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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I tell him or not

29 replies

Notsurewhattodo1988 · 18/07/2021 18:19

NC for this post,

I'm finally getting around to planning my LOs christening which I'm so excited about, already got my god parents sorted and asked and they have all said yes,

Now my older brother and his family are not currently talking to my mum and step dad, now this has been going on for a long time and there is a lot of back story which I don't want to go into it really.

The thing is if my older brother and his family are invited and come then I know my step dad, who is being called grandad by my LO, and my younger brother, who is going to be a god father, wont come because of everything in the past so this would probably mean my mum might not come either.

The christening is going to be planned not far from them and other family will be invited such as great grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins and friends.

My mum, step dad and younger brother are involved in my LOs day to day life and see us most days of the week, I'm a single mum, love the support and the bond she already has with them.

Now my question is, do I tell my older brother about the christening and explain that I'm sorry but I'm not going to include them because of everything and give my reasons or do I not tell him and deal with it when I can guarantee someone will probably mention it to him.

YABU - tell him
YANBU - don't tell him and deal with it later

OP posts:
VodkaSlimline · 18/07/2021 19:25

Can't you tell him but ask him not to attend?

gardeninggirl68 · 18/07/2021 19:27

do you not see him in church every week?

3scape · 18/07/2021 19:28

Just get the baptism done at your regular church service. I don't think families not talking are really going to be there for your child.

GettingItOutThere · 18/07/2021 19:28

invite them all, tell them to behave - if they refuse to tell them not to bother coming.
it is not their day to ruin!

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2021 19:35

Surely a Christian family can behave with kindness and humanity for as long as a church service and baptism takes. I would invite everyone. Telling them if anyone can’t cope with seeing all those invited then they can stay away. Don’t feed the drama.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 18/07/2021 19:38

How about asking everyone to grow up and put their differences aside for 1 day.

What you are describing is not very Christian in behaviour...

toastantea · 18/07/2021 19:43

The fall out has nothing to do with you. Invite them all and they can behave like adults.

Original poster
Notsurewhattodo1988 · 18/07/2021 19:45

@gardeninggirl68 my older brother and his family live one county over from where me, my LO, my mum, step dad and little brother live, the rest of my mum's side of the family also live in the same county and town as him

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 18/07/2021 19:49

Invite them all. Don’t bother telling your mum and stepdad that he’s invited, they should expect him to be given you and he are still on speaking terms.

If they kick off then I would tell them to grow the fuck up, and tbh if your mum and stepdad kick off over it then that just confirms that he was probably right to cut them off.

ThirdElephant · 18/07/2021 19:51

@Wolfiefan

Surely a Christian family can behave with kindness and humanity for as long as a church service and baptism takes. I would invite everyone. Telling them if anyone can’t cope with seeing all those invited then they can stay away. Don’t feed the drama.
This.
TidyDancer · 18/07/2021 19:53

I want to say invite everyone and instruct them to behave like adults (if they start to kick up a fuss). Explain it's not about them and they need to put their differences aside.

But it does depend a lot on the reason for the falling out. Fully appreciate you don't want to give specific information but is this a situation where one party has behaved really badly and the other has the right to feel wronged/hurt/etc? That would sway me I think.

19lottie82 · 18/07/2021 19:56

do you not see him in church every week?

Wow, judgemental AND passive aggressive in one sentence, double points for you!

knittingaddict · 18/07/2021 19:57

@gardeninggirl68

do you not see him in church every week?
And your point is?

I'm Christian and both our children were baptised as adults. Neither my parents or my siblings are Christian. It's not a genetic thing.

I know that you're just trying to put the boot into the op, but it's not a good look.

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 19:59

@GettingItOutThere

invite them all, tell them to behave - if they refuse to tell them not to bother coming. it is not their day to ruin!
Yip.. this Flowers
SmileyClare · 18/07/2021 20:00

If you have a reasonable relationship with your older brother and his family then why not invite them over to "celebrate" the christening another day? Some drinks and food or something. I know your parents aren't speaking to him but presumably you are?

Unless you are a religious family? Would your brother be insulted not to attend the actual church service?

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 18/07/2021 20:00

@toastantea

The fall out has nothing to do with you. Invite them all and they can behave like adults.
I agree. Invite them all. If it’s important to them they’ll come and just be civil for the day.
knittingaddict · 18/07/2021 20:01

What gives you the idea that anyone other than the op's nuclear family are Christian?

Yes, I know your all getting at the fact that the op may be just having a christening without any faith, but there's no reason to suppose that the op's relatives have any faith at all or have any reason to behave like "Christians".

Briarshollow · 18/07/2021 20:02

@gardeninggirl68

do you not see him in church every week?
😂
knittingaddict · 18/07/2021 20:04

Is there a back story that makes you side with one party or another? Is the falling out valid? I think that makes a big difference. If they are just being petty then I would invite them with a strict "behave or else" policy upfront and that you expect them to bahave like adults.

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2021 20:10

I agree to invite them all and tell them to act that adults. If your step dad refuses to come over this I would be considering whether he's god father materiel.

MyriadeOfThings · 18/07/2021 20:11

I would tell him. I would also tell him that your stepdad is going to your dc god father. So very clearly he has to be there at the ceremony.

I would hope your older brother will then say he isn’t coming.
I would make a point to go and see him and celebrate said christening with him - if you are close and want to keep it that way despite the rift.

MaskingForIt · 18/07/2021 20:17

@gardeninggirl68

do you not see him in church every week?
Especially the services where they talk about forgiveness?!
MaskingForIt · 18/07/2021 20:21

@NerrSnerr

I agree to invite them all and tell them to act that adults. If your step dad refuses to come over this I would be considering whether he's god father materiel.
God father materiel sounds like a nuclear weapon!
SRS29 · 18/07/2021 20:25

@gardeninggirl68

do you not see him in church every week?
Brilliant!
toocold54 · 18/07/2021 20:31

invite them all, tell them to behave - if they refuse to tell them not to bother coming.
it is not their day to ruin!

I completely agree!

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