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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my ticket

73 replies

FishintheStream · 20/07/2021 18:45

I am a member at a museum. I pay a (relatively large) sum of money annually which means myself and a guest can go to exhibitions without paying. I invited a friend to come to an exhibition with me. She said yes please, and then invited a mutual friend to join us. I said to both of them in a group chat that the extra ticket would be £20. They both said that was fine. I booked the tickets and paid the £20. The friend I had originally invited said, “thanks, that’s £6.50 each then” and they both immediately sent me £6.50! I feel so petty quibbling over £7, so I am not going to, but I really feel that I have already paid for the two tickets in the cost of my membership (they are not just “free”) and now I have to pay because my friend invited someone else AND I have ended up 50p more out of pocket because my friend can’t do maths! I will definitely make them buy me coffee and cake on the day, but AIBU to feel a bit put out?

OP posts:
mickeysminnie · 20/07/2021 19:44

A simple I have already paid for 2 tickets through my annual membership. This ticket and lunch are entirely on you.

unlikelytobe · 20/07/2021 19:44

I think timing is important here. How long ago was this decided, money sent etc? Have you talked with them since because you really needed to put them straight immediately their 'misunderstanding' occurred.

Don't ask for the extra £7, explain the membership and extra charge then suggest they get the coffee and cake.

Sally872 · 20/07/2021 19:48

That is frustrating, yeah you can all afford it and it feels petty to bring it up so not much you can do but I would he annoyed that they charging you for providing a free ticket!! And also if someone books you round up to £7 not down to £6.50.

PamTheSpam · 20/07/2021 19:48

I would tell them that tge£20 is for the extra ticket as you get two tickets with your membership
Tell them now before they start arranging more trips through you
Who gets to go to an exhibition for £6.50? they are having a laugh
Let them sort it out between them

Chikapu · 20/07/2021 19:54

How will you 'make' them buy you coffee and cake? Let it go and enjoy your day out.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/07/2021 19:54

I can't stand people who think that 'paid a lump sum upfront' = 'free'. If you'd cut out a free coupon for two people from a magazine, it would have been fair to split whatever the total entry cost was for your group (although still cheeky on the part of your friend to invite the other one without asking), but that's absolutely not the case.

It's like when two kids are given a same-size bag of sweets, one wolfs them all down and the other eats them sparingly to make them last - and then the other one wails that "It's not fair!!!" - because you have sweets and they don't, so 'you should share yours out equally'. But that's kids, not supposed grown-ups.

Flip it around and divide your hefty monthly fee by 12/6/3/1 (depending on the period elapsed since you last visited), which is the baseline cost for this visit, then add on the £20 for the third person - that's the actual cost for this visit - so if it's, say, £200 a year for membership and you've not been for six months (very likely considering all the covid restrictions), the total cost of the visit is £120. You paid, so they owe you £40 each. Is that fair? No less fair than what they've just assumed.

In fact, I'd liken it to 7 friends having planned and hired a 7-seater car for a joint trip and then one of them unilaterally inviting an 8th person, meaning that you now need to hire two cars (not to mention having to share the driving between 4 rather than 7 and not getting the cameraderie of all travelling in the same vehicle), thus doubling the cost for everybody. It's just not on.

CassandraTrotter · 20/07/2021 20:00

Thanks for the £6.50 but I think you've misunderstood: I already have bought a ticket for x exhibition for myself. The £20 is the extra cost for you two.
I think this explains it well.

Mansplainee · 20/07/2021 20:17

No, I really wouldn’t say anything. Obviously they’ve just misunderstood. £7 is a small price to pay to avoid the awkwardness of having to explain your museum pass and ask them to transfer £3.50. It’s not a lot of money OP, seriously just let it go.

CastawayQueen · 20/07/2021 20:23

How long ago was it?
Just tell them
I don’t know why people care about being petty - why is being asked for money you’re owed bad? Nobody deserves anything for free

CastawayQueen · 20/07/2021 20:25

Also to add OP depends on the kind of friends they are.
I have friends who wouldn’t care and I know made a genuine wrong assumption. I’d let it slide
Some friends I know are CF’s and I will chase them for every penny because they’d happily dip their hand into my purse and seal theirs up tighty tight

sbhydrogen · 20/07/2021 20:28

Lol, bit awkward but I've already paid for my ticket so it's £10 each. Thanks 😘

mrsm43s · 20/07/2021 20:29

Technically you're right. But its £7. Probably less than the cost of a cup of coffee and a slice of cake, and definitely less than the cost of lunch!

Unless I was truly on the breadline (which I think you have confirmed you're not) I'd chalk this one down to experience and consider an extra £7 to be a small price to pay for a lovely day out with friends. Don't give it another second's thought or it will ruin your day.

If you have the luxury of being able to afford to do so, it is often more important to be kind than it is to be right.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/07/2021 20:44

What happens if they decide they want to go again, though, as they believe 'it's only £6.50' each? If they are CFs, they'll probably play the 'well, you didn't say anything last time - you've made this very awkward' card and, if they just genuinely didn't think, they could be mortified at having misunderstood before.

What if they decide at the last minute to invite a 4th or 5th person? Five people, OP would end up double-paying again to the tune of £12 - or probably £15 if relying on the maths of the same person as before.

Not quite the same thing, but some friends of mine were living in a student house together - four of them - and one of them arrived a week before the others with her black and white TV (this was 25 years ago), for which she'd bought a B&W licence, knowing full well that the others wanted a colour one. She then proceeded to protest that she shouldn't have to pay any extra, as she had already paid - and she was furious when they told her she shouldn't be sitting in the living room and watching the colour set - especially when alone and she decided to switch it on.

