AIBU to think this woman was being a bitch?

[Tereo]

My daughter has recently started basketball. She is not keen on going before the training/games as is shy and nervous but seems to really enjoy it once there so I am pushing her for the moment in the hope she'll get into it.
I arrived at a game this morning and DD was dressed in a borrowed uniform shirt but leggings rather than uniform shorts underneath. (We don't have our own official shirt/shorts yet as they have no stock in the shop as the design in the process of being changed. Coach is totally ok with this).
I suggested she wear her own blue shorts but she is shy wearing shorts and said she wanted to wear leggings , so as she is so reluctant going, I said nothing as just want her to feel comfortable at this point.
I don't feel comfortable around the other parents, they are a bit unfriendly but I am happy once DD is enjoying.
As we arrived, a mother I don't know said loudly (so lots of people including DD could hear) 'oh the poor thing she's going to be roasting would she not wear shorts' .. I just replied 'She doesn't like shorts' and she replied 'yes I just insist mine wear them'..
Was this woman being a bitch? My husband things she wasn't (but men have no sensor for this stuff) so I am just curious!

YANBU. Some people just cannot keep their mouth shut and have an opinion of everything. I have a mum near me like it, our daughters are friends. She has something to say about everything. Even about my eldest who's autistic. She always thinks she 'knows vest'. Drives me mad.

YANBU. I wouldn't necessarily say she was a bitch there was a pattern of bitchy behaviour from her. If this is a one off just put it down to her being a tactless cow.

@OlympicProcrastinator

I don’t think YABU. Saying ‘poor thing’ about a strangers child is rude enough. Adding ‘I would insist’ is basically saying her parenting is better than yours. Yes I’d I’ve replied ‘good for you’ and rolled my eyes at the bitch.

You’re so right.

Yes being a bitch, and a smug one at that. I'd put it down to low self esteem.

The other woman is me!!! I try to make conversation with strangers sometimes- particularly if they are new to something or look uncomfortable. I don’t mind if I’m standing alone but I have ASD and I understand that others find it uncomfortable so I try to help. The trouble is am occasionally (probably always) a bit klunky with my opening comment. I’d have meant exactly what I said “poor girl wearing leggings and being hot”. No subtext, no bitchiness, no judgement - I don’t really get that stuff.

It's certainly a bit tin-eared of her, as it's not exactly unknown for teenagers to be shy of wearing exposing clothes for sport or in general -- see current thread on here on teenagers of both sexes layered up in jeans and hoodies.

I’d have meant exactly what I said “poor girl wearing leggings and being hot”. No subtext, no bitchiness, no judgement - I don’t really get that stuff.

But why would you say it, unless you somehow believed the girl in question had been forced into wearing leggings? I mean, it's not wildly unusual for teenage girls to want to cover up, whether because of body hair, weight issues, general self-consciousness about exposing skin etc. Or do you regularly start conversations by telling people you think they're wrongly dressed for the weather?

I hate the word "bitch" it's just another term to denigrate women that doesn't apply to men.
I've made my terms of abuse all male related now, so I'd say yeah, she was a bit of a knob.

Not a bitch, but a rude busybody with no filter.

Why are people talking about teenagers and body hair? We don’t know how old the daughter is.

@Guavaf1sh

How is ‘bitchy’ different from rude and tactless? Is it that ‘bitchy’ people are wrong and ‘rude’ people are right although may not have come across nicely? Is ‘bitchy’ totally unrelated to being right or wrong? I’d argue they were the same thing

"Bitch" and "bitchy" are used to describe women - not men. That's what makes it different.

@CalishataFolkart

Why are people talking about teenagers and body hair? We don’t know how old the daughter is.

No, but it doesn't have to be a teenager. Some kids start growing body visible leg hair very young, especially if they're very dark-haired, and other people's responses make them self-conscious about it -- look at all the threads on here by mothers trying to decide if they should offer their very young daughters the means of removing leg hair, but not wanting to suggest that they should.

Oh, I use bitchy to describe men too, just like I use dickhead to describe women.

For me, bitchy has an archness to it that is absent from merely rude and tactless.

Interestingly, I often use bitchy, but I rarely if ever use the word bitch, other than in the Amy Poehler 'bitches get things done' kind of way.

"Thanks for your concern". (Don't be sarcastic, but don't smile either.)
Turn back. Ignore.

.

CalishataFolkart
Why are people talking about teenagers and body hair? We don’t know how old the daughter is.

