Who is unreasonable - Dad’s plans with his DC

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I don’t want to do a reverse or pretend I’m one of the parties, because I’m not. Just wondering who is bu.

Mum and Dad have a four month old. Mum has booked baby into swimming lessons on a Sunday.

Dad has two older children. EOW and Wednesdays. This weekend the eldest one was doing an early morning activity with her Mum - so as not to confuse let’s call her (the “first wife”) Joan - at a famous and beautiful location. Dad wants to go and meet Joan and the eldest afterwards. They won’t be able to get in if they leave it late. Joan would leave eldest with Dad, step mum, baby and middle child.

Mum would have liked Dad and middle child to wait until baby’s swimming lessons were over and then all go. However this would have made Joan have to wait about (suspect Mum didn’t know this, and Dad wouldn’t care so not really a factor) and as mentioned they probably wouldn’t have got in.

Unknown: If Dad was party to arranging baby’s swimming (suspect not)

Dad probably wanted to take advantage of a lovely day, but has form for disliking being “tied down” by hobbies and the like.

Hope I’m not out of order for posting a situation that doesn’t involve me!

I am nosey bugger who should (and has!) kept entirely out of it.

Mum unreasonable. If a child is doing weekend activities with one parent its unreasonable to expect the other parent and children to waste half the day waiting for them. Particularly as Dad had objected to being tied down by lessons, and presumably mum is on maternity so could do lessons in the week, and a 4.month old really doesn't need swimming lessons anyway.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I am nosey bugger who should (and has!) kept entirely out of it.

😂 are you a neighbour who heard it all discussed in the garden?

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I am nosey bugger who should (and has!) kept entirely out of it.

I want to suspect a parent of the first wife 🙊

OK I didn’t see the update.

Based on the fact it’s the Dad’s weekend, and like I said he doesn’t have the children that much, the Mum is being very unreasonable. They can have “family days out” with just the 3 of them on Joan’s weekends.

Why should Joan have to wait around for Mum when it’s Dad’s weekend?

Ahhh she's on mat leave so could take baby to swimming sessions during the week - sorted!

Think I’m grasping the situation. Mum wants Dad to accompany her for tiny baby’s first swimming lesson but Dad wants to make older child happy by going to an event with her. Mum is cross that Dad is ‘choosing’ his older child over the baby.

The baby has no idea which way is up so really won’t care, both parents do not need to go to a baby’s swimming lesson (actually think the ‘spare’ parent would just get in the way tbh!). The older child does understand what’s going on and wants her Dad there. Dad should do as he originally planned and spend time with his older child, he lives with his baby 24/7 but only sees older DC 8 days a month.

Yes, she should LTB.

(Honestly, I haven't a clue. None of this makes any sense to me, Op. Sorry!)

I think it’s pointless posting this, when you’re not either of the parties and can’t know what goes on behind closed doors - so if there is more to it.

I would say that mum is being utterly ridiculous about not just missing a 4 month old’s swimming lesson to go along to a one off and rather lovely sounding event for her older stepchildren. I mean really? That lesson - even if the second - just doesn’t matter. She also doesn’t have to go to the other event, if swimming lessons is more important to her.

But if it turns out that her husband constantly lets her down, over rules her, shows zero interest in parenting their new baby… then I’d be more sympathetic as to why mum was - on the face of it - being ridiculous.

But without one of them posting, we don’t even have one biased side of the story to go on 🤷🏻‍♀️

bin off the baby swimming.

For just a one off it sounds like mum has trust issues or can't stand not being joined at the hip or something like that.

@ArnoldBee I confess that was my first thought! Maybe weekday lessons were booked up.

I suspected iwbu in posting this when I’m not involved!

You all sound unreasonable.. Job done.

I think Dad is being unreasonable. He should want to spend the day with his second wife. However, arguably second wife is being unreasonable in not cancelling the swimming lesson.

Why is Dad having a day out with his ex anyway? It's great they get on, but isn't it confusing for the children to see them having days out together as if they were still married? When we had a step-parent situation in our extended family, the kids were desperate for Mum and Dad to get back together and desperately hoped it would happen every time their parents spent any time at all together, to the extent that they became confused and upset when it didn't.

Mum is being U.

Dad should just take SC to activities

Tying up summer weekends for swimming lessons for a 4 month old is ridiculous, and means that the Dad can never do while family things on Sunday mornings EOW.

Since it is Dads w/e with the kids, he should go and do his thing with them.

Or miss out on the thing and Dawn brings the eldest child over when it is done, since it’s something she does with her Mum.

If there is a real risk that they would be admitted if they wait for the baby, the Mum is BU.

@StoneColdBitch Dad wasn’t really having a day with ex wife. Dad was just taking over care of eldest from ex wife at the place where the activity was. Because Dad wanted to go to this place with dc once the idea of it was in his head. Joan didn’t mind this, but I expect wouldn’t have wanted to hang on too long for her ex!

Dad and Joan act pleasant to each other for dc, not exactly best buddies.

However, Mum may think they get on better than they do depending on what Dad has told her!

Sun and White Russians aren't helping me here. Sorry

Mum is at the Babyzilla stage where everything must revolve around the baby and any deviation will cause the world to end. If this is a one off then Dad should go with oldest DC and miss swimming. Mum can choose which to do. If not a one off some discussion is needed particularly if Dad was not consulted when booking lessons. But really this is normal weekend family stuff. Not unusual to have 2 children doing different things in opposite directions.

Thing is, even if all DC had the same set of parents this kind of schedule clash would come up.

@gobbynorthernbird yes that’s true!

What I’ve come away from this with is that everyone had a choice here and that’s the key thing.

I think the Mum’s best bet here is to learn to drive. It’s very freeing I guess! I’ve been driving since 17 so I suppose I don’t know what it’s like not to be able to drive.

This is life with older kids and an infant. The older kids shouldn’t be expected to sit around all day waiting on the baby. That there are swimming lessons and a blended family in the equation isn’t even a big factor.

Mom also really needs to catch up on being a part of modern non-urban parenting life. Driving is a necessity. It’s so much of a necessity, I wouldn’t have agreed to TTC before getting a license.