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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to go away with my sister and our kids without our husbands?

40 replies

Holidaysanshusbands · 20/07/2021 12:09

I was going to take my 3 kids to visit my sister at her house for a few days (leaving my husband at home with our dog) but then thought it might be more of a break to go away to an Airbnb with my sister and her 2 kids. I found a suitable Airbnb that fit us all in, in a nice location and my sister was keen. However, her husband is now objecting to this arrangement and feels it is the most unreasonable suggestion he has ever heard to exclude him from a 3 night break. I don’t think it’s unheard of for one parent to take their kids away for a few nights but he tells me I am being unreasonable. So AIBU???

OP posts:
Terrazzo · 20/07/2021 12:10

So the husbands would have their houses to themselves for 3 nights. What the hell are they complaining about!!!!!

Puffthemagicdragongoestobed · 20/07/2021 12:12

My DH would be delighted GrinGrinGrin

pleasedonttextmyman · 20/07/2021 12:12

context needed.

One parent working, the other taking the kids away, perfectly normal.
One parent wanting peace and quiet, the other meeting up with a sibling (and kids), perfectly normal.

Family struggling financially and the only break doesn't include one of the parent, not so reasonable.

Depends what his reasons are - if he has any...

Takenoprisoner · 20/07/2021 12:13

I bet he's the sort who usually never bother with their kids, and now is feeling left out that his wife and dc might actually be having some fun without him.

Apologies if that's not the case, but some men are that type.

milkytwilight · 20/07/2021 12:13

If finances aren't a concern, then yes I think its perfectly reasonable to go without the husbands. If they can't afford a family holiday or 2nd weekend away together and this would be the only holiday budget they have, then I'd say its fair they should be able to come together.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 12:13

Does he get a break away with them? Because if not, I can imagine why he would not want to stay at home. Otherwise yanbu. Mum often went on breaks with us and friend when dad was at work. We had then also breaks together

Original poster
Holidaysanshusbands · 20/07/2021 12:15

@pleasedonttextmyman my sister is a teacher so off for the summer holidays and her husband has been unemployed for a year but has no financial incentive to get a job (he works in IT and has quite a stash of bitcoins!) They haven’t booked a holiday for the summer but not through lack of financial means.

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 20/07/2021 12:15

Was it presented to him as a fait accompli? That would annoy me. Having a discussion is different. Particularly with leaving a pet to look after.

Howshouldibehave · 20/07/2021 12:15

@pleasedonttextmyman

context needed.

One parent working, the other taking the kids away, perfectly normal.
One parent wanting peace and quiet, the other meeting up with a sibling (and kids), perfectly normal.

Family struggling financially and the only break doesn't include one of the parent, not so reasonable.

Depends what his reasons are - if he has any...

100% this.
freelions · 20/07/2021 12:16

Agree with @pleasedonttextmyman

If they rarely get away as a family then I can see why he is miffed to be excluded

If they already have a family summer holiday booked and finances are not stretched then sounds like he is being unreasonable

I guess it also depends on his personality. Some people don't value time alone.

Whiskycav · 20/07/2021 12:17

I think its completely different in different set ups.

Money can be a factor. Fairness can be.

My exh hated me going away without him. But then wanted to go away without me. So sometimes it's just a double standard.

StevenYerTeasReady · 20/07/2021 12:22

If her husband is unemployed, then by definition he does not work in IT. He doesn't work in anything.

Twoforthree · 20/07/2021 12:23

Say it’s an early birthday/Xmas present to them.

strawberrydonuts · 20/07/2021 12:23

If they want to come then I think YABU to exclude them.

It's inconsiderate to just plan it all without even saying anything about it and seeing if they want to come. Are they not part of your family? Confused

If you want a holiday with just your sister for whatever reason, there's nothing wrong with that but I think you've gone about it in the wrong way. To avoid being hurtful you should both have had chats to your husbands about it before planning it to see how they felt about it.

Tbh I can see why anyone's spouse might be a bit miffed that the pair of you have gone and planned a whole holiday, including finding an AirBnb, without even talking to them about it.

vivainsomnia · 20/07/2021 12:26

They haven’t booked a holiday for the summer but not through lack of financial means
Why not then? It is a bit strange that she would go and organise to go away with you but not plan anything as a family together. Maybe that's what he's upset about.

Fernando072020 · 20/07/2021 12:32

I wouldn't exclude my husband if he wanted to come then again, your sister could always plan another break with her kids and husband so he doesn't feel he's missing out on a holiday?

Howcanthisbe123 · 20/07/2021 12:35

If it’s going to be their only family holiday then I agree with him as I wouldn’t want to be left out.

Tellhimheisnotgoing12 · 20/07/2021 13:45

Tell her she should go and if he wants a holiday with the kids and her then he should take the incentive and book one.

User7312019 · 20/07/2021 15:05

YABU because it doesn’t really matter what anyone else would do - your husband has said he’s not ok with it.

Personally I would hate to miss out on a holiday with my children and my husband would be just as disappointed, so it’s not something we’d consider.

HerrenaHarridan · 20/07/2021 15:39

Fuck sake... I hate when mono couples act like they only come as a package deal

You invited your sister, not him.

He needs to get a grip

billyt · 20/07/2021 16:03

Perhaps he thinks he'll have to fend for himself if your sister stays elsewhere, rather than being 'looked after'.

Twat

mindutopia · 20/07/2021 16:08

Dh and I go away all the time without the other. Honestly, I love BIL but it’s great for Dh and his brother to have time alone together. And god, if they’d take the dc too. That would be fantastic! I’d love 3 days home alone.

KingdomScrolls · 20/07/2021 16:09

If I wasn't working and my husband wanted to go away with my son without me, i'd feel a bit put out (unless it was camping which I hate and he knows I hate but his family love), what am I meant to do for a week? It's not like it'll be a break if he's not even working so doesn't need a break, I also don't want to be away from my child unless it's necessary. I'd be happy for my husband to go away with his brother and leave DS with me, but it feels like a family holiday excluding certain members of the family.

BillyWhozz · 20/07/2021 16:18

@billyt

Perhaps he thinks he'll have to fend for himself if your sister stays elsewhere, rather than being 'looked after'.

Twat

Or perhaps he's genuinely disappointed at not getting to spend some time away with his kids.

Bit of a leap there.

Comedycook · 20/07/2021 16:20

Oh I'd much rather go away with my sister than my dh Grin. He'd love it if I did and could have the house to himself!