“No, but it doesn't have to be a teenager. Some kids start growing body visible leg hair very young, especially if they're very dark-haired, and other people's responses make them self-conscious about it -- look at all the threads on here by mothers trying to decide if they should offer their very young daughters the means of removing leg hair, but not wanting to suggest that they should.”

We also don’t know if the daughter doesn’t feel comfortable wearing shirts because of visible leg hair. People are making stuff up.

*shorts

I find bitch a really strong word, and way over the top for this sort of situation.

She may have been tactless, but to be honest I judge you more for using ‘bitch’ to describe her than I do her for her tactless comment.

I hate this type of comment. I’m often amazed by how rude/tactless people can be. I am also a bit baffled by the posters saying that they’d say this and ‘mean nothing by it.’ That’s just obtuse. It doesn’t take long to work out that other people have feelings. Just think about what comes out of your mouth

@Bimblybomeyelash

I find bitch a really strong word, and way over the top for this sort of situation.

She may have been tactless, but to be honest I judge you more for using ‘bitch’ to describe her than I do her for her tactless comment.

I agree.

The comment says more about the OP than it does about the woman in question.

@Shakespeare79

I hate this type of comment. I’m often amazed by how rude/tactless people can be. I am also a bit baffled by the posters saying that they’d say this and ‘mean nothing by it.’ That’s just obtuse. It doesn’t take long to work out that other people have feelings. Just think about what comes out of your mouth

I couldn't agree with you more.

It is the type of comment someone dragged up without any self awareness woul make.

Extremely ill mannered.

Why should the OP's daughter have to listen to this loud rude Woman's opinion of her attire?
Absolutely none of her business.

Where I come from, this remark would be fround upon as very rude and none of your concern, it would mark you out as to be avoided/dim.

It's hot,
the kit includes shorts - even if you haven't got the right ones yet

If your kid is so shy, I am not sure how standing out that way is helping her at all.

It's just a comment on the weather and how surprised we all are by it.
I think it's a perfectly normal statement and that it is more likely a product of your discomfort than the mothers are all unfriendly. Your DH thought nothing of it, so I'd be more likely to err on the side of you reading too much into it than him having no radar (maybe he's right)?

It also depends on how old your DD is and whether she knew the shop was out of shorts (in which case it could be seen as a shame, that she has to overheat because there are no shorts available).

@AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking

It's just a comment on the weather and how surprised we all are by it. I think it's a perfectly normal statement and that it is more likely a product of your discomfort than the mothers are all unfriendly. Your DH thought nothing of it, so I'd be more likely to err on the side of you reading too much into it than him having no radar (maybe he's right)?

It also depends on how old your DD is and whether she knew the shop was out of shorts (in which case it could be seen as a shame, that she has to overheat because there are no shorts available).

But it isn't a comment on the weather, it's a comment singling out a particular girl for what she's wearing, which the commenter finds unsuitable for the weather.

And it's clear from the OP that her daughter had the option of wearing her own shorts to training until the proper ones are available but is 'shy wearing shorts' -- so we can assume she chose to wear leggings to cover up her legs.

Which is hardly unusual for girls of any age past early childhood, even if it's depressing girls from an early age are absorbing all kinds of messages about acceptable bodies and doesn't require a large amount of tact for an adult to understand.

I don't approach joggers in my local park who are wearing sleeved wicking tops and running tights and interrogate them on why they wouldn't wear just a sports bra and running briefs in this heat.

@DoorAjar
I agree. These threads always polarise people though - there are those determined that we should just shrug off all comments and ‘not be so sensitive’, but then the rest of us wonder why people can’t just monitor what they say and perhaps use their imagination to assess whether their comments are necessary/offensive.

[quote Shakespeare79]@DoorAjar
I agree. These threads always polarise people though - there are those determined that we should just shrug off all comments and ‘not be so sensitive’, but then the rest of us wonder why people can’t just monitor what they say and perhaps use their imagination to assess whether their comments are necessary/offensive.[/quote]
Exactly.

The OP's daughter has every right to wear what she wants and not have to listen to some loud busybody with no filter or cop on, commenting on what she wears.

Why should she feel she has the right to comment on any childs clothes?

None of her bloody business.

Anyone with an ounce of class or rearing knows you don't make comments about other people's appearance.

Christ my children learnt that at three.🙄

But periodically you will come across, loud foghorn types who have to comment on everything.

The OP had every right if she wished, to tell her mind her manners commenting on the appearance of another child.

No wonder some girls are a bit self conscious about their appearance when so many people think it is acceptable to make comments about they wear.

It's rude and ignorant and says so much about the person who needed to make the completely unnecessary comment.