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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague Humming

37 replies

MrsWarleggan · 21/07/2021 12:29

Posted here for traffic.

I can't handle it any longer! My colleague is a constant hummer. Unless she's talking and as soon as she stops talking, it's starts again immediately.

Often no tune, or noticeable song. Just humming.

I have done the right thing and spoken to my manager who has in turn spoken to her and she just said it's an anxiety thing and that she's always done it and she won't stop. My manager has offered support for her anxiety through work with different coping methods, but colleague said she doesn't think it's an issue and has refused.

It's like sensory torture. I'm currently sitting on my own outside at lunch and am in tears. I can't go back in the office. I've tried blocking it out but I can't. It's almost getting to the point that I want to leave my job.

AIBU?

OP posts:

MattDamon · 21/07/2021 12:35

Is there a solution you can suggest? You moving offices or WFH?

ApolloandDaphne · 21/07/2021 12:35

Can you ask to be moved desks or wear noise cancelling earphones and listen to music or white noise?

Original poster

MrsWarleggan · 21/07/2021 12:39

Unfortunately unable to work from home and due to covid all available offices are at max capacity.

I may have to ask it I can listen to some music. It was mentioned but I said no because I didn't think it looked professional. Think I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and do it.

I'm not the only person to mention it in the office

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 21/07/2021 12:41

If she won't take any support then your manager needs to support you and manage this woman's behaviour. I would ask your manager what she is going to do to make your workplace tolerable so that you are not reduced to tears at lunch. Can she move you to a different office, or further away? Put the humming woman in a sound booth?? Or some other reasonable adjustment to stop her anxiety behaviour impacting on everyone else.

AmyDudley · 21/07/2021 12:41

My XH used to do this - unless you have experienced it you have no idea how unbearable it is. Like your colleague my X refused to see it as a problem and refused to try to stop. It made my daughter ill having to hear that all the time.

I don;t think it is good enough for your manager to let her refuse to try to stop, and say it isn't a problem. Clearly it is a problem.
Your manager needs to insist that she tries some of the options stop this habit, or s/he needs to move the humming colleague or move you to a different area/office where you are not affected.

mygood · 21/07/2021 12:43

put music on or get earphones and listen to something nice instead of her humming.

ZaraW · 21/07/2021 12:44

My dad does, it is super annoying. We used to ask him to be quiet but he would just hum louder and tell us to stop being miserable. Some people just don't care about anyone else. YANBU.

AmyDudley · 21/07/2021 12:44

Just seen that it is affecting others as well - it's not good enough for you manager not to sort this problem out, the woman needs to be told that several people are having a problem with her behaviour and she needs to modify it, or she will have to work apart form everyone else.

Original poster

MrsWarleggan · 21/07/2021 12:51

@AmyDudley

Thanks for your experience. I would go as far as to say it's horrific. I don't think she understands that in its directly having an impact on my anxiety!! Dread going into work some mornings 🙄

I'm due for a catch up with my manager on Friday so will reiterate that I'm still not happy. I've text her and she's given me some bits to do out of the office for when I get back.

OP posts:

fairgame84 · 21/07/2021 12:57

My son does this. He has asd and can't help it. It is truly irritating and I feel for you but I'm not sure what can be done.
If he gets quite loud I tell him to do it more quietly and he will or he will do his tics instead.
Does even she realise she's doing it?

FlipFlops4Me · 21/07/2021 13:01

If you use bluetooth buds they are almost invisible under the hair; I wore them a lot when I was in the office. Now I'm permanently working from home so I don't get the noise problems but I feel your pain!

Confiscatedpopit · 21/07/2021 13:07

It’s a common thing in shared workplaces. Not just humming, people who give giving running commentaries of what they are doing to themselves, chatty Cathys and throat-clearing. Some can’t be helped and are subconscious I think. My headphones are always in my bag.

Guavaf1sh · 21/07/2021 13:18

I thought this was going to be related to the hot weather

angstriddenhipster · 21/07/2021 13:30

YANBU to be annoyed, it sounds v annoying, but you're not entitled to silence in a shared/open plan office so you probably can't demand anything be done, given that this woman can't help it. I think noise cancelling headphones or listening to music is probably the way forward, if you can't ask to move desks.

