AIBU to cancel now?

[RollinRollin]

We usually have my DSC every Friday night. This week their Mum wanted to do something with them which was happening on that particular day so we were going to swap the day.

As we very rarely get time alone at weekend, my parents said they would have our baby (7 months) so me and DH could go out.

Unfortunately the plan for Friday has now been cancelled and DSC are with us as usual which is no problem of course.

DH wanted me to still let my parents have our baby so we could take DSC out somewhere alone, cinema or something. My parents would have still had baby.

However, I really don't want to do this. I was okay - ish at letting baby stay when I thought me and DH may get a rare date night but if DSC are going to be here anyway as normal I'd just rather baby be at home with me and so have told my parents it's okay but thanks for the offer.

DH thinks I'm being mean and the DSC would have liked some time alone with us however I don't feel it would have been enjoyable for me knowing I could have had my baby with us instead. I've told him he can take them somewhere himself I've absolutely no problem with that but I want baby with me if they are staying as I don't see the point of baby sleeping at my parents if that's the case.

Was I being unreasonable? He seems to think so.

Can't you tell his ex that you've made plans and so can't have the children on Friday?

Why does his ex gets to call the shots? That's a bit unfair and the change should have remained the same. I would have been gutted!

She's does have a genuine reason tbf, she doesn't usually do this so we aren't annoyed about it or anything.

YANBU.

Let him take his children out on his own.

Going against the grain here - if I was your DH I would be hurt. He wanted to spend time with you and his children doing something you can't do with a baby, and it feels like don't like them enough to spend a few hours with them without their baby sibling.

I can see why he would like time without the baby to spend with his ds, but he can’t have it both ways. If he wants time alone with him then of course he can go alone

I’d have happily still had a baby free night and done something together with the older
kids, like the cinema as suggested. It’s also lovely for the DSC to see you still value a relationship with them and that it’s not all about the baby. I did activities that were not ideal for a baby with my older son so we handed baby over the the grandparents to have some quality time. I got masses of quality time with baby when the older one was at school etc so it seems fair to me.

You are totally not being unreasonable! Why would you leave your baby? If you had asked to leave DSC at their grandparents to have a night out with DH and DC you would get slaughtered on here!!!
DSC are there to spend time with DH if you were to separate (sorry not wishing it just for example) you wouldn’t get your DSC.
Being a Step parent of a mine field I am feeling your pain on last minute plan changes which you probably got no say in.

I did activities that were not ideal for a baby with my older son so we handed baby over the the grandparents to have some quality time.

He was your son though? I am very fond of my DSC but it's not the same relationship as you and your son being parent and child. I doubt they would care if I went or not.

@Planty13

I’d have happily still had a baby free night and done something together with the older kids, like the cinema as suggested. It’s also lovely for the DSC to see you still value a relationship with them and that it’s not all about the baby. I did activities that were not ideal for a baby with my older son so we handed baby over the the grandparents to have some quality time. I got masses of quality time with baby when the older one was at school etc so it seems fair to me.

Why does the OP need to prioritise her husband's children? They're his kids. I'd imagine they'd really value an evening with their dad alone.

Would the comparison not be your husband / partner expecting you to get someone else to baby sit your son so you could instead spend the evening with his.

Not unreasonable. I would want to prioritise time with my DC, not my husband's personally.

I agree with DH. DSS needs time with you both alone so they feel valued and wanted and loved for who they are by you both. It message you are giving is you do t want that. One evening apart from your baby is good for you all and the grandparents.

The DSC can have time alone with their Dad to feel valued and loved. I'm not sure why their step mum would need to be there.

One evening apart from your baby is good for you all

Except it's not for all is it because OP doesn't want a night away from her baby.

I can see both sides of it.

Are your parents excited/looking forward to having your LO overnight? If they are I'd let them still babysit (MIL always enjoys time with the kids way more than any night out I have - she just loves it).

@JustLyra

I can see both sides of it.

Are your parents excited/looking forward to having your LO overnight? If they are I'd let them still babysit (MIL always enjoys time with the kids way more than any night out I have - she just loves it).

They would have liked it yes and still would have but I also don't want to ask too often so I'd rather save it for when me and DH can do something.

Well they've booked the cinema now and tea afterwards, I'll be staying at home with baby. DH still things I'm awful. But I'm quite looking forward to an evening with DC on our own and I'm sure they will have a nice time together.

@RollinRollin

Well they've booked the cinema now and tea afterwards, I'll be staying at home with baby. DH still things I'm awful. But I'm quite looking forward to an evening with DC on our own and I'm sure they will have a nice time together.

Good for you. And I'm sure you're lovely but I would think they'll enjoy having their dad to themselves