Who is unreasonable - Dad’s plans with his DC

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I don’t want to do a reverse or pretend I’m one of the parties, because I’m not. Just wondering who is bu.

Mum and Dad have a four month old. Mum has booked baby into swimming lessons on a Sunday.

Dad has two older children. EOW and Wednesdays. This weekend the eldest one was doing an early morning activity with her Mum - so as not to confuse let’s call her (the “first wife”) Joan - at a famous and beautiful location. Dad wants to go and meet Joan and the eldest afterwards. They won’t be able to get in if they leave it late. Joan would leave eldest with Dad, step mum, baby and middle child.

Mum would have liked Dad and middle child to wait until baby’s swimming lessons were over and then all go. However this would have made Joan have to wait about (suspect Mum didn’t know this, and Dad wouldn’t care so not really a factor) and as mentioned they probably wouldn’t have got in.

Unknown: If Dad was party to arranging baby’s swimming (suspect not)

Dad probably wanted to take advantage of a lovely day, but has form for disliking being “tied down” by hobbies and the like.

Hope I’m not out of order for posting a situation that doesn’t involve me!

Oh - Mum is pissed off with Dad. That’s the issue

I totally didn’t understand this scenario at all! And only had 1 drink

What's the problem?
I don't get it

Sorry don't understand.

I don't think dad was unreasonable.

Sorry I can’t explain it better!

Mum is annoyed with Dad for taking older dc out and not waiting for baby’s swimming lesson so they can all go. Doesn’t want to miss the swimming as it’s only the second week.

Mum doesn’t drive so can’t meet them there.

I’m confused - why is mum pissed off?

Maybe I have sun stroke! I’m only asking to see whether my compass is set ok.

I sort of feel like neither of them is u!

If the dad has the DC EOW, whose weekend was this?

Dad left without mum and baby to have day out with Joan and two eldest? Is that it.

Bit shitty, I would have felt left out. Then again, it’s not the end of the world that Mum had to drive and meet them.

Neither ABU just different opinions. It’s nice the eldest two had some time seeing Dad and Joan get on and Mum could have cancelled swimming if she wanted to go with them.

Mum is pissed off because she couldn’t come on the day out.

Ahh ok, sounds like a lack of communication between mum and Dad.

Seen update - mum could have got a taxi or dad come have come back and met them?

Joan wasn’t meant to be staying around. Dads weekend but dad was happy for Joan to take the eldest for early activity as 1. Eldest wanted to do it, 2. It’s age limited so mum can’t take middle child.

Taxi a bit pricey as it was a 40 min drive.

I’m so sorry I’ve explained so badly!

Ok so it was dads weekend, mum couldn't make it as she had swimming.
IMO it's something that couldn't be helped unless mum cancelled swimming.

Dad wants to go with step children and their mum to an activity.

The new wife wants him to go to swimming with her and the baby and for all of them to go to the activity later.

Dad doesn’t want to do this because it will make them late and the stepchildrens mum will have to wait for them?

Mum needs to take driving lessons and take control of her own life

Yes you’ve basically all got it!

Mum is taking baby swimming anyway, so she'll want to go home and shower and sort the baby out.
Dad is taking the older two out and will meet with their mum.
It doesn't take 2 parents to take the baby swimming, he's not dumping an extra kid on the mum of the baby and everyone gets to do what they want (except mum who it sounds like needs to pick what she wants to do instead of doing both).
Baby won't care about any of this.
2nd kid may have a preference about the timings and dad may not want to wait around with a small child for mum to sort baby and self after swimming.
I'm with dad here, unless there's a big back story.

So if your not one of them... who are you?! 😂

It’s a miscommunication between Mum and Dad mainly, who should be able to discuss like the adults they are.

You say Dad has kids EOW so whose weekend is it? Is this a regular occurrence?

Based on the fact that Dad doesn’t have his older kids that much, and I’m assuming this is a one off situation, I think the Mum is being unreasonable. Dad sees the baby much more than his older children as it is.

I think Mum will take driving lessons. Mum has lived whole life in central London and now moved to outer London where car is now needed.

Mum has v professional job. I suspect she does most childcare as on may leave but don’t know all the ins and outs as indoor live with them! I guess mat leave is boring right now due to covid.

Mum would have liked Dad and middle child to wait until baby’s swimming lessons were over and then all go.

So the mum is taking the baby swimming then but wants the dad and his ex and DC to all go wherever so late they wouldn't be able to get in just so she can go too?

Trust issue? FOMO? Need to micro manage everything?

Thank you every one!