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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to keep her off in this extreme heat?

91 replies

Lookingforadvice2 · 19/07/2021 16:39

We live down south, temperatures hitting 30+ and have actually had a weather warning for small children and vulnerable people staying safe because of high risk of sun/heat stroke etc.

DD has autism and has struggled with the heat the last few days, and also has eczema and the heat has made her skin incredibly itchy too.

She’s only got 4 days left of term, and temperature is meant to be dropping on Thursday/Friday so she could go back in then, but WIBU to keep her off tomorrow and Wednesday when the temperature is meant to be even hotter than today?

There’s been some issues with her school anyway so I don’t have very good communication with them, and I don’t know what is being put in place to keep the children cool in school.

DD was quite poorly over the weekend due to the heat, so I’m worried, and was thinking it would be easier for her to relax at home without having to wear clothes and to air her skin a bit to avoid a full on flare.

I’m at home all the time anyway due to being her carer so it makes no difference to me in terms of work etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookingforadvice2 · 19/07/2021 17:45

Yes I must admit, even though they do provide a lot of support for DD and are a specialist setting (we only have 1 school within 30 miles for my DD’s level of disability) but there has been ongoing issues in terms of how DD copes there, I don’t always agree with them and have had to stand my ground a few times where DD is concerned and what’s best for her and there has been a few times where I have questioned their judgement on things (all children in class have disabilities and tend to put things in mouth etc and they had extremely small toys out for children to play with which DD got lodged up her nose and ended up in A&E, and they left DD screaming in pain with a stomach problem for over an hour before calling me to collect her even though they admitted they knew it was getting worse in this time frame) x

OP posts:
Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 19/07/2021 17:46

If it was me I would be keeping her home. You have already mentioned that she is struggling with the heat, that her eczema is flaring and her bottom is sore from urine. She must be so uncomfortable. What are the chances that if she did attend school that they would be calling you to collect her and bring her home anyway because of her 'behaviour'. Keep her home and comfortable.

MadeOfStarStuff · 19/07/2021 17:47

She’s only five and it’s genuinely making her ill, keep her home!

Original poster
Lookingforadvice2 · 19/07/2021 17:48

@LtDansleg

With the ops update I actually agree with her now if she’s struggling with pull ups. Can the school really not be trusted to use some common sense?
It’s affecting her in that area but also all over too, and I thought it would be better for DD to just stay at home until weather has cooled off at the end of the week so she can stay at home and not have to wear a pull up or clothes and to air her skin out, which obviously she hasn’t got the option of at school because they won’t allow her to not wear anything down below and even the thinnest summer dress I have got for school is irritating her skin x
OP posts:
FeltCarrot · 19/07/2021 17:53

I work in Reception 70children, it was hellish today trying to keep them all on continuous provision somewhere in the shade. We ended up turning the hose pipe on them for a while. By the afternoon, they were hot, and miserable and just wanted to be home. So yes, keep her off!
She’s likely not missing much these last few days anyway.

AGirlCalledJohnny · 19/07/2021 17:54

[quote LtDansleg]@AGirlCalledJohnny yes, I read the thread. I wasn’t aware having autism meant that you can’t go to school when it’s hot. My daughter has extremely severe eczema, allergies and hay fever. She needs eye drops applied in school 3 times a day during summer, it absolutely torments her to the point where she gets her work read to her when her eyes are too swollen to see the board. I wouldn’t stop her attending school though, we deal with it. She’s just as uncomfortable at home as she is at school.[/quote]
Appreciate you weren't 'aware autism could keep you off school', and I feel very sorry for your DD, my DH and DS suffer terribly from allergies too, it's miserable, but the OP was pretty clear why autism is a factor in her concerns. Not monitoring her hydration, how she is still in pull ups and scratching herself raw. These are not things you can simply insist her DD do/stop doing. So yes, can see why it would 'keep you off school'.

FrownedUpon · 19/07/2021 17:54

I can’t imagine school want her in if she’s screaming all day. Just keep her home.

