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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this woman was being a bitch?

78 replies

Tereo · 18/07/2021 11:28

My daughter has recently started basketball. She is not keen on going before the training/games as is shy and nervous but seems to really enjoy it once there so I am pushing her for the moment in the hope she'll get into it.
I arrived at a game this morning and DD was dressed in a borrowed uniform shirt but leggings rather than uniform shorts underneath. (We don't have our own official shirt/shorts yet as they have no stock in the shop as the design in the process of being changed. Coach is totally ok with this).
I suggested she wear her own blue shorts but she is shy wearing shorts and said she wanted to wear leggings , so as she is so reluctant going, I said nothing as just want her to feel comfortable at this point.
I don't feel comfortable around the other parents, they are a bit unfriendly but I am happy once DD is enjoying.
As we arrived, a mother I don't know said loudly (so lots of people including DD could hear) 'oh the poor thing she's going to be roasting would she not wear shorts' .. I just replied 'She doesn't like shorts' and she replied 'yes I just insist mine wear them'..
Was this woman being a bitch? My husband things she wasn't (but men have no sensor for this stuff) so I am just curious!

OP posts:
SirGawain · 18/07/2021 12:48

@Ohanaa

I don’t see how she was being a bitch.

She’s 100% right and your daughter should be wearing shorts. She will roast!

Possibly she was right but it’s got sod all to do with how someone else parents there child!
Goldenbear · 18/07/2021 12:55

How old is she? If a teenager why would the other Mum insist, I think that's a bit odd, I don't insist my teenage boy wears certain things. Ķ

KarmaStar · 18/07/2021 13:06

I think you calling her a bitch in your title was more aggressive tbh.
The woman might not have meant to be nasty ,you said you don't know her.

PegasusReturns · 18/07/2021 13:13

How old is your DD? Unless she is a teenager I’d be inclined to tell her she had to wear shorts too.

Chloemol · 18/07/2021 13:40

No she wasn’t, she made a comment that’s all

You are being too sensitive

Flowers500 · 18/07/2021 13:58

You are being WAY overboard. I don’t get why your daughter is making a huge deal about wearing shorts, and as they are uniform she’ll have to get over it.

Lunariagal · 18/07/2021 14:06

Tactless and overinterested. You might think it, but would yiu day it??

Essentialironingwater · 18/07/2021 14:06

I wouldn't have said anything if I were her but bitch is a bit over the top. She might just be trying to make conversation? And 'i insist mine wear them' could just be a friendly, if awkward, way of saying 'oh mine is a pain about this too I have to force her'.

MaMelon · 18/07/2021 14:10

You’re right to allow her to wear something she’s comfortable with until her confidence builds.

The woman was being a cheeky, patronising cow - different from a bitch but still as annoying. All the smart retorts are great in hindsight!

Cloudninenine · 18/07/2021 14:37

Not a bitch exactly, but certainly a needless and tactless comment.

billy1966 · 18/07/2021 14:44

Yes she was.

Absolutely none of her business.

She has no business commenting loudly on another child's attire.

Very rude.

And if I heard another saying that I think she was a tactless twat.

Hankunamatata · 18/07/2021 14:46

Just someone who doesn't filter her thoughts. Forget about it

PurpleMustang · 18/07/2021 14:54

@OlympicProcrastinator

I don’t think YABU. Saying ‘poor thing’ about a strangers child is rude enough. Adding ‘I would insist’ is basically saying her parenting is better than yours. Yes I’d I’ve replied ‘good for you’ and rolled my eyes at the bitch.
This. Its the words she used that made it rude.
sHREDDIES19 · 18/07/2021 15:22

I think it was bitchy actually as despite what one might think, verbalising it is a totally pointless act. Clearly you dd isn’t in shorts, so one should assume there’s a valid reason for that. Drawing attention to her unnecessarily. Very weird and something I’d never dream of doing.

redcarbluecar · 18/07/2021 15:24

Bitch is strong but it was pretty ignorant of her

Thymeout · 18/07/2021 16:40

I think you'd made up your mind that the other parents were unfriendly and this coloured your reaction to a passing comment. No point in falling out. She was empathising with you about her dd not wanting to wear shorts either. I'd have said something like 'yeah, well, I'm picking my battles at the moment, you know what they're like at this age.'

Was anyone else wearing leggings? As pp have said, it was 30 degrees.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 18/07/2021 22:54

Not a bitch but tactless. But yes it was way too hot today for leggings and sometimes you have to tell kids they need to just wear shorts.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 18/07/2021 22:56

Also overdressing to exercise in heat can be really dangerous. I once did it and fainted as a result. It's not just about what she feels "confident" wearing its about exercising safely.

5foot5 · 18/07/2021 23:06

To put a positive spin on this - maybe if your DD who is shy of shorts realises that in this instance shorts are the norm and Not wearing shorts is more likely to provoke comment and get unwanted attention, then maybe next week she will happily wear the shorts

3scape · 18/07/2021 23:16

She's a different side of the fence to you on bodily autonomy of teens. I wouldn't let it get to you. I think it's over the top to suggest leggings vs shorts would make a great deal of difference when already choosing to exercise in the heat. The UK does see to assume bare flesh is cooler by default.

I can't believe the amount of posters who are basically saying a teen ought to shave her legs and bare her skin to fit in. Hmm her boundaries are .important

Theblacksheepandme · 18/07/2021 23:19

I think she was being rude and tactless. Also trying to tell you how to parent is bang out of order. People shouldn't make comments if they don't know the circumstances. I suffer from Polymorphous light eruption (allergy to sun) and have to make sure I cover up as much of my skin as possible. I wear high factor sunscreen but I still break out in blisters on my hands wearing sunscreen, obviously it is difficult to cover my hands. I love to travel and peoples comments of "She must be roasting" makes me so self conscious. I wish people would just mind their own fucking business. I do sometimes notice from personal experience that if the parents are unpleasant that the children are too. Is your daughter happy in the club and does she find the other kids nice to play basketball with?

NiceGerbil · 18/07/2021 23:54

I think that's shit.

I think things all the time but don't vocalise them loudly esp about newcomers.

Theblacksheepandme · 19/07/2021 12:02

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland
Your comment made me laugh out loud. Seriously, people can exercise in heat and still have their bodies covered up. I run and wear sports leggings and a t-shirt. I haven't fainted in all the years I have been running in hot weather. Maybe you need to hydrate more when you exercise in heat if you are prone to fainting.

Guavaf1sh · 19/07/2021 12:49

How is ‘bitchy’ different from rude and tactless? Is it that ‘bitchy’ people are wrong and ‘rude’ people are right although may not have come across nicely? Is ‘bitchy’ totally unrelated to being right or wrong? I’d argue they were the same thing

CaptainThe95thRifles · 19/07/2021 13:25

Lots of people manage to exercise in this weather in leggings - and often for reasons other than being shy of showing their legs. I'm baffled by some of the comments on this thread.

I don't think the woman was being bitchy, but she was either being daft and unthinking, or a bit rude. People should keep their opinions to themselves.