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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Deputy frequently absent - AIBU

28 replies

DonaPatrizia · 18/07/2021 17:59

That, really. I am head of a small, high pressure department. I appointed a deputy three years ago, pre Covid. They pushed for a high salary, which I concurred because they are very good at their job. A few months went by, all good. At that stage they have a second child, and push for another big pay rise. Again, I recommend it, as I don’t want to lose them, they are very good at their job. Immediately they book a huge chunk of time off as parental leave and holiday, I think OK, new baby. This is early 2019. Then the unplanned absences start, and they go on and on, to the point the deputy has never worked a full five day week, which they are paid a huge whack for. Pre Covid, every week there’s something with child care etc so they have to be off. None of the other working parents seems to need to do this. Then comes Covid. We are key workers so they are supposed to be in during the pandemic. Again, they’ve never put in a full week in the entire time. No-one in their family has had Covid, it’s always childcare issues. They have a partner who works full time. They have no family to help nearby.
I have been supportive because I felt it was the right thing to do. But: it is putting a huge burden on me and at least one other person in our small team who have to fill the gap. My kids are grown and gone so don’t have these issues but I do have a close family member who is seriously ill and the work stress is getting to me such that my health has taken a hit. My deputy is meant to support me but it seems entirely the other way around. They never say thank you or sorry about the situation. They are very good at their job WHEN they are there so I hesitate to take it further. AIBU to feel that while I am sympathetic, this isn’t on?Any suggestions for dealing with this in a way that would be fair to all?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 18/07/2021 18:01

What would be fair is you stopped pretending they are doing there job and started dealing with there absence appropriately

EL8888 · 18/07/2021 18:02

What have HR said? How flakey is their attendance? I assume the days off are unpaid now as they’ve used up annual leave etc?

Merryoldgoat · 18/07/2021 18:07

Have you brought up his absences officially with him and HR?

CastleCrasher · 18/07/2021 18:26

Several questions

  1. Are they a single parent? If not, are you paying back that all the childcare issues appear to be being accommodated by you, not the other parents employer?
  2. Most employers have a policy about emergency parental leave etc- what does yours day and are you sticking to it? By now it's highly likely that they should be taking unpaid leave every time
3 as their manager, have you raised this with them? You need to.
Shamoo · 18/07/2021 18:40

You need to performance manage them - not a pleasant task but it’s necessary as they are clearly taking the piss. First step, speak to HR. Keep people record of all absences and reasons.

Original poster
DonaPatrizia · 18/07/2021 18:45

There have been multiple discussions between me and them but I have not gone to HR. They aren't a single parent. The other parent apparently does the same so for instance when the kids childcare breaks down due to Covid, they take it in turns to look after them. I am told it is not just me accommodating but their employer equally.
I will talk to HR as you are all suggesting.

OP posts:
slashlover · 18/07/2021 18:47

Do you do a return to work interview every time they are off? You need to start acting like the head of department.

MrsTWH · 18/07/2021 18:48

Surely if this person has never done a full week in however many years, that this has been flagged as a concern and the right steps are being taken? How has it got this far with nothing being done about the high level of absence?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 18/07/2021 18:50

Are they being paid a full wage?

Hercisback · 18/07/2021 18:50

This year is a shit show for childcare. If a bubble pops you literally get no notice and your child has to isolate. You shouldn't use family childcare in that instance either (although many do). If the children are in school/nursery I'd give her til October and see if it's better once the rules around isolating as a child close contact change.

Alternatively talk to her and lay out some options, would a 4 day week help her? Would flexible hours help so she could work in the evening/weekend (if appropriate)?

EL8888 · 18/07/2021 18:53

Definitely talk to HR, they should be able to guide you. If their attendance is so poor they shouldn’t be getting paid for those frequent days off. I am sure the rest of the team have seen what their attendance is like and guessing they’re wondering what is being done about it…

Snookie00 · 18/07/2021 18:55

How on earth did you allow this to continue for so long? Her/his attendance is so poor that he/ she should have been fired long ago. Assume she is being paid in full for not working. Have you really not formally started disciplinary action yet - they must think that this is acceptable/ work is optional as you have tolerated it for so long.

Summertime21 · 18/07/2021 19:01

Why isn't she being made to take unpaid leave it use holiday? It sounds like she is being paid a full wage for part time work

m0therofdragons · 18/07/2021 19:02

Set a clear target for 3 and 6 months te attendance with clear triggers. If triggered, target starts again with second stage warning that new targets must be met or could lead to dismissal (hr should have templates for first and second stage absence).

My assistant is currently on this and I want to keep her because she’s lovely and also good… even she’s in work that is but the absence level is putting extra pressure on me. I was exhausted then realised she only worked 5 days in total in May so I’m essentially doing two jobs. It can’t continue and her childcare issues are not your problem so if parental leave is used up then she needs to be in work.
My only exception would be genuine extraordinary circumstances like dc has cancer etc.

