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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel now?

43 replies

RollinRollin · 21/07/2021 18:25

We usually have my DSC every Friday night. This week their Mum wanted to do something with them which was happening on that particular day so we were going to swap the day.

As we very rarely get time alone at weekend, my parents said they would have our baby (7 months) so me and DH could go out.

Unfortunately the plan for Friday has now been cancelled and DSC are with us as usual which is no problem of course.

DH wanted me to still let my parents have our baby so we could take DSC out somewhere alone, cinema or something. My parents would have still had baby.

However, I really don't want to do this. I was okay - ish at letting baby stay when I thought me and DH may get a rare date night but if DSC are going to be here anyway as normal I'd just rather baby be at home with me and so have told my parents it's okay but thanks for the offer.

DH thinks I'm being mean and the DSC would have liked some time alone with us however I don't feel it would have been enjoyable for me knowing I could have had my baby with us instead. I've told him he can take them somewhere himself I've absolutely no problem with that but I want baby with me if they are staying as I don't see the point of baby sleeping at my parents if that's the case.

Was I being unreasonable? He seems to think so.

OP posts:
Clymene · 21/07/2021 18:27

You're absolutely right. He can take his children out on their own. I'm sure they'd love to go to the cinema with their dad and go to Frankie and Benny's or something.

And now you have a credit with your mum and dad which you can use to go on a date night another evening.

Is your husband one of those men who's incapable of doing things with children on their own?

Hankunamatata · 21/07/2021 18:28

Take kids to cinema and pick baby on the day back?

altiara · 21/07/2021 18:28

Neither. But i would side on DHs side as it’s nice to do something different that you can’t take a baby to like the cinema.

Original poster
RollinRollin · 21/07/2021 18:29

@altiara

Neither. But i would side on DHs side as it’s nice to do something different that you can’t take a baby to like the cinema.
I don't have a problem with him doing that though, I can stay at home with baby if that's what he wants to do.
OP posts:
0None0 · 21/07/2021 18:29

You are absolutely right. Your baby should be with you, unless there is a very good reason not to be. This is not a good reason

Notaroadrunner · 21/07/2021 18:30

@altiara

Neither. But i would side on DHs side as it’s nice to do something different that you can’t take a baby to like the cinema.
Which he can still do.
Theunamedcat · 21/07/2021 18:31

What is his problem why doesn't he want to see his kids alone?

LagneyandCasey · 21/07/2021 18:31

I can understand why you don't want to leave the baby if you're not doing something alone with dh. He can entertain his dc himself surely.

starbrightstarlight8888 · 21/07/2021 18:32

I think it would be nice if you could all do something together that you couldn't do with a baby for a change. I do see where your dh is coming from.

EvilPea · 21/07/2021 18:34

I don’t think either of you are wrong.

I would however not want to put on your parents too much so would look at it as “banking” the baby sitting for a time when you can really make good use of it!

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 21/07/2021 18:35

Why doesn't he take them to the cinema by himself? I would be asking him why he's denying them a rare opportunity to have exclusive dad time all to themselves.

SummerHouse · 21/07/2021 18:35

Utterly nuts. Regardless of if this is your own DC or his, if you have one, you may as well have both. Save the babysitter offer for another day.

sammysnake · 21/07/2021 18:36

I think the swapped days should have remained as was because you had arranged your weekend around accommodating mum's original switch. BUT as that didn't happen then I think YABU. Your baby is young and will not mind a night with your DM, and it sounds as if you just don't want to spend time alone with your SDC who are old enough to appreciate the time alone. I would be quite resentful and hurt by your attitude if I was your DH.

RevolvingPivot · 21/07/2021 18:38

I think you should all go out for tea take the baby

frazzledasarock · 21/07/2021 18:39

Prior to seven months ago OP & her H we’re doing things with just them and the DSC.

Now OP wants to be with her baby if all the DC will be around. Why is that not acceptable?

The H can still take his DC out on his own to the cinema if he wants.

Your H is being run reasonable not you OP.

HideousKinky · 21/07/2021 18:49

Remind your DH that DSC might enjoy time with just their Dad. When mine remarried I remember wanting this, but rarely got it

Original poster
RollinRollin · 21/07/2021 18:58

@EvilPea

I don’t think either of you are wrong.

I would however not want to put on your parents too much so would look at it as “banking” the baby sitting for a time when you can really make good use of it!

This was what I said (although it's also because I just want to be with baby if we're not going out!).

He feels going out with DSC is making good use of it.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 21/07/2021 18:59

Your husband is being unreasonable. No reason he can't still do any of the things he'd suggested!

I doubt the DSC will be upset if you aren't sitting next to them in the dark in the cinema as well as their dad.

Is he one of those dad's who never wants to be alone with his kids?

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/07/2021 19:02

He thinks going out with the DSC is making good use of the time. I’d not like that at all. YANBU. He can go out with his kids. They need just dad time.

Original poster
RollinRollin · 21/07/2021 19:03

Tbh he isn't bad with always wanting us together and does do things alone with them. I think he saw this as a good opportunity for us to do something all together that we can't usually as I'd asked my parents already.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 21/07/2021 19:05

That's not a bad thing for him to think, but I still think YANBU as using a babysitter when you're going to have some of the children anyway is definitely a waste!

Original poster
RollinRollin · 21/07/2021 19:09

Your baby is young and will not mind a night with your DM, and it sounds as if you just don't want to spend time alone with your SDC who are old enough to appreciate the time alone

Well yes quite honestly I'd rather have my baby with me than go out with DSC when my husband can do that if he wants to. I'm not saying they can't go and do whatever it is they want to.

OP posts:
emilylily · 21/07/2021 19:15

YANBU. One option would be to take your DC to your parent's house for them to look after your baby for the duration of the length of a cinema trip or something or a trip to their favourite restaurant and then you could pick baby up on the way back.

Another is for your DH to take his other kids out whilst you stay in with baby.

Original poster
RollinRollin · 21/07/2021 19:17

@emilylily

YANBU. One option would be to take your DC to your parent's house for them to look after your baby for the duration of the length of a cinema trip or something or a trip to their favourite restaurant and then you could pick baby up on the way back.

Another is for your DH to take his other kids out whilst you stay in with baby.

I would much prefer option 2.
OP posts:
Original poster
RollinRollin · 21/07/2021 19:18

I just wouldn't be able to enjoy my evening knowing I'd needlessly left baby with my parents rather than having them myself.

OP posts:
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