Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my partner being selfish as F?!

34 replies

jacksmamx · 19/07/2021 10:39

36 weeks pregnant and shitting myself about catching covid. I'm not vaccinated yet (it's booked) my midwife has only just advised me to get it done.

My partner is fully vaccinated and has stopped wearing his mask today cos of the restrictions lifting. If he brings covid home, he won't get that poorly cos he's double jabbed whereas I will probably get very poorly as I'm heavily pregnant and not vaccinated.

When I told him to keep wearing his fucking mask he said "why do you have to make everything about you?"

Honestly, I'm on the verge of leaving him. Is this disgusting to anyone else or AIBU?

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 19/07/2021 10:44

It's not WHAT we say that matters as much as much as the manner in which we say it .

So if you "told him to wear his fucking mask" Shockand that didn't work, try rephrasing it, with a more reasonable tone explaining why it's important.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 19/07/2021 10:44

I am double vaccinated and just have Covid... Wasn't pleasant. He is being selfish and naive..

summersflowers · 19/07/2021 10:45

I think it matters to you so he should be a bit more considerate but (and I’m not having a go here Flowers) I do think it depends a bit how it is done.

‘DP, I really am worried about coronavirus at this stage of pregnancy - could you just keep wearing your mask a bit longer’ - fine.

‘Wear your mask you selfish prick, I’m pregnant’ - I can understand his response.

The problem is there are definitely groups of people on both sides of the camp here: those fervently for and those against easing restrictions. So the responses will echo those opinions rather than actually the root of the problem.

Poppins2016 · 19/07/2021 10:47

I think the way your partner has invalidated your concerns and phrases it is disgusting. YANBU.

I was on a zoom call with my NCT group at the weekend and all the fathers were saying how careful they were being and how paranoid they feeling about bringing covid back home, especially because the women haven't all been vaccinated/double vaccinated yet.

Poppins2016 · 19/07/2021 10:47

*phrased

summersflowers · 19/07/2021 10:49

Incidentally I tested positive at 34 weeks in October last year and honestly I didn’t even know I had it! Flowers

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 10:49

I thought the idea of masks is that the wearer is protecting other people rather than themselves?

Rosebel · 19/07/2021 10:51

But masks don't protect the wearer so if he goes anywhere where others aren't wearing a mask (which is very likely now) he could still catch it and pass it onto you.

PieceOfString · 19/07/2021 10:53

Sounds like this 'discussion' is part of a wider pattern of how you both communicate if you are thinking of leaving him, it's not just this is it?

To be fair wearing the mask makes it less likely for you to spread the virus to others, by reducing how much aerosol droplets you create speaking, coughing etc, if you are infected but asymptomatic so don't realise. It doesn't protect you from catching it.

But that's not really the point here, so much as you are about to become parents together but don't seem to be able to talk, listen and respect each other.

Essentialironingwater · 19/07/2021 10:54

YANBU

Cloudninenine · 19/07/2021 10:55

Agree with PPs that lots depends on tone on both your part and your husband’s. But it also sounds like there might be a big backstory…

mancarose · 19/07/2021 10:58

I'm double vaccinated and 32 weeks and my partner has agreed to still be super care when out as it isn't just my health that's at risk it's our LOs. YANBU at all, he is the one being selfish. But you have to consider it from his point of view we are all sick of social distancing and masks and all that, I hope you manage to help him understand xx

hawkehurstgang · 19/07/2021 10:58

As a PP said, wearing a mask doesn't affect whether you get covid. It just stops you passing covid to other people. So unless you're asking him to wear it constantly when he's at home/around you, YABU. As it won't make much difference to you if he wears it outside or not.

Newbie8365 · 19/07/2021 10:59

YANBU. He should respect your wishes whilst you are pregnant at the very least.

People have stopped caring about another people.

Original poster
jacksmamx · 19/07/2021 11:06

Phrased it wrong in the post guys I never actually told him to wear his fucking mask that was just me angry typing.

We had a conversation where I expressed I'd still like him to wear his mask and he said he would... then he didn't?

Forgive me for my angry typing 🤣

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 11:08

@jacksmamx

Phrased it wrong in the post guys I never actually told him to wear his fucking mask that was just me angry typing.

We had a conversation where I expressed I'd still like him to wear his mask and he said he would... then he didn't?

Forgive me for my angry typing 🤣

But how does him not wearing a mask help you?
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 11:09

Or rather how does him wearing a mask help you?

I phrased that arse-ways up Blush

FFSFFSFFS · 19/07/2021 11:10

Wearing a mask does provide a measure of degree of protection to the wearer

user1471457751 · 19/07/2021 11:10

As others have said, him wearing a mask reduces the risk of him spreading it so unless you want him to always wear a mask around you, it's not much help.

Original poster
jacksmamx · 19/07/2021 11:11

Because he could catch it while not wearing one and bring it home to me?? Was that not the whole point of masks in the first place to protect yourself and others or am I not getting it right?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 19/07/2021 11:12

What difference to you would his mask wearing, make?

The majority of people who get Covid don't know they've got it. The majority are asymptomatic. We've got to stop living in fear. I say that as someone ECV, with two DD's who are CV.
Asking him to make sensible choices like shopping at quite times, or keeping out of the pub for another two weeks is fine, but wearing a mask doesn't make sense.

Original poster
jacksmamx · 19/07/2021 11:12

Anyway... mask pedantics aside. It is not unreasonable for me to be scared about catching covid in this stage of my pregnancy and feel like he should just respect my wishes. Maybe I'm being stupid and selfish myself.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 19/07/2021 11:13

@jacksmamx, masks were to stop droplets from the wearer going into the air for other people to breathe in. You can get infected via your eyes, so masks did very little to stop the wearer from getting it. Hand washing and social distancing are the most important things.

Ponoka7 · 19/07/2021 11:15

He could counteract what you are saying by asking why you didn't get vaccinated as soon as it was said it was safe in pregnancy. Do you not have pop up vaccination huts? We've been able to drop in over every weekend without an appointment.

PieceOfString · 19/07/2021 11:17

You're rightly feeling very cautious, pregnancy is a vulnerable time and a good partner would be acting as though he recognised that and cared. It is not selfish to feel that way, pregnancy is the highest risk thing a healthy adult female can do and your little one hasn't safely arrived yet so of course you are concerned.
Is an adult heart to heart about it all an option? Will he discuss things with you in a two-way mutual cards on the table way?

Swipe left for the next trending thread