £44 as you suggest, OP, that would have been so so so patronising.
It would be almost understandable for cash, but to deliberately pay 10p extra on online banking would have felt like he was tipping a paperboy in the 1950s (here, lad, have 10p for your troubles. pat on the head )

19lottie82 · 22/07/2021 14:34

DH and went out buying teachers gifts today and the shop was having trouble with my Amex card so DH paid and I said
I would transfer the amount to him when
^we got back.

It came to £22:95 but he said just give us
£20.

See, I think this is really bizarre! There’s no way I would bother asking for £20 back from my DH and vice versa 😕

arethereanyleftatall · 22/07/2021 14:48

If I'd been with someone for a year, I wouldn't charge them for this, I'd just do it.

And, if they wanted to pay me paid me the exact amount, I wouldn't even think about it.

So, what's stingy for me here, is your friend. For giving this a second thought, and for complaining To a friend about it.