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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu thinking this unusual?

40 replies

Ohfurflipsake · 21/07/2021 10:57

Smallish village so to be fair not a huge choice of friends so...
24 year old guy hanging out with 17 year old female cousin?
I'll be quite happy to be told iabu but personally for me at 24 I would have had no interest in my younger cousins other than the odd family gathering.
Would you find it unusual?

OP posts:
AperolWhore · 21/07/2021 11:00

I wouldn’t find it unusual, probably not the norm though. If they are cousins they could have been very close growing up, I have some cousins I speak to daily and others I only speak to at Christmas etc. They are our first friends apparently…

iklboo · 21/07/2021 11:01

I sometimes hung out with my much older male cousins. I knew them, we had lots in common, I felt safe with them and I knew they'd look after me.

Original poster
Ohfurflipsake · 21/07/2021 11:02

They didn't grow up together. He only moved to the village a year ago. Families haven't spent much time together over the years. Maybe that's why? Trying to bond

OP posts:
Farwest · 21/07/2021 11:02

Is there any reason to believe the relationship is inappropriate? Because if not, I do not see the problem.

FamishedAtAnAirport · 21/07/2021 11:03

No, I wouldn't find it unusual. But I also come from a small place. I know some cousins that are as close as siblings.

If they get on well, what does it matter that they are related and there is 7 years between them?

pinkyredrose · 21/07/2021 11:03

What is the problem with family members hanging out together?

ILoveYouILoveYouIDo · 21/07/2021 11:03

Would it be different if 17 year old was a boy as well?
My sibling (33) hangs out with our cousin (25) all the time. Both are men.

pinkcircustop · 21/07/2021 11:04

Why would you find it unusual? Confused They’re cousins.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/07/2021 11:04

I find it unusual You would find it unusual tbh.

Is this Your Boyfriend op?

Original poster
Ohfurflipsake · 21/07/2021 11:05

No nothing like that at all.

OP posts:
NotMyCat · 21/07/2021 11:05

It's fine. TBH I would think it's a good thing, I didn't spend much time with my cousin as an adult and he died 2 years ago age 33 and I miss him a lot

Original poster
Ohfurflipsake · 21/07/2021 11:09

Not my boyfriend no.... I'm in my 40s Grin

But a family situation and I just wondered if I was wrong thinking it unusual.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 21/07/2021 11:09

I used to hang out with my 28 year old cousins when I was 17. She took me clubbing. I wasn’t a young 17 having most of my friends 5 to 20 years older from full time employment rather than college. But I guess you wouldn’t question it being two girls.

melj1213 · 21/07/2021 11:20

I'm 32 and regularly have my cousins over to hang out. The youngest of my cousins is 15 so he doesn't tend to come over much but the rest are 18-29 and since my flat is in the town centre they will often come over on Saturdays, we'll have a takeaway and maybe a few games and then some will go out into town with their mates.

I tend to spend more time with my cousins who also have kids as we trade off babysitting or taking the kids on days out together but I still hang out with all of them regularly.

TroysMammy · 21/07/2021 11:28

I get on great with my cousins but we don't "hang out" together. I'm 53 and my oldest cousin is 75 with about 26 cousins of different ages in between.

MargaretThursday · 21/07/2021 11:34

Well cousins can marry...

Anyway my cousins range in age from around 6 years older than me to 18 years younger. If they'd lived locally I'd have probably hung round with them.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 21/07/2021 11:37

If my cousins lived closer we’d probably ‘hang out’. Don’t think it’s that’s unusual, especially in a small village.

Ponoka7 · 21/07/2021 11:38

My children have a ten year age gap and have always hung out together. He could fancy her and cousin marriages are legal, so strictly speaking, it's still nothing to worry about. If they've got shared interests, then even more so. I know the same age cousins, but same sex that hang out.

ApolloandDaphne · 21/07/2021 11:39

My DD is 28 and her DP is 33. They love hanging out with his 18yo cousin. They were all a bit upset when DD and her DP moved away but the cousin coincidentally is going to uni in the same city so they will be able to see her again. From what DD has told me they have loads in common with her and she is just fun to have around.

EileenGC · 21/07/2021 11:42

One of my best friends (I’m female, he’s male) is 6+ years older than me. We grew up together and when I was 17 he would’ve been 23, we used to ‘hang out’ a lot. Definitely wasn’t weird or anything other than friendship, despite the age gap.

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 21/07/2021 11:42

Just normal isn't it?

DancesWithTortoises · 21/07/2021 11:47

I've hung out with cousins of all ages. It's you that's odd not us.

Ozanj · 21/07/2021 11:50

even if they were dating what would be wrong in it? it’s perfectly legal for cousins to marry in this country and both of them are adults.

knittingaddict · 21/07/2021 12:21

My great grandparents were first cousins from the same small village. I guess they hung out quite a bit too.

Whatever is going on it's not illegal and not all that unusual.

knittingaddict · 21/07/2021 12:23

Do you consider the 17 year old vulnerable or the 24 year old dodgy? Id there anything in particular that makes you feel uncomfortable other than that they are cousins?

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