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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moral Dilemma

32 replies

CantBelieveImHere · 21/07/2021 11:44

I very rarely post on here but do lurk a fair bit, but the last time I did I had some very helpful advice.
Now my dilemma is....
Someone I use to know spilt with her bf a few months back, he has moved on very happy.
BUT she is now going round telling people he use to physically abused her which I know is a major lie.
She has always been known to lie and spin any story to make herself look like the victim, so that she gets sympathy and attention.
Would I be unreasonable to tell him what lies she is spreading as this could have major ramifications for him and as a survivor of this kind of abuse myself I feel disgusted that anyone could lie about it.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 21/07/2021 11:46

How do you know it’s a lie?

Youarestillintherunning · 21/07/2021 11:50

How could you possibly know for sure if it's a lie? By telling him, you could be putting her in danger. Although, if she is telling mutual friends it could get back to him that way. I would stay out of it personally.

KrisAkabusi · 21/07/2021 11:50

If you know, and I mean KNOW, that its lies, then yes, he should know he's being slandered like that. But as the pp said, how do you know it's lies?

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 11:51

As others have asked... how do you know she's lying?

And when you say "going around telling people" what do you mean?

Original poster
CantBelieveImHere · 21/07/2021 11:52

Because I have known this person a long time and what she is capable of, and I have been on the receiving end of her abuse many times, that is why she is someone i use to know and currently have nothing to do with because of her abusive tendencies.
Plus people have witnessed her physically and verbally abusing her ex bf in public.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/07/2021 11:54

Stay out of it
You don’t know she’s lying

Original poster
CantBelieveImHere · 21/07/2021 11:56

@rishisboater

As others have asked... how do you know she's lying?

And when you say "going around telling people" what do you mean?

As in she is going round telling anyone that will listen that he use to beat her up.
OP posts:
Hopdathelf · 21/07/2021 11:57

Your second post makes it sound like you’ve got an axe to grind!

Stay out of it. If she’s as bad as you say, others will have been on the receiving end and know it’s a lie too.

Sparklesocks · 21/07/2021 11:58

I think the difficulty is you don’t know 100% if she’s lying.

Original poster
CantBelieveImHere · 21/07/2021 12:00

@Hopdathelf

Your second post makes it sound like you’ve got an axe to grind!

Stay out of it. If she’s as bad as you say, others will have been on the receiving end and know it’s a lie too.

No axe to grind at all, I've been to counselling about what happened to be and hope i was treated and don't think the 'he beat me' card should be used in this way. It has only all come out now as he's happy and having a baby, and she want's sympathy.
OP posts:
pineapplecat21 · 21/07/2021 12:07

YANBU. I knew someone who did this made out she got battered for sympathy and get people to do things for her when she didn't, he wasn't abusive at all. I told everyone the truth and she soon fessed up.
Lies ruin life's.

wallpapering · 21/07/2021 12:08

Someone you used too know but haven’t seen since? Has recently split from ex?

People have witnessed her? so you have heard from those people this?

Also who telling you she going around telling everyone? As surely people that told you witnessed doing same?

I’d stay out of it as it sounds like he said she said they said and neither of them are your friends I assume, which means you putting yourself in firing line and you don’t need it.

wallpapering · 21/07/2021 12:10

Another thing he might just want to distance himself far as possible from her, I hated hearing anything about my abusive ex

Willyoujustbequiet · 21/07/2021 12:13

You don't know it's a lie at all.

This is the problem with violence against woman and the woeful rape conviction rates. Stay the hell out of it.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/07/2021 12:14

Should you get involved with a situation you have no real idea about between someone you don't know and someone you don't like?

No.

Mydogisagentleman · 21/07/2021 12:16

Well said @Willyoujustbequiet.
Unless you have been with the people involved 24/7 you can only speculate

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 12:16

I think probably don't do anything. You don't absolutely know she's lying.

Let it get back to him if it's own accord which it will do if she's talking to lots of people

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2021 12:19

So to be fair you don’t actually know if it’s true or not you just don’t like her so assume it’s not and want to tell him? And if he is violent risk her getting hurt more?

I’d stay out of it, no matter how much you hate her.

WellLarDeDar · 21/07/2021 12:22

Stay out of it. But if you truly think she's lying, you have to admit you can't know for sure, I'm assuming there's a lot of context that we're not getting here, I would cut contact with her.

Whimsy14 · 21/07/2021 12:30

What would you expect the ex boyfriend to do about it, if you told him?
You sound as if you are wanting to stir up trouble. You say that it could have 'major ramifications' for him. But if lots of people know that the ex girlfriend is prone to lying, they would be wary of anything she says, surely?
Keep out of it, or you will come across as a carping, interfering busybody.

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/07/2021 12:30

Even nasty people can be the victims of abuse. Even people who are nice in one area of their lives can be an abuser in another. You don't know for sure.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/07/2021 12:31

This isn't a moral dilemma. It's just an exercise in minding your own business and staying out of it.

Original poster
CantBelieveImHere · 21/07/2021 12:32

Lots of context I haven't put here but I have taken everything on board and will be backing away 100% from the whole situation and everyone involved.
It will get back to him 100% and i truly believe this is another one of her lies but it will all come out but not by me by someone else that is for sure.
Thanks all

OP posts:
Wjevtvha · 21/07/2021 12:32

I don’t see how you know for sure that it hasn’t happened; she may not be a very nice person but it doesn’t mean that she is lying. Don’t get involved in something that you don’t know the full facts about

wanttomarryamillionaire · 21/07/2021 12:39

OP i get what your saying, used to have a friend like this. Normally I would say that no one knows what goes on in a relationship and no one can tell from the outside what does or doesn't happen. However if this particular " friend" told me that her dp had done this I would 100% not believe her! Ive seen exactly what she is capable of saying/doing! However i also wouldn't be involving myself by telling the ex dp what she is saying about him, just stay well clear of it.

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