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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with mil regarding dds birthday?

34 replies

Jinnybean · 21/07/2021 06:57

It’s my dds 5th birthday today. Mil doesn’t really bother with the Dc tbh, we’ve seen her once this year. She lives 5 mins away and drives past our house to work.

Instead of dropping a card round and coming to see dd she’s posted it. She couldn’t even get her something little or anything.

I know I’m probably being ridiculous and selfish. :(

OP posts:
Sadiecow · 21/07/2021 07:02

Is this the only GC? Does she have others that she treats differently?

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 21/07/2021 07:03

YANBU to feel hurt and disappointed on behalf of your daughter.

Uramaki · 21/07/2021 07:03

Does she have other GC?
It's quite exciting to get something through the post when you are small.

TheMiMit · 21/07/2021 07:04

@Jinnybean

It’s my dds 5th birthday today. Mil doesn’t really bother with the Dc tbh, we’ve seen her once this year. She lives 5 mins away and drives past our house to work.

Instead of dropping a card round and coming to see dd she’s posted it. She couldn’t even get her something little or anything.

I know I’m probably being ridiculous and selfish. :(

You aren't bu. She sounds really disinterested. Is she like this with other things (does she have a close relationship with anyone in the family?)
MrsN100 · 21/07/2021 07:04

Yanbu. That's so upsetting. Has she always been this way?

autumnboys · 21/07/2021 07:06

I know people will say you shouldn’t expect anything, but yes, I would feel hurt by that. It sounds like it is representative of her overall
lack of interest.

Uramaki · 21/07/2021 07:06

If you've only seen her once this year has her son been inviting her round and she is declining or is he not inviting her? She might be waiting to be invited.

Bootskates · 21/07/2021 07:06

This would make me feel sad, but it does seem in line with her relationship with DD in general.

Is MIL close to your partner?

Happy Birthday to your DD CakeSmile Hope she has a lovely day. Try to put it out of your mind for now

Theunamedcat · 21/07/2021 07:07

My exes family were exactly the same would literally drive past my home to go too and from work (worked at the end of my road) never dropped a card off moaned they didn't get to see there only grandchildren never made an effort once

Uramaki · 21/07/2021 07:07

Some people would complain if the MIL kept inviting themselves round alot or popping in all the time unannounced so maybe she is waiting for you to ask her round?

Billandben444 · 21/07/2021 07:08

Taken out of context, yes it's very odd. What is she like with the rest of her family? If she seems to be excluding only your child, has her son talked to her about it? Hopefully your child will be inundated with cards and gifts from people who do care and won't even notice but I'd want it sorted for the future.

Original poster
Jinnybean · 21/07/2021 07:09

We have invited her round. She was supposed to
Come round the other week at 8am after she dropped her youngest (21) at work. But she never turned up, we messaged her at 9.30 and she said she will be round for 10. She never turned up and said she will rearrange as her freezer had defrosted itself..

It’s just upsetting :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Jinnybean · 21/07/2021 07:13

We went on holiday to Cornwall last week and she asked us to buy her a present, so my husband bought her a cornishware mug in her favourite colour..

OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 21/07/2021 07:13

I'd totally disengage with her. She's obviously not bothered and life is too short to get upset by people like this. If she's not been a big part of your daughters life, I doubt this will upset her, she'll most likely just think it's great she's got a card and then move on to interesting presents she's got. And a very happy birthday to your daughter!

wjg65ka · 21/07/2021 07:16

Yeah that'd bother me tbh I'd rather she just not bother at all

MrsClatterbuck · 21/07/2021 07:25

Well you know what to do next time she asks for a present. Very rude to do that.

Uramaki · 21/07/2021 07:26

Yeah she's rude.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/07/2021 07:46

It works both ways, if she lives so close and you’ve only seen her once then it would suggest that neither side pops to visit.

A card is fine, lots of people post cards as feel it’s more special.

Original poster
Jinnybean · 21/07/2021 07:54

Ermm we have tried..

OP posts:
2bazookas · 21/07/2021 08:11

I always post the DC's birthday cards (even though I'll see them on the day) because the kids LOVE to get something in the post. For exactly the same reason I also send them occasional letters, funny postcards etc.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/07/2021 08:14
Sad
tallduckandhandsome · 21/07/2021 08:17

Stop buying her anything. I hope you don’t facilitate Mother’s Day, Christmas etc presents.

Pinkdelight3 · 21/07/2021 08:25

If her youngest is only 21, is she quite young for a grandma? Doesn't mean she should be a crap grandma by any means, but does that explain her lack of interest, because she's been busy with her own DC so long she's not excited by the arrival of more? As you say she shows no interest, I guess it's a win that she's even sent a card, and as other say, posting can be more special for a little person who doesn't get post. But generally if she's not even called by in so long, then I'd dial all expectations down to zero from now on so there's minimal cause for upset.

OhRene · 21/07/2021 08:29

I live in the village next to my mum. She doesn't work so time isn't an issue. She has never popped round for a chat and a cuppa but she'll drive into our village daily for errands, or a takeaway etc. 3 grandkids who she claims over social media to dote on. She takes ZERO interest. She does pop over late in the evening on their birthdays when she happens to be picking her takeaway up and hands them a card with the envelope seal still wet. A card thats she's just bought in the village shop and signed in the car. Babysitting is rare (maybe half a dozen times in over 14 years) and only done if we really must go somewhere without children. Socialising or going on a date with DH doesn't really count.

PIL live a street away. They have never popped round for a visit or a cuppa. They take pretty much zero interest yet will share any "If you adore your grandkids..." meme on FB. Birthday cards are bought in advance so that's something be wrong have to go pick them up. They won't be delivered. Babysitting is rare. Again, like my DM, maybe half a dozen times in over 14 years. Again, only if necessary. Frivolous reasons like going for a meal out once resulted in near constant "Mind don't take too long!" Or "You must have finished you food by now, when are you back?" phone calls.

Kicker is, the kids are amazingly behaved. Literally no problem at all. Happy to sit and watch tv, or play a nice game or have a chat with the GPs. They even get on with each other like best friends.

It's sad and YANBU OP. It's such a shame when GPs don't give a shit. What is your MIL like on social media? Giving herself best gran awards?

OhRene · 21/07/2021 08:30

Be wrong? Thanks autocorrect **but we