Chouetted · 21/07/2021 13:41

Just wear the headphones. Why would it be unprofessional? Would you say it would be unprofessional if a colleague had a sensory issue and wore them?

IMO it's more unprofessional to ignore an easy way of increasing your productivity and welfare.

BashfulClam · 21/07/2021 13:47

I had a colleague like that, I could tune her out but another colleague was really irritated by it. Mil has an awful habit of sort of humming/groaning and clicking her teeth constantly and it drives me mad. She can stop it but I have to sometimes focus on not shouting ‘stop making that noise!’

TimeIhadaNameChange · 21/07/2021 13:51

Interesting that she said a) she 'won't' stop and b) doesn't think it's an issue. If a) is actually what she said than she has a choice and is choosing not to, and how can b) be true since more than one person has mentioned it?

Your manager needs to step up and sort this out.

SpeckledlyHen · 21/07/2021 13:55

You have my sympathies OP. I definitely think I have mysophonia and worked in an office with a nervous cougher/sniffer/leg jiggler. I lasted about 5 days. My nerves were completely shot to pieces and I was in tears. This is not just "normal" office noise, that I can cope with but it was a certain person. I had nothing against them personally it was just the noise.

In reality not a lot could be done about it. I started to wear headphones and listen to music but that didn't help as I don't like listening to music either.

As it turned out I only did about 5 years and then changed jobs so was taken away from the situation but I could not have carried on.

Sorry that does not help you much - you can get white noise machines and also there are some head buds you can put in your ears from a company called Flare. They should help and are relatively cheap.

Brefugee · 21/07/2021 14:10

It is truly irritating and I feel for you but I'm not sure what can be done.

It's causing OP anxiety in her workplace so the employer needs to come up with a solution. Which, since it's affecting other people, may mean the colleague needs to be moved.

newnortherner111 · 21/07/2021 14:12

I think the refusal to address the matter should be taken further, as you have sought resolution in an amicable way. You are harassed by this, so put in a formal complaint. Especially as the person concerned refuses even to seek help of any kind it seems.

ILoveYouILoveYouIDo · 21/07/2021 14:20

It sounds like your colleagues suffer with Tics and as annoying as it is, it cannot always be controlled. I suffer with motor tics and it is very frustrating, its embarrassing, particularly when I know people notice and then mention it.
It usually happens when someone is highly stressed, so she could have a lot going on in the back ground that you don't know about. Please educate yourself.

I know it is damaging to you & very unfair on you too. I hope your manager can help you come up with ideas on what to do, going forward.

Original poster

MrsWarleggan · 21/07/2021 14:22

@SpeckledlyHen

That is absolutely fascinating. I will do some reading up on that. Never heard of it before. It's exactly like that.

@Guavaf1sh 🤣🤣

OP posts:

3Britnee · 21/07/2021 14:25

@MrsWarleggan

Posted here for traffic.

I can't handle it any longer! My colleague is a constant hummer. Unless she's talking and as soon as she stops talking, it's starts again immediately.

Often no tune, or noticeable song. Just humming.

AIBU?

I'd refuse to sit next to that. I've left a job before because I had to sit next to a constant noise maker. Humming, tapping, squeaking the chair, drumming fingers on the table, pen clicking. It was endless and unbearable.

SunnySideDownBriefly · 21/07/2021 14:26

I've got AirPod pros and you can put them in sound cancelling mode without having to play music. It mutes the world around you and they're really comfortable to wear.

Sympathy though because I would be massively triggered by this and it isn't fair that someone else's behaviour is impacting on your wellbeing. She needs to take responsibility for it. I'm guessing this is a tricky issue for HR to handle and it's easier to tell you to put up with it.

CremeEggThief · 21/07/2021 14:29

YABU. That's her coping strategy obviously. You need to work on finding your coping strategies to deal with it as your reaction is out of proportion.

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