Are other mums like this?!

[PumpkinKlNG]

Are all mums like this or is it just mine, no matter what happens or what I tell my mum she will always twist it on me to blame me, or she will always say what she would have don’t better than me and how whatever I did was wrong. Another example is that she buys my kids clothes sometimes and she has moaned in the past that she’s never seen them in them after, yet the other day she came and my daughter was wearing one of her dresses that she bought her, she said “You would think she has no other dresses, do you ever put her in anything else?” It was only the 2nd time she wore it basically I can’t do anything right, just wondering if other mums are like this?!

@pigsdofly

I was honestly asking if it was a medically proven part of ageing, but should have clarified that I know it doesn't apply right across the board to every person who gets older.

I'm sorry if I upset you.

I have a mil who is wonderful. A gran who is kind.

I was wondering if there was something that kicks in in some women, I've thought that perhaps my mother can't cope with things, is it dementia, is there a hormonal process or chemical difference in some people. That exacerbates something.

Sorry I wasn't clearer in my thoughts.

@marmaladehound why on earth are you letting that happen to your daughter?? Stop it now before her self-confidence is ruined

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

I know it’s not always this simple when it’s family, but honestly why would you entertain this? If a friend treated you this way would you continue to be friends with them? So why on earth tolerate it from the person who should love you more than anyone in the world? Have you ever stopped to consider that you’re not obliged to just meekly accept someone treating you so nastily, and in front of your child??? Tell her to get out of your house next time she’s so unpleasant!

This!

@thesunwillout

It's not an age thing. If you read the posts this criticism and negativity started when the posters were children therefore their mothers were of child bearing age and not old when it started.

My mother was 24 when she had me and she's been the same critical person all through my life. Although to be fair so has my father so I do think it may be a generational thing.

@thesunwillout

Well I take back that you don't sound 'nice or kind'; thank you for your response to my post.

There's so much ageism on MN, it's generally aimed at older women, I find it such a negative way to look at older people and I tend to jump on it, I'm afraid, in the same way I would jump on racism or sexism.

I do know that a lot of very old people can get a bit negative, but maybe their lives aren't great or they wake each day with aches and pains with not a lot to look forward to; it would probably get most people down.

Having said that, obviously that's never a reason to put their adult children down, ever.

I'm sorry if I sounded cross and unpleasant.

[quote Littleheart5]@marmaladehound why on earth are you letting that happen to your daughter?? Stop it now before her self-confidence is ruined[/quote]
Believe me I am trying and have been for years, including his sister and his mother! but yeah thanks for blaming me for my OH's behaviour!

I'm saddened to read about so many unkind/thoughtless parents on here...obviously we are all different, but it's still very sad to read 😢

My mum wasn't like this, and I'm not (as a mum of married children). I am their biggest champion...I can't imagine being anything else!

I'm so sorry that some of you have had such awful experiences...I wish I could put it right ♥️

@pigsDofly

Thanks for responding. Take care.

no-mine was an alcoholic who neglected her kids,drank herself senseless &we were homeless by mid-teens.
I swore id do better&fortunately have a pretty great relationship with my dc..
In your shoes id struggle to seea reason to maintain a relationship that is emotionally/mentally unhealthy.

I think it's just a personality trait rather than an age thing, my mum isn't like this. She's not perfect or anything, she does critisize at times, but it's more like occasionally overstepping rather than a seemingly compulsive need to do it.

Mine is so draining.79. Then comparisons x takes their mum away. I do think some are just used to their own set ways at this age. But maybe some people just difficult op. Husband mother so easy.

Yeah I think it's not at all down to age. It's more likely what they grew up with so kind of goes full circle without even thinking about it.

@MsTSwift

No mine is the direct opposite. Everything my sisters and I do is marvellous even if it’s things they previously disapproved of. I reckon if we became drug dealers mum would find a positive spin.

Same 😂

Hard to imagine why these mums are like this - unless they are perpetually anxious about their daughters,and/or subconsciouly very self-critical about how they brought them up.

Its tempting to suggest you say something like "it's ok mum, I've forgiven you for making such a terrible job of bringing me up. Obviously if you'd done a better job I wouldn't be making all these mistakes,but what's done is done eh?" But I doubt it would help in practice sadly!!. I suppose it might help to think it while they are going on though...

I wonder if grey rocking them might also be helpful. It would make it quite boring for them.

Btw it might be 'cultural' as in the culture of some families. But I don't think its generational. My parents were both born in the 1930s and were never like this.