LtDansleg · 19/07/2021 17:54

@MadeOfStarStuff

She’s only five and it’s genuinely making her ill, keep her home!
I actually completely misread the age and convinced myself she was 7. I wouldn’t keep a 7 year old off but at 5 I probably would
WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 19/07/2021 17:58

As someone with sensory issues I say you should keep her off. I hate the heat and find it impossible to do anything. She not going to miss any learning and she will be so consumed by her sensory issues she won’t be able to enjoy herself or have any social development either. Get some ice pops and pup a dvd on in a cold room with the windows drawn.

romdowa · 19/07/2021 17:58

I would , it's 4 days at the end of term. I've asd and the heat really affects me , brings me so much closer to meltdown and all I can do is sit . Any demands on me will sometimes send me over the edge. Add in her flaring skin and its a no brainer. When she is so uncomfortable and overwhelmed then it's pointless her being in school anyway.

TheNoodlesIncident · 19/07/2021 18:00

I think if she's developing prickly heat she'll be better off at home, as she won't be learning anything in school anyway. Not that they're not teaching, just that she won't be able to learn effectively if she's in such a high level of discomfort.

I would absolutely keep her off, some people struggle to cope in the heat as much as others couldn't cope in deep cold.

I wasn’t aware having autism meant that you can’t go to school when it’s hot. Now you are aware that having a significant disability like autism can actually mean you are unable to function in circumstances that NT people can manage. Some people can cope with physical discomfort, some cannot.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 19/07/2021 18:01

I'd keep her off. Never mind "they've had so much time off already" - nobody can learn when they're itchy, miserable and nauseous. I hope she feels better soon.

Notavegan · 19/07/2021 18:03

I'd keep her off if the school can't keep her comfortable.

My 5yo was sick when she got home Friday

HunkyPunk · 19/07/2021 18:08

I don’t think you can pull her out of school whenever it’s sunny just in case she gets hot

It's not just 'sunny' at the moment though, is it? They're issuing 'extreme heat' warnings on the weather forecast. You should let your dd stay at home, op, if that's going to be better for her health.

scrivette · 19/07/2021 18:13

I would keep her off, your poor DD. It's the last week and they don't seem to be doing as much learning anyway.

Skyla2005 · 19/07/2021 18:19

You did the right thing !

ChequerBoard · 19/07/2021 18:52

YABU - severe eczema is horrible to live with and people can be at best unsympathetic and at worse really quite nasty. I hope schools are more enlightened about it than they were in my day.

Do whatever you can to keep your DD comfortable and reduce the impact of the heat on her.

ThanksThanks

merrygoround88 · 19/07/2021 18:55

She’s your child, you know best

Ingleduh · 19/07/2021 19:03

Op a lady on another thread had mentioned a fan that sits around your neck/shoulders and blows cool air and mist. If she can tolerate it then it might help to keep her more comfortable.

KateF · 19/07/2021 19:05

Yes I'd keep her off. I've looked after a four year old with severe eczema today and despite applying her cream frequently she has been scratching and miserable all day. My own eczema is also flaring up badly, my hands look burnt. People don't understand how painful eczema can be.

Feelinalrightwiththecrew · 19/07/2021 19:57

I don't think you would be unreasonable at all.

We are currently back in the office on a rota basis - today was wfh and as I really struggle with the heat, I was absolutely dreading going into the office tomorrow. We're not allowed the aircon at the moment and the place is like an oven!

Thankfully we have been told that we can choose whether to wfh for the rest of the week.

So if us, as grown adults, are given the choice where possible, I absolutely think a child, especially with additional needs, should be!

Keep her home, keep her cool and don't give it a second thought.

Xmasbaby11 · 19/07/2021 20:01

Yes please trust your judgement to keep her home. it sounds hellish for her and it can be avoided.

blissfulllife · 19/07/2021 20:02

Exact same situation here. My ASD daughter also has eczema and she's miserable in this heat. I've got our gp to sign her off school for the last few days

MissingTheMissletoe · 19/07/2021 20:09

You are her parent, there is no authority higher than you when it comes to your child. You don’t need to bend over worry about if it’s ok with the school, you simply tell them that your daughter won’t be in because she’s unwell with the heat. They can’t demand you bring her in or put a big red mark against you for anything, the only thing they can do is accept your decision (unless your daughter is frequently absent due to what can be considered trivial reasons. Then it can be viewed as neglecting her education and they can take action).

Tossblanket · 19/07/2021 20:13

If you're concerned about her welfare you've done the right thing.