Original poster
DonaPatrizia · 18/07/2021 19:18

Why has it gone on so long - boiling frog syndrome....it doesn't all happen at once, it creeps up on you and escalates. And because they are so good, when present, I am reluctant to confront it.

Also, as one poster noted, I am conscious that during Covid it is an absolute shit show for childcare and so have borne that in mind. They were supportive to me when I had to WFH for a few weeks due to family illness, though I was never absent.

Anyway, I hear what you are all saying. I am going to see HR tomorrow. Thank you.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 18/07/2021 19:19

We had a policy they get one day to sort out other childcare for sick children/other childcare issues be that holiday, unpaid leave, partner covering

But if it happened more than twice a month meeting was held to discuss if any underlying health issues etc. If not they were advised they need to sort childcare so it didn’t effect work

slashlover · 18/07/2021 19:25

@Hercisback

This year is a shit show for childcare. If a bubble pops you literally get no notice and your child has to isolate. You shouldn't use family childcare in that instance either (although many do). If the children are in school/nursery I'd give her til October and see if it's better once the rules around isolating as a child close contact change.

Alternatively talk to her and lay out some options, would a 4 day week help her? Would flexible hours help so she could work in the evening/weekend (if appropriate)?

From the OP

Pre Covid, every week there’s something with child care etc so they have to be off.

It's nothing to do with Covid and everything to do with the deputy being a CF. Has she had a performance review in the last 2 years?

caughtinanet · 18/07/2021 19:32

How ever good someone is at their job it's ridiculous that they've never put in a full week

I can't even see how that can happen, do they just not turn up, do they get full pay, how does their work get done? So many questions

This has got to be a public sector job, no commercial organisation woould put up with that would they?!

JaceLancs · 18/07/2021 19:33

You need to check said persons contract
Where I work carers leave is discretionary so if occasional then I’m prepared to be understanding - after that it gets taken off annual leave or is taken unpaid (max of 4 weeks a year per child)
It’s disruptive but you need to check with HR what is legally acceptable
I find some people do it less often when unpaid - but not all - it does allow me to offer others extra hours as well if I’m saving by the unpaid leave

Original poster
DonaPatrizia · 18/07/2021 19:35

Chloemol - how often are they allowed a day off to sort childcare etc?

OP posts:
rainyskylight · 18/07/2021 19:37

Honestly I think you have been so accommodating right from the beginning that you have been walked all over.

ahoyshipmates · 18/07/2021 19:43

@DonaPatrizia

Why has it gone on so long - boiling frog syndrome....it doesn't all happen at once, it creeps up on you and escalates. And because they are so good, when present, I am reluctant to confront it.

Also, as one poster noted, I am conscious that during Covid it is an absolute shit show for childcare and so have borne that in mind. They were supportive to me when I had to WFH for a few weeks due to family illness, though I was never absent.

Anyway, I hear what you are all saying. I am going to see HR tomorrow. Thank you.

If you can WFH when you had to take time off, how come they haven't been asked to do the same when they have to be at home for childcare reasons?

Millions of people have had to work from home and look after kids at the same time, so I suggest that you look into this asap.

And talk to HR and find out the proper procedures that need to be followed from now on.

melissasummerfield · 18/07/2021 19:47

I would advise that you have a documented discussion with the person, detail every date they have had off and go over the reason for each absence, discuss that they have never worked a full week and ask questions to the effect of how do they think this impacts the department and what measures are they going to put in place to prevent this from happening going forward as is no longer acceptable and will likely go down a formal absence management route if it continues.

Time off for dependents, where notice requesting time off is required, as mentioned above by another poster is completely different to emergency leave and should be managed under excessive absence.

Hercisback · 18/07/2021 19:52

Pre Covid, every week there’s something with child care etc so they have to be off.

I missed this Blush.

Definitely start the ball rolling with HR. It might be enough to get them back and working every day.

ellyeth · 18/07/2021 20:04

Don't you have regular "supervision" meetings where both parties can discuss issues of concern? I assume you also have more formal half yearly/yearly appraisals where performance and issues of concern are addressed?

It is not at all reasonable for this person to be taking time off so regularly - and I assume it is not for an ongoing chronic health condition? It is also very unfair on the staff who are having to cover this person's absence. It will lead to resentment and perhaps a feeling that you are not managing the situation appropriately.

I think you need to have a face-to-face meeting where these issues are raised and you stress this situation cannot continue. I am not sure what the policies of your organisation are but I would think it is sensible to provide this person with a memo/e-mail/letter detailing your discussions. I also think you should have regular "supervision" meetings to try and prevent this person from slipping back into what are obviously unreasonable, unprofessional and unviable work practices.