She was quite dim, as a quarter share of a colour licence cost quite a bit less than a B&W licence - but she saw herself throwing the extra money away as having more than paid her share and was most put out that the others wanted her to contribute to the necessary licence (which would also have included her B&W set in it, but it obviously didn't work the other way around).

NoProblem123 · 20/07/2021 21:18

Sorry but I’m struggling to get past the fact they invited someone else 1- without checking it was ok & 2- clarifying the cost implication.

For context, is your friend a bit cheeky usually?

Andylion · 20/07/2021 21:32

Thanks for the £6.50 but I think you've misunderstood: I already have bought a ticket for x exhibition for myself. The £20 is the extra cost for you two.

Except isn't the £20 just for the third ticket?

TwoLeftElbows · 20/07/2021 21:33

@CassandraTrotter

Thanks for the £6.50 but I think you've misunderstood: I already have bought a ticket for x exhibition for myself. The £20 is the extra cost for you two. I think this explains it well.
I think you could do this, with something like "don't worry about it now but you owe me one" .

The paying only a third could be a genuine mistake but the fact they've paid small thirds and left you with the bigger portion makes me think CF, even though it's trivially different.

CassandraTrotter · 20/07/2021 21:42

@Andylion

Thanks for the £6.50 but I think you've misunderstood: I already have bought a ticket for x exhibition for myself. The £20 is the extra cost for you two.

Except isn't the £20 just for the third ticket?

Yes. For the third ticket of the person the friend asked without op’s agreement.
Original poster
FishintheStream · 20/07/2021 22:00

Thanks for all the replies! Glad to hear I am not being unreasonable - I was genuinely wondering if it would be normal to split it three ways and I was being ridiculous. I will definitely not be asking them for more money. They are not cheeky. Friend 1 is just a bit oblivious about lots of things - hence inviting Friend 2 and coming up with £6.50 each. Friend 2 is less oblivious but will assume I have already made the plans/determined how to split the cost with Friend 1 and will have just paid the stated amount quickly because she didn’t want me to be out of pocket. If we do end up doing it again it will be far enough in the future that no one will remember the payment arrangements, so I don’t anticipate awkwardness there. And I am 99% sure one of them will offer to pay for my coffee/cake/whatever, recognising that they got to go for

OP posts:
CastawayQueen · 20/07/2021 22:01

@mrsm43s

Technically you're right. But its £7. Probably less than the cost of a cup of coffee and a slice of cake, and definitely less than the cost of lunch!

Unless I was truly on the breadline (which I think you have confirmed you're not) I'd chalk this one down to experience and consider an extra £7 to be a small price to pay for a lovely day out with friends. Don't give it another second's thought or it will ruin your day.

If you have the luxury of being able to afford to do so, it is often more important to be kind than it is to be right.

Wrong - being kind is more important only when the beneficiaries aren’t CF’s. Otherwise you get labelled as a soft touch and they just keep trampling all over you. There are people whose company I enjoy because of similar interests but am under no illusions regarding their character. I’d never give them the benefit of the doubt because I know what they’re like. Other people I trust and have happily taken a £10 hit knowing that they would do the same. Or at least not expect it all of the time. The expectation setting is key. How they react to your request shows character. People who complain about ‘tightness’ are normally the ones who divide a bill down to pennies when it’s in their favour, and keep quiet otherwise.
CastawayQueen · 20/07/2021 22:02

[quote FishintheStream]Thanks for all the replies! Glad to hear I am not being unreasonable - I was genuinely wondering if it would be normal to split it three ways and I was being ridiculous. I will definitely not be asking them for more money. They are not cheeky. Friend 1 is just a bit oblivious about lots of things - hence inviting Friend 2 and coming up with £6.50 each. Friend 2 is less oblivious but will assume I have already made the plans/determined how to split the cost with Friend 1 and will have just paid the stated amount quickly because she didn’t want me to be out of pocket. If we do end up doing it again it will be far enough in the future that no one will remember the payment arrangements, so I don’t anticipate awkwardness there. And I am 99% sure one of them will offer to pay for my coffee/cake/whatever, recognising that they got to go for

AlexaShutUp · 20/07/2021 22:14

YANBU. Definitely ensure you get a coffee and a cake out of them!

TolkiensFallow · 20/07/2021 23:31

This is one of those situations that no one has thought through. You shouldn’t pay for them but they’ve probably misunderstood rather than being deliberately cheeky - they’ve ensured they’ve paid up what they think they owe so I guess it’s up to you to correct them! I would correct them even if you don’t want the money as you don’t want this to happen again!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/07/2021 07:39

Even if they genuinely think the full cost is £20 to be split three ways, I still don't get how they arrived at £6.50 each, though. If you can't be faffed with pennies (didn't they pay electronically, though?), surely you would normally automatically just round up what you repaid, rather than down? I know it's only a small amount, but on principle, OP has taken the hit three times for the rounding.

tallduckandhandsome · 21/07/2021 07:43

Friend 1 is just a bit oblivious about lots of things - hence inviting Friend 2 and coming up with £6.50 each.

They’re not oblivious OP. They’re deliberately reducing ehat they pay so you pay more.

Choose the most expensive coffee and cake and make them pay.

If you won’t say anything this time, speak up next time!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/07/2021 07:49

I'd let this one go as it sounds like a misunderstanding rather than CF actions. I like to treat my friends so I'd just think of it as something nice I was